Her is boring!

Rating: 1/10 (3 February 2014)

I couldn't get Brendan Fraser's character in Bedazzled out of my head while watching this. You know, the one who cries at the songs of the whales and also at sunsets? And whose girlfriend just longs to be banged? This pretentious overlong film almost put me to sleep. It redefined boring. And yes, there are those who will protest, 'But that's because you are too stupid to appreciate the subtle nuance of the multilayer storyline.' Yeah right - I know a turkey when I see one. And it's okay that you can validate your own lives from this risible drivel.
The lead character, Theodore Twambly, works in a super-de-duper Hallmark type of company, writing cards for people unable to articulate their feelings to their loved ones. His co-worker stops by his desk at one point, puts his hand on his shoulder and tells him that his cards are 'beautiful' 'cos he's so 'sensitive.' He adds that he's so sensitive, in fact, that he must be half female 'cos, y'know, guys don't get that stuff. I'd go further. This guy is producing so much oestrogen I'm surprised he didn't need feminine hygiene products.
He has sex with his virtual girlfriend (i.e. he masturbates while chatting to her on the phone). And smiles as he tells his friend, Amy about this. As does she. With absolutely no sense of irony in the fact that the sex he is having with his 'new girlfriend' consists of free phone sex with a machine. Hilarious! When a real girl offers her body as proxy(hey, it takes all sorts!)to Samantha , his virtual girlfriend, he grows uncomfortable and calls a halt to the lovemaking. Virtual sex is okay but he draws the line at ménage à trois, which involves ...um...y'know....a real woman.
I'm not sure whether it was Joaquin Phoenix or Spike Jonze's idea to have Theodore speak throughout the film in that annoying ultra even tone. Has this guy, ever, once in his entire life, got angry? If you think of HAL from 2001, you wouldn't be far off the mark. Or Robin Williams on Valium.
I could go on. His ex partner, soon to be ex wife. Childhood sweethearts, so OS1 Samantha is only the second long-term girlfriend he has had in his life. He discovering that Samantha has more than six hundred love partners, etc,. etc. But I'm guessing you know by now that I didn't like it.
If Spike Jonze's aim was to make a film about the dangers of online friends over real friends (I have 250 Facebook friends and six regular buddies in COD so I must be popular), then he did a good job. I'm not so sure that this was his intent though. The film aimed for, and by all accounts reached, the pseudo-intellectual audience bereft of real friends, and looking for validation of their surrogate online existence.
Me, I like something a little less cerebral. Anybody know when the new Dumb and Dumber comes out?