Entertaining but forgettable.

Rating: 7/10 (17 July 2008)

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Review
Hellboy 2 is a movie I'm surprised even got made. That isn't to say the first Hellboy was bad, it was just a big summer blockbuster that was watch by most people only once.
Well for that reason alone I'm glad to see that it got made. I wasn't the biggest Hellboy fan, I thought the first movie was entertaining enough to watch, but I did respect it. The second is noticeably better, but I still wouldn't say I'm rushing out to buy the B.P.R.D trades. I guess the metaphor I'm looking for is, it's a like a girl (or guy) you've been dating but she (or he) just isn't your type but you have some good times. Basically Hellboy is just a friend, at least to me.
The film is filled with amazing effects, and actually as soon to be film student I would watch this film again just to admire the effects. Great characters designs, sets, props, everything is top notch. Best of all CGI is not abused, yes its there obviously, but it has to be, but that is why CGI should exist. No matter what advances are made, I do not believe they will ever make a character or object with CGI look like it really exists.
I should point out that in terms of execution the movie is great; the script is where my problems lie. The plot centers on a standard mcguffin, the pieces of a crown that allows the wearer to control the golden army (a unstoppable robotic army). It's the decisions made by the characters in the film regarding the crown that really bothers me. I'll have to delve into spoiler town here, so if you haven't seen the movie and intend to its probably best to skip down to where I say its safe. During the second act the last piece of the crown is in the hands of our heroes, given to them by the twin sister of villain (with whom she shares a psychic link).. She hides it in a book, but He only knows that it is a book not any book. He fights and wounds Hellboy, He tells them He will heal Hellboy in exchange for the piece and goes off. His friends decide to take him to him, however they didn't plan on taking the piece except his friend Abe does because He loves the villain's sister and the villain said he will never see her again if he doesn't get the piece. So Hellboy gets healed by the amazing angel of trilogy foreshadowing, and the go off to kill the villain, but of course Abe gives up the goods and the Golden army is unleashed.
Here are my problems with this:

If the villains sister (Princess whateverhername) knew her brother could find her, why didn't she just say "here's the crown piece, hide it some place far from me" and leave them? Also she informs them of this fact when He's about two minutes away, and she says it like its nothing, like She doesn't think it could happen. - The Prince, instead of staying to slaughter everyone (and you know He could) and find the piece in one of the books (there isn't that many), He leaves it up to the heroes. Come on. He could of tossed the shelf over and the piece would of popped out of the book. - Abe gives up the piece cause He loves her, good idea except you got to see about as much as her regardless cause now you are gonna be flattened by a giant robot army. - BIG SPOILERS: Princess whatever dies if her brother dies, and the same goes for him. So it would of saved the world a lot of trouble if she does what she does before He makes the crown whole. I understand that It is a difficult decision but does she any other end to this. - MORE BIG SPOILERS: It ends with Liz (Hellboy's girl) melting the crown with Her fire powers. OK. WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT WHEN YOU HAVE THE THIRD PIECE!

I know the answers to this because then there wouldn't be a third act. But come on, if you have holes in the writing fix them, don't just say 'Go with it, its not Shakespeare'. They are easy problems to fix.

Instead of having the brother know exactly where they are via thoughts. Have secretly place a tracking device on them, I mean sure its not great but its just as pulled out your ass as the telepathic tracking and the princess doesn't know about it. - Simple, have him take the piece and instead the Abe betrayal bit, it becomes a much more exciting race against time. - This one is fixed by the above sentence. - Now this one is trickier, but my suggestion would have been to not have telegraphed it by a mile away. Instead of someone saying "She'll die if He dies" they should instead set it up earlier by having Abe ask "If your brother dies do you die?" and Her asking "I dunno, I've never died before" and then that at least gives you the excuse that it hadn't come to her by that point to do that. - So easy watch Raiders of the lost ark and tweak that ending enough so it isn't a rip off. Just say it indestructible or something and the crown pieces must be hidden. SPOILERS END

So instead of a 9 or 10, I give it a 7. Entertaining, and a lot of skill and hard work went into it, but not a personal favorite. rite.