A Rom-Com where the Rom is all a matter of Comm'...

Rating: 7/10 (20 September 2019)

It was my 37th birthday party, I was leaving the restaurant, my friend saw the girl I used to be in love with from the third grade, I left the place Roadrunner style.
My friend approached her, so I went back, we talked for what was the most magical half-hour since my divorce, and I left the place on a cloud of happiness I never thought I would experience again. I would love to contact her again, but how to? She's been so inaccessible that I feel like I've reached the limit and trying more would spoil that triumphant taste. So I guess what "Hitch" got right was that dizziness you feel where you're in love and the devouring desperation that ensues.
The film gets more cinematic when the seduction involves the kind of tricks and planning that would have made Paul Newman's Gondorff jealous. Alex Hitchens' methods involve a lot of scheming, programming and digging private data about the target, so that the slogan might be "do the stalking before the talking" but in all good spirit as the whole process is wrapped up in the sheer conviction that any man can get any woman once he puts his mind into it, with the only concession to romanticism is that the man must truly love the woman. In other words, Alex Tennant's "Hitch" is a splendid example of the kind of movies Hollywood could never make again.
The film doesn't insult women but it kind of belittles their involvement in the romantic process, or underlines a certain passiveness status-wise: the man has got to be in love (that's Hitch' creed as he doesn't let a prick get a woman for sex) and the man's got to do the job, to masquerade as someone as smooth as a cat and as cool as ice when in fact, he's at the verge of having a seizure, it's a harrowing journey but it's all worth it. And the girl's job is to notice the man and gets interested enough to accept a date, then she's got to validate the good feelings, and then she's got to be conquered.
So, on the surface, "Hitch" belongs to the second school of romances when one of the two protagonists must conquer the other and let's admit it, it generally happens to be the guy. The other school involves more mutual attractions such as "When Harry Met Sally..." when only one of the two is a small step behind the other, but it's a collaborative job, interestingly we're talking of a movie written by a woman. Guess what? "Hitch" is not, but the fact that it is male-centric doesn't invalidate one theory or two it's got about the laws of attraction.
Let assume for the sake of argument that it's not a man's job to get the girl, that ever since the dawn of history, the desire of possession has never been a matter of gender, then Hitch only points out that some guys don't have the right packaging to fulfill their goals. They represent the silent majority, they're overweight, bespectacled, sometimes both, they're short, nerdish, dorks, bald, and dream of women who play in total different leagues. That's the angle taken by Hitch, their consultant, a man who knows all the do's and don't of the art of seduction, a street-smart upper-class version of Cupid or the Charming Prince of Bel-Air.
And Will Smith is not only the perfect choice for such a role but what he accomplishes is interesting, obviously his competence as a matchmaker can't do without a fair deal of manipulation, but it's never played out at the expenses of women's image. It's more of an end justifying the means, with the means never interfering with the likability Hitch' clients. On that level, Kevin James is always adorable as Alber, the dorky accountant who catches the eye of the beautiful Allegra (Amber Valleta) after one hell of a rant against his boss, and against her own passiveness too when it comes to business.
And no matter how Allegra is genuinely in love with Albert, there's no way it could happen if Hitch hadn't paved the road to that realization. But that would be too easy, and the plot threatens his perfect streak with a big challenge, his own. Sara Melas, played by the sensual and smart Eva Mendes, is the tough nut to crack, a gossip columnist who doesn't fall for any man but seems interested in Hitch. Many of their dates turn sour, forcing him to revise his theories, but while he makes loser get the girl by succeeding, it's through the little incidents (some comical and some played from drama) that he touches Sara's heart.
Still, we've seen enough rom-com to know it's a matter of time before the schemes must backfire so we get to the rule that every school of romance must respect: there's no true love without the truth. That might be love's dirtiest trick, covering your weaknesses long enough to finally unveil them once the heart is conquered. The irony is that's how the film works as well, it starts as a witty little crossover between "The Sting" and "The Graduate" but then ventures in the 'idiot' plot when Sara believes Hitch coached the playboy prick. She could at least give him the benefit of the doubt and hear his version before doing such a big thing as spreading it on her columns?
The last part was a bit far-fetched but for its overall sensibility, its tendency to make men appear as lovable fools and women as not-so easily fooled individuals, after all, communication can't do without a little pinch of manipulation. But anyway, for a man's film, "Hitch" finds a fair balance between the old and new school of romance, it can appeal to any group, any sex and it carris a sweet, tender and almost nostalgic resonance in our "battle of the sexes" driven era.