Pretentious Pap

Rating: 2/10 (9 February 2009)

I watched this movie because it was kind of... on... I knew I would regret it but I spend too much time trying to avoid awful movies so I thought "Time for a change". Big mistake. The movie is totally clichéd and totally unbelievable. "Honey" (sister of Peanut Butter and Strawberry Jam) is so ditzy she would not have stood a chance against the ghetto culture she is up against. She is 'attacked' by a gang leader but kind of... walks off... and then jokes about buying some mace. Wow! I wish more ghettos were so covered in marsh-mellows and honey-flavoured-muffins! Good to see a rap movie staying so true to its culture.
The emotional manipulation in this movie is just nauseating - she attempts to help a kid getting involved in gangs by getting him a hair cut. Good job Jess: you've shown him what important; heaven forbid that he grows up thinking that only looks matter. Her final advice to him is just genius: "Don't go back there." This movie should be a used as a textbook for social workers: It has single-handedly solved the problems of child delinquency and gang warfare.
Toward the end of the movie, the 'bad guy' fires all the kid dancers (after a truly ridiculous set-up) and then then "Honey" feels sick and nauseated as a black dancer gyrates next to a car. What?!? She has just *directed* and *choreographed* whole sequences of lewd trashy dances, and now she takes the moral high ground? Reflect on this: the movie is morally bankrupt, but it hides this from the audience under a thin veneer. "Honey" builds a career by objectifying women and flinging them around half-naked in front a camera like pieces of meat. But that's OK 'cos shes fulfilling "Her dream on her terms." Yeah good.
I know! Let's really save the movie by starting a charity to get young kids to learn how to be sex slaved media whores in (c)rap music videos! That will really tug at the heart strings of the prepubescent audience who fantasise of being a sing-star. Heaven forbid we do anything to complicate or question their rancid desires which will only lead to heartache. Let's pander to them to get more bums on seats. (Scantily-clad ones, preferably, that are ready to flaunt themselves in front of a video of dissipation.) It's not just that there is no acting or talent on display. It's not just that the characters are shallow and say stupid things like "I'm just your friend, not a main character in this stupid movie" (OK I made some of that up). It's not just that the plot is horribly contrived: "Oh, I happen to know thousands of millionaires desperate to throw their money at your stupid cause." It's that this movie is crap, but just refuses to admit it. If it did, we could have had a masterpiece on our hands, like Crossroads or Glitter. But alas.