well...it certainly was a movie

Rating: 4/10 (14 June 2004)

It's going to be difficult to find 1000 words to use in reviewing a movie that put me to sleep, but I'll try my darnedest, because I think it's important that people be warned of its sombulatory effects. Given my druthers, I'd like this review to be a simple five word sentence: "It put me to sleep.", but IMDB guidelines force me to go on. Still, my further review will just be fluff around the fact that I fell asleep, so if you're just reading for the primary point, you've already passed it, and can now stop reading the rest.
First, I love action/adventure movies. If I'd never seen one before, Hellboy would probably be a favorite. But, as I've seen many, there wasn't a single thing in Hellboy to keep my interest. Not in the plot, not in the dialogue, and not in the details (except for one of the villains, who had a cool ability, that the film makers than ruinned by completely circumventing it). If you've seen both Men In Black movies, then you already know the full plot arch of this film, as well as many of the details. If you've seen more than two action films since the mid-80s, then you know all of the dialogue.
I can't believe there's a sequel already in the works. Hollywood is out of ideas.