Hellboy: A review

Rating: 8/10 (3 April 2004)

As all of us nerds know, Hellboy is adapted from the Dark Horse comic that's been around ever since I was a kid. I've never picked up an issue, but after seeing the movie I really wish I had. And here I am, thinking I was cool for spotting one of the hockey-imps in `Dogma' wearing a Hellboy shirt. Guillermo Del Toro was a shoe-in for this film, picking a fine cast and getting them to act well! So many times have I seen good actors fall prey to poor directors, but Guillermo is rather gifted at his craft (just pretend Mimic didn't happen). After sitting down and watching several cool previews (Van Helsing is gonna be kickass!), I was thrust into World War II and into the mind of Professor Broom. Professor Broom, played by decades-worn actor John Hurt, was sent in from the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense to sweep up the Nazis! Get it? 'Cause his name is Broom! Anyway, after a small soliloquy detailing the life and times of Prof. Broom, we encounter him and the soldiers he's assigned with trying to foil the schemes of the science and witchcraft-wielding Nazis. We're introduced to the main evildoer, the legendary immortal Grigori Rasputin, played by Karel Roden (you may know him better from his role in Blade II), his cronies, Rasputin's somehow un-aging love, Ilsa, and the missing Mushroomhead member, Kroenen, and his plot to awaken the seven Gods of Chaos. After some cool action, we are introduced to the `red ape' they decided to name Hellboy. Baby Hellboy was extremely cute, even with the abnormally large Fisto-esque right hand. We're then treated to a tabloid-laden opening credit sequence whereupon we learn that Hellboy is none-other than an alternate-universe Bigfoot.
As the plot thickens, we meet John T. Myers (Rupert Evans), FBI Agent and Hellboy's new nanny. Shocked after meeting Abe Sapien (played by Doug Jones and voiced by none other than Niles himself, David Hyde Pierce), the merman with the `unique frontal lobe', John is amazed after meeting Hellboy. Extremely well played by Ron Perlman (also known for his roles as Deathstroke the Terminator in the horrible anime gyp-off `Teen Titans' cartoon and One from City of Lost Children), Hellboy would be quite the frightening site to bump into in the darkness of a back alley. Despite his attempt to look `normal' by sanding his horns down, the red skin and spaded tail give him away completely, no Clark Kent/Prince Adam mind-trickery here, no sir! This wise-cracking, cigar smoking, trench-coat wearing devil is very much a tragic character; a facet they don't utilize enough. But far too many reviewers bash and bash and bash the film until it's a soft, pulpy mess that has seen better days at the bottom of a garbage disposal. Sure there were negative qualities about Hellboy, but what movie is devoid of them? The fact is we go to the movies to be entertained, and Hellboy is a thoroughly entertaining film.
There is a very healthy mix of plot-rich drama (the origin story and return to BPRD of Selma Blair's character Liz Sherman), comic relief (Hellboy's refusal to take love advice from a nine-year-old while spying on Liz and John), action (Hellboy's battling of the `Hound of Resurrection' Sammael), creepiness (beasties from space that would make Lovecraft proud) and of course, bigotry (Jeffrey Tambor's portrayal of the Hellboy-hating Cochise of the FBI, Dr. Manning). The CGI-rendered hellhound is creepy, but its often sick regeneration ability is even creepier (think limb relocation complete with bone-snapping action). All in all, from start to finish, it's a definite teaser to what the summer season will bring in terms of action and the fall season will bring in terms of horror. I'm sure those Hellboy fanboys will be more than pleased with the film.
Yet again, we can thank cinematic wizardry to give us lessons on how not to judge a book by its cover and more reasons to hate Nazis. I give Hellboy three out of four stars and anxiously await a movie starring the extremely bizarre Kroenin. C'mon, you all know he's the coolest character in the movie (and the comic I'm sure) the moment you see him, who're you fooling!?