The most heartfelt romance film of the past 10 years

Rating: 9/10 (28 December 2013)

This film is about a relationship, which started with curiosity and enthusiasm, through self-doubts, then ended with a broken heart along with gained wisdom. To a certain extent, it is just like any other romance story. What makes it different or thought-provoking is that the woman in the story, Samantha, is actually a computer operation system.
They guy here is Theodore, who is soulful and sentimental.I am less interested in calling him creepy (as many people would) than acknowledging his loneliness and longing for a heartfelt connection. That explains his deliberate choice of continuing his relationship with Samantha. The lack of a physical form or even the lack of a human soul does not stop him from FEELING what he feels or more importantly, what he wants to feel. With Samantha, he has had a lot of fun and felt accepted. As Samantha tries to learn how to love, she collects data from Theodore by asking questions and identifying ( and sometimes emancipating) his emotions from his tone and language. This lavish show of interest from Samantha is hardly different from that of any romance relationship among human beings.
In this seemingly unlikely relationship, Theodore has transcended his physical need by applying his imagination (as shown in his sexual experience with Samantha). He accepts Samantha as who she is, and helps her forbear trying to be what she is not (someone with a human body). In this process, he learns how to communicate his needs and wants in a constructively way, as opposed to keeping silent but being passive aggressive (which partly explained why his marriage with Catherine ended) . Again, this kind of learning process is barely different from those of human beings.
The most critical point, when the fatal disappointment came about, happened when Theodore realized that Samantha does not just belong to him. The subjective reality, in which Theodore feels an intimate bond with Samantha, shattered when he came to realize that every personal interaction between both of them is not personal at all; there are thousands of other similar interactions taking place out there. All his personal feelings in this relationship are real, but the relationship itself is an illusion. It is this loss – not just the loss of a relationship, but the loss of "being personal," the loss of authenticity - that hits Theodore most.
This is also how our interpersonal relationships nowadays are taking tolls.
In this film, how ironic it is for people to designate computers to create handwritten letters. How ironic it is for people designate someone else to write personal letters for their beloved. Whatever supposed to be personal turns out to be not authentic at all. Apparently, technology was allowed to advance so much that human people have gradually lost their instinct and ability to communicate in the process of evolution. Yet, technology should not be to blame. The loss of authenticity actually comes from within. In case of Theodore, his problem had already happened before he "encountered" Samantha.
Is Theodore authentic to himself? Instead of looking into the issues of his relationship with Catherine, whom he still loves dearly even after separation, he turns to Samantha. Why? It's because Samantha is always receptive, empathetic, and trying to help. Catherine is probably right in saying that he just wants a wife "without the challenge of actually dealing with anything real." How many people are just like Theodore? Whether knowingly or unknowingly, we moved on to the next relationship, because it is easier to move on than facing the weaknesses in ourselves. It needs courage to confront our issues, let alone working on it. As confessed by Theodore himself, he did not express to Catherine what he was not happy with, but the way he reacted just put a lot of pressure on her. If he had understood it earlier, he could have saved his marriage. At least, maybe.
But then, what ironic is that he did not get this insight until he ran into problem with Samantha. The reason why it was Samantha, but not Theodore's human wife, who can get him understand his problem is that, Samantha is so ready to learn all the time. When she makes a mistake, she will adjust herself, and re-calculate for the next move in order to fulfill her functions as an operation system. For human beings, there are so many reasons why we just cannot or do not work this way. We do not always admit our mistakes; we may put the blames on others; we look for excuses; we may refuse to change or compromise; we want our own way; we might put our autonomy before relationships (various kinds). In doing all these (or some of these), we are not making our relationships (of any kind) work. We lose in a relationship when we don't listen and learn. It is avoidance. As we avoid, we focus on covering up our weaknesses and hiding our vulnerability in order to protect our true self. Sadly enough, without authenticity, we will never be able to reach another person at an intimate level. That is how our interpersonal relationships take tolls.
The film definitely ends on a positive note. After the roller-coaster ride of emotions, Theodore came up with a new understanding of his relationship with his ex-wife. The breakthrough came about as he personally and genuinely communicated his feelings to Catherine in a mail. Meanwhile, he has the companionship of his friend Amy, to whom he can open his heart and feel fine being vulnerable. This friendship lasts; this friendship works.