Boy was that Hell to sit through without committing suicide to stop the pain

Rating: 1/10 (4 August 2008)

I reluctantly saw the first HellBoy thinking it would suck, and ended up really enjoying it. I went to HellBoy II expecting it to be good...and it sucked the life out of the Universe like a black hole. I wanted to stab myself in the ears with ice picks to stop the pain of hearing the wretched script of vomit assaulting my brain. I actually feel dumber after having seen this movie. Whereas Del Toro is a gifted and artistic visual director, Im convinced he ate an entire bottle of Will Ferrels "crazy pills" of Magatos while creating this so called plot. Even Barry Manilow would beat Del Toros butt for using his music to make this dung bomb of a movie even worse. Maybe if the audience could drink cases of Tecate beer, did anyone notice the dozen scenes blatantly hammered into your faces of that Mexican rust water of beer?! Anyway, perhaps if you were blindly drunk, and in a black out, you could enjoy this Ebola virus of a movie.....although even Ebola has a purpose unlike this movie. Boy...this movie was certainly Hell to watch. I wish there was a way to erase the stink of creative death this movie injected in my brain. This isn't as harsh a review as Id truly like for it to be...because I cant use that kind of language here. I can say, if you really really really hate and loath someone and want to punish them mercilessly, then take them to see this movie and chain them to their seat and put toothpicks in their eyes to make them watch the entire movie! You MUST really hate them though as this is a severe beating of the senses.