hated it

Rating: 2/10 (18 January 2014)

Possible minor spoilers below
When I first saw the coming attractions, I vowed I would NOT be seeing this. Then it got such high praise, and I normally DO like Joaquin Phoenix and Amy Adams, love Scarlett Johansson, and I decided that the plot sounded interesting enough to give it a try. Unfortunately, it did not work for me at all. This was a one dimensional idea that they tried to make into a 2 hour movie that took itself much too seriously. I get that we're all on the verge of relating more to our iThings than our actual relationships. That's the one dimension. Most every person in the movie is absorbed with their pocket computers, just like most everyone is today, except to an even more neurotic degree. The natural extension of this neurosis is that we could fall in love with these things to the extent that we exclude actual human beings from our lives. I get this. But I hated the movie. The first 20 minutes was intriguing. The booting up of the system, the first conversation - I even admit I thought it would be cool to have an OS1 myself. Then, just like that, the creepiness factor overcame the intrigue and I started squirming and the most inviting thing I could see in the theater was the EXIT signs to the left and right of the screen. I did not take the exit - I watched the movie through - but for at least the last 1 and 1/2 hours, I was simultaneously creeped out, disgusted, bored, and repulsed. The movie had nowhere to go. Maybe that was the point. It had nowhere to go, just like our relationships with our devices have nowhere to go. I get the point but demonstrating it to me in this way was torture. WHY did he wear the nearly identical clothing throughout? And this clothing looked shabby and worn in close ups - what was the wardrobe designer thinking? Where was the spirit of Edith Head? Theodore seemed fairly well-to-do. He couldn't ever change his shirt and pants? HOW could he afford a swanky looking apartment, while working in what looked like a cog-n-the-machine type of no-influence job? Sure he was creative, but this type of a job does not earn the big bucks. True I don't know the society, but you did see row upon row of similar grunts doing the same thing as he. This would be a low pay, low reward type of crappy job. Then we have Samantha, who, after the initial exhilarating (I admit) introduction to human society (sterile as it was) became just a prop in the movie and nothing more. Sure there were a few surprises along the way, but not enough to sustain the movie. As I said, it might have been a 20 minute vignette or Saturday Night Live skit. Except there was not enough humor even for that witless show. A foul mouthed holographic image in a video game did little to liven things up. What about the potential liabilities and repercussions of publishing supposedly personal, hand written (by others) love letters? Didn't Skip, or Chris, or whatever their blasted names were, have any comment upon maybe finding out their lovers did NOT write these letters, seeing them published in a book by Theodore? Not a word about this - one of the few things that COULD have provided a little interest, conflict, and resolution. But nothing. Did the writers actually not understand this? Too complex a thought for them? (My wife pointed this out and I was proud of her) I got sick and tired of seeing Phoenix'z nerdy face in almost every scene, was revolted by the prostitute pretending to be Samantha (although Samantha denied she was a prostitute but let's call a spade a spade), was totally repulsed and embarrassed (for the movie makers that is) by the sex with Samantha scene - was praying they would touch cheeks and leave it at that - which it looked like they were about to when the screen went blank but no, they had to heap on the stinky schmaltz by continuing the verbal coitus - what a repulsive pile of steaming excrement this movie is. HOW could the little girl and the friends at the picnic hear Samantha, when Theodore always had to wear that earpiece? They did not have any earpieces, but suddenly Samantha's voice rang out. The hooker needed it though. They even blew the opportunity to have the real Scarlett Johansson play the hooker, which would have provided at least a touch of irony to this idiotic and childish nightmare of a movie, but no, they found an actress who almost looked like Scarlett instead, although Scarlett herself was right there for them. WTF????? Insipid and bland, while being creepy and repulsive. The worst possible combination of normally mutually exclusive elements. Amy Adams' performance was passable, and Scarlett Johansson has a nice voice. I liked the first 20 minutes - the scene at the beach and in the arcade as Samantha was indoctrinated into the nightmarish world of human society grown OS dependent. That is all I can find to say about this otherwise tortuous rip-off of a movie. My wife, with whom I saw it, felt exactly the same way about it. Another good thing is that with every passing, gruesomely excruciating moment, I loved my real flesh-and-blood wife more and more. And yes, this maybe was the point, but it was supposed to be a movie, not a marital therapy session. Sorry to those that loved it, and I realize a lot of folks did love it. But my wife and I are certainly not among them. Saved the day and my mood by buying a great looking black wool fedora after the movie ended - so this trashy movie would up costing me $107. $22 for the movie tickets and $85 for the hat.