This Movie Really Sucks!

Rating: 1/10 (5 April 2004)

About two weeks ago, I was at my local Best Buy. They were handing out preview DVDs for Hellboy. Unfortunately, I watched it. Hellboy has the worst costume I have ever seen. His horn nubs look like red Styrofoam and his chest looks like something you would buy at Target for Halloween. His big arm looks like a spray painted hockey glove. We made fun of this movie for 2 weeks before it came out. I had absolutely no intentions of going.. However, my friend really wanted to see this atrocity. So I decided to go. I expected a bad movie, but what I saw was beyond horrible. The plot made no sense. The cutesy red demon child was gay, that Nazi gas mask guy spins his knives like an idiot instead of killing Hellboy. Hellboy spews random horrible punch lines until the demon gets p***ed of and attacks him. All Hellboy has to do is PULL THE F*CK*NG trigger to his enormous gun and the demon would be dead. I think you all know the scene that I'm talking about. They didn't explain anything about the huge octopus demons that will destroy the world. They didn't explain the huge hand thing and how it is supposed to unlock dimensions. I'm just naming a few things that p***ed me off. There are many more, but anytime I try to recall parts if this movie I break into a cold sweat and get the overwhelming urge to puke all over my monitor.