Why, why, why, del Toro?!!

Rating: 3/10 (12 September 2008)

I liked the first Hellboy and pretty much love everything else del Toro has done, but I am SO exasperated about this sequel, so much that I'm writing a comment which I hardly ever do! There are only about 3 redeeming things about this film in my opinion (let's start with the positives!) - firstly, the creatures are on the whole really creative and unmistakably del Toro, in particular King Balor's briefly-seen soldiers and the creepy Chamberlain character, and the freaky Angel of Death. The tooth fairies were pretty cool too although the Golden Army itself lacked imagination visually. Secondly the Krauss character was mildly amusing even if he did suffer from bad dialogue ("suck my ectoplasmic something or other"...CRINGE!) and he was no replacement for Agent Myers, the human member of the team through whose eyes we were first introduced to the crazy world of Hellboy. His absence is explained away hastily in one clumsy line - it seems Hellboy sent him away because he still saw him as a rival for Liz's affections, even though he seemed to make peace with him at the end of the first film and accept him? Thirdly (this is so minor but I thought I'd mention it) the goblin they meet in Co.Antrim had a basically authentic Northern Irish accent - it would have been so easy to use a stereotypical comedy "sure an' begorra" accent as many audiences outside Britain may not have detected the difference but they went with the right accent which was good to see. Although, wasn't it annoying the way the place and time kept flashing up every other scene? That wasn't always needed.
My main bugbear is that I think there were too many action sequences - too many weird and wonderful characters and show-downs crammed in - you have the tooth fairies, the Scottish troll thing, then the troll market, then the utterly stupid looking CGI plant thing which was so powerful yet was easily dispatched by a couple of bullets (all done while Hellboy was holding a baby, which I feel was only put in so we could be shown that HELLBOY IS COMFORTABLE WITH BABIES - Ooh, that's lucky, cos he's gonna be a Dad! more on that later), then the giant, then the angel of death, then finally (phew!) the lacklustre and easily defeated army. I'm sure del Toro could have saved at least a bit of this for the next film which is so obviously going to happen (Krauss hastily and clunkingly refers to his lost love, which there's 'time to explain about later').
Acting - not great, especially the Princess (particularly the "No, brother, no!" line which I nearly burst out laughing at, it was so wooden!) I normally love Selma Blair but she just looked stroppy in this one and had none of the depth she had as Liz in the original. I've never really seen what is the fuss is about Ron Perlman - I just don't think he's anything special. Manning was a great character in the first one but in the sequel he just skirts around Hellboy and has none of his attitude from the original - I felt that Jeffrey Tambor's talent was wasted here. Luke Goss was actually very good, I was sorry to see his character killed.
The 'Liz 4 Hellboy' storyline has always seemed a little far-fetched to me anyway and I've heard that it doesn't actually happen in the comics (not sure?), but of course this is a Hollywood film so the hero has to be in a relationship, but del Toro has actually gone even further into the the 'let's make Hellboy normal' territory - oh my God, they're gonna be PARENTS. This is something I REALLY did not see coming, and to be honest the film lost me when Liz's pregnancy is discovered. I have some real issues with the ridiculousness of this plot turn! As if the opening with the cheesy young Hellboy (who is holding a doll or teddy and then a toy pistol, like all kids permanently do - yes we can see that he's a kid, he doesn't have to always be holding toys to drive this home to us) wasn't schmaltzy enough, and just an obvious way to get John Hurt squeezed into the sequel, we're now gonna get not one but two wisecracking and ultimately no doubt thoroughly irritating half-demon, half-human children hanging off Hellboy's back in the next film?! (shudders) That's one reason I'll be avoiding it! But further to this, call me pedantic, I know it's a fantasy story, it's not meant to be realistic, but why isn't Liz a little apprehensive about carrying two children who may each, for instance, be partially made of stone?! Or be huge like their father? How the hell's she going to carry them, what effect would it have on her physically?! It seems unrealistic that they both just accept that obviously it's going to be a completely 'normal' pregnancy with no risk to Liz's health or the babies'. Stupid, stupid idea!
This film had none of the del Toro magic and seemed to be made for teenagers or even older children. By the time they unleashed the golden army, I just didn't care anymore what happened to anyone, I was looking up at the ceiling, sighing and waiting for the end. Del Toro didn't even need this sequel, it was fine ending where it did. Fingers crossed he'll be back on form with the Hobbit.
All in all, a great film for youngsters and anyone in a light entertainment mood, but ultimately I think del Toro fans will be very disappointed. Rent on DVD if you're curious but I'd say put Cronos, Pan's Labyrinth or even Blade 2 in your DVD player instead of paying to see this.