$10 for an After School special?

Rating: Null/10 (5 December 2003)

I just came back from a screening of Honey. What a GOD AWFUL film this is...
It is WAS better than I expected, but not by much.
If you're fans of the rap stars appearing in the movie, your only going to see them grunt out a line or two, if that much. Being that I hate most Hip Hop, I didn't know who the hell most of them are. I still don't. They have no character what so ever and could have been CG'ed into the film. The only one I knew was Missy Elliot and she come off like some kind of hip hop clown girl. If I were her I would be beating the crap out my agent for getting me involved in this thing. All the other rappers at least seem "normal" for rappers. They literally just lend their face. To spite what street cres' they might bring, they could have been played by any wanna-be. Fans of the artist will be left uttering two words. "That's It?"
If you're interested in Alba's hot dance moves, just watch the commercials. That's pretty much all of them. I was an am still a huge fan of Dark Angel, and I love Jess as much as I can love any woman I don't actually know. BUT... Her acting isn't there. She doesn't have the emotional commitment she had playing Jessica Simpson on Mad TV. Honey, the character, comes of looking like a good hearted ditz. As an authentic Bronxite I can assure you there is no such thing as "Honey". Living here give you, if nothing else, a strong survival instinct.
Mekhi Phifer wanders through the film with his "Hey, Cool Aid!" smile. There is ZERO chemistry between him an Alba.
Lil' Romeo could team up with Jake Lloyd and do "Attack of the Cardboard Cutouts." Boy should stick to music because every line out his mouth sounds like some one claiming they didn't fart, when we all know they did.
David Moscow plays the villain and is the only person in the whole film that shows a realistic emotion. Even he's victimized by the script. After being a semi-likable sleazy music video director, he turns into complete asshole when "Honey" slaps him after a drunken, unwanted advance. He's still got the best acting in the film.
Joy Bryant is probably the most interesting new faces in the film, although the script has her as some street hood bitch pulling an "Original Cindy" best friend role to Alba. She's one to watch however.
The real dreadful part is the music. I don't mean the Hip Hop either. The Hip Hop was actually survivable, and I don't like that musical style. No I'm talking about the original music between scenes. It's like the worst buy-out music from a bad 80's TV movie. It's so bad me and my friends couldn't avoid laughing at it. It's like it was cut in from some other film and totally blows the continuity of style with the film. I can't believe any one but Al Smithe took credit for that.
The real problem is the script. Sitting at the restaurant talking after, we came up with no less than 30 plot devices that could have made this a kick ass film. But the writer avoids drama like the plague, instead pounding us with the same god awful cliché's we've seen on every TV drama we've for the last 30 years. The story is SO one dimensional it's almost delusional. The dialog is painful listen to. I don't know why they let writers who perpetrate these horrors... HAVE FINGURES! The is THE worst example of screenplay work I've ever seen. Drama, is always about conflict. The conflicts in this movie are unbelievable. Not in the over the top way, I mean they just don't hold true.
Billy Woodruff's direction is visually unimaginative, but competent. There are some scenes where a particular camera move almost gave some feeling. He might be good for doing music video's but he need WAY more practice to do feature films. Of course, given the written material he was shackled with, it could be said he pulled off a miracle in directing.
I thought this film would be a bunch of thugged out fools delivering 'tude to show how "hype" they are.
I didn't even get THAT! It would have been more interesting if it was filmed as a Mockumentary on video, and it sure would have been cheaper.
The movie lacks anything even close to a soul with character's so massively undeveloped that you end up not caring enough to even dislike them.

If you MUST see Jessica, hey, it's your money. Otherwise, wait for this to be an afternoon special on free TV.
I give it 1.5 out 10 stars.