hurts so good - warning *** sarcasm

Rating: 10/10 (7 April 2004)

With his Clint Eastwood stogie, Incredible Hulk build, Thing hand, samurai pony tail and oversized gun - Hellboy is certainly an amalgam of all that makes a hero a hero. This is one of several points the thinking man's critics will cite to slam this movie. That being said - it for the same reasons they hate this film that I love it. Sure the idea of a machine that conjures demons is silly. It's supposed to be silly - it's adapted from a comic book. Sure there's some direct co-opting (with the juvenile inclusion of the Rasputin character) -- just wait until Van Helsing rears its ugly head - don't worry, these aren't Van Helsing spoilers, it's just a prediction. Sure Ron Perlman isn't a great actor. Sure he can ONLY play it cool and therefore the small trench of emotional depth del Toro attempts to dig for him is squandered. Sure Selma Blair's character is an X-Men reject. Sure Abe Sapien is sort of like a gay C3PO. Sure John Hurt is the only decent actor here, and it's the laughable how serious he is. Sure this film has the symptoms of Razzie material. Sure it was released by Revolution Studios. But it is an exciting, entertaining and endearing film. A film where a character's intentions are "explained and not conveyed" through the dialogue of other characters. As in Mimic, Hellboy's protagani are facing humanoid demons that don't seem to follow any particular trend in Darwin's bioevolution. The dialogue, on the other hand, is funny. It is flawed - but it's pure mental comic book masturbation of the highest order. It may not have that whole "cinema" thing going on for it, as exhibited in late comic book adapts. of the highest order like X-Men and the ever-popular [that's about IT] series. As I said before - this is the sort of film that will be easily torn apart by bloodthirsty critics. Some may view del Toro's choice of presenting the idea of a Hellboy comic book existing within the world of the Hellboy comic book adapt. as corny and grounds for a cheap laugh or three (hint, hint) but I see it as another staple in a film which is trying to be bad. I don't mean it's trying to be boring or overly derivative or stupid - it's just trying to be silly, offering its characters just little enough emotional depth to accept. As exhibited best in the first few minutes of the film, del Toro has the gift of making stuff look cool. Whereas Blade II was stupid, and Mimic was also pretty stupid, Hellboy is witty, visually vibrant, exciting, thrilling, chilling, skilling and illing. Word. There are many happy returns to mediocrity, plot holes and character flaws. Selma Blair feels tacked on - an excuse for a female character. Hellboy is a bit one note. The "new guy" character is sort of broadly drawn. The guy from Frasier. The story is sort of difficult to follow - namely, WHY Rasputin needs Hellboy to destroy the world, what that thing in space is (what the hell is it? I honestly don't know! Do you? No, no you don't!) why that guy in the gas-mask seems to be living forever as well. All in all, this is one of those films you'll love or hate depending on your intelligence, and sense of humor. Also, it's shocking how much time is wasted in this film - but at the same time, it's also shocking how short and long it is at the same time. And Abe Sapien vanishes without a trace for the entire third act. Why do I like this movie? Somebody please tell me. I know I didn't dislike it. But there's so much wrong with it.