pretty irritating

Rating: 1/10 (20 March 2008)

With Hercules, Disney accomplished a new goal: to get the enjoyable moments of a movie down to just a few seconds. Apparently the minute or two of pleasure to be found in the duds Pochahontas, Hunchback and Tarzan was far too generous. Every moment here cheapens the previous one. This team just can't wait to show you their next un-original idea. (columns falling like dominoes, anyone?) This one has it all: obnoxious, post-Aladdin characters who appropriate a celebrity's entire persona (a la Robin-Williams: James Woods, Paul Schneider, Danny Devito, Bob Goldthwaite) instead of developing a character; this is lazy and irritating in the extreme. I can't tell you who did the voices in The Little Mermaid, because that movie had it's priorities straight. You also get crappy post-Elton John schmaltz like 'Go the Distance,' penned for those who enjoy easy listening a.m. radio, or maybe (I imagine) for figure skaters to have something schlocky to skate to. And a mediocre end-credits performance from some bad singer who apparently needed the exposure.
I have no idea why Meg is interested in Hercules. He's very annoying. Other characters note how irritating he is, and he is... an earnest jackass who keeps screwing things up isn't much to look at. There is one terrific way to not be irritating, and that's to take the hint... and calm the hell down. This idea never occurs to Hercules (or his creators). The song "I Won't Say I'm in Love" constitutes the films only non-irritating, pleasant moment.
The movie is also the lame stab at a new aesthetic that Disney attempts every 5 movies. It just looks kind of flat and cheap. It's obsessed with spirals, notably in the depiction of nipples. So when the spiral appears obsessively all over the same character, they basically have nipple-ears, nipple-elbows, nipple-chins and nipple-pins fastening their tunics. It's weird. This movie reflects the continued lack of thought that would naturally follow the previous six or seven formulaic Disney flicks that people gave easy raves. So go ahead, and drink the Disney Kool-Aid. This time it's crap flavored.