Mushroom birthday cake.

Rating: 2/10 (10 June 2018)

Oh dear lord, as I write this review I pray that you might find it within your unending holiness to forgive this cast and supporting characters for the many hours of perfectly good time that hath been wasted.
It was a good night, the kind of night that might be stored in the "remember when" series of memories one recalls by way of general conversation. We had no idea that were about to embark on a 2 hour journey that would follow one of our companions to the grave and quite possibly put to an end his authority to make decisions on what movies we just have to go see.
There was a huge gap between a head getting lobbed off by a pole, and one of those naked bear guys holding his belly up while his dong dangled freely in the moonlight that I just stared at an oversized screen, waiting and listening with all my might for something to just start making sense.
Is this what happens when a genre reaches a peak and begins to fizzle out? Do we really need an over intellectualized movie about "what if Grandma was a Satanist?" I thought this was reserved for low budget comedy flicks of the 80's. Maybe that is the silver lining here because when we saw the 4 nudes in the woods at a critical point in the wrap up, it was all we could do not to laugh, and quite frankly the hour and a half of pure emotionless boredom that preceeded that moment took it out of us, so we just laughed for a good two minutes, knowing that the joke was on us. Then we went home to watch something else to try and rinse the boredom off of us. Thanks Ash we owe you one.
On a side note, Dear Toni Colette, I have enjoyed a number of your films, how these people managed to convince you to be in this movie, then hang from a ceiling while sawing your head off is a fabulous show of salesmanship. I wish I hadn't seen that.