The Professor And The Beast

Rating: 5/10 (5 April 2004)

If you were to break down the beginning of Hellboy in it's simplest terms, the Nazi's, aided by Rasputin of Nicholas and Alexandria fame, go messing around with the occult to bring forth some evil doers to aid Hitler in his conquest of the worlds. Those doggone Nazis!!! If they weren't out looking for the Lost Ark or the Holy Grail then they're messing around with the Dark Forces. One would have to wonder how they ever found time to fight a war. Before they can succeed with their plan however, a battalion of U.S. soldiers, aided by a young Professor Bruttenholm, thwart their misdeeds, but not before a cute devilish baby pops into our world. He is captured by the Professor, who promptly gives him the name Hellboy, and we fast forward a few decades to the present. The Professor (now played by John Hurt)has raised the little dickens to manhood so that he is now played by Ron Perlman. Having played the Beast Vincent in the TV series Beauty and The Beast in the late 1980's, Perlman is a an old pro at working in heavy makeup. As Hellboy, the makeup is mostly red, he has horns that he keeps grinding flat to make him look more like a human, but he sports a tail so that's pretty much a useless endeavor. He is now used by the FBI, to combat the forces of evil. Unfortunately, the writers and director decided to gum up the works by throwing in everything but the kitchen sink. The plot in this film becomes so convoluted at times, an extra strength bottle of Drano couldn't clear it up and I'm not sure I'll have much success either but I'll give it a shot.
First off, there's the thing about Rasputin (Karel Rodan). He's there with the Nazi's for Hellboy's coming out party but we don't know how he got there. Then there's a blond woman named Ilsa (Bridget Hodson). There's also some weird guy named Kroenen (Ladislav Beran) who we find out later seems to have been stitched together by an apprentice of Dr. Frankenstein. Having escaped from Professor Bruttenholm's war party, they survive into the present day, without ever aging. Then with a little bit of Hocus Pocus Alakazam, they summon up some CGI Demons for Hellboy to do battle with. The problem with this demon is that every time one is defeated, two takes it's place. So, soon they're multiplying faster than you can say Roger Rabbit, and Hellboy and the rest of the world is in big trouble. Again, I have written what happens in it's most simplest of terms so you might be able to follow it. The explanations and reasoning used in the film are partially non existent and the rest of it is a bunch of mumbo jumbo hooey that you won't understand anyway. What makes all this so irritating is that it is absolutely unnecessary. There are a lot of good things going on in Hellboy that are completely wasted because of the overbearing plot laid into the film.
The biggest mistake Director and Writer Guillermo Del Toro makes, is that once we see the origin of Hellboy, he skips directly into his adulthood to expedite things. We know the Professor raises him almost like his own son, but we don't have a clue as to any of the psychological or inner makeup of Hellboy. We know he likes Candy bars, we learn he likes to take off some times against the professor's wishes, we find out he loves a good cigar, but little else. We simply don't have a clue as to anything about him on a personal level. It's not Perlman's fault. He is terrific as Hellboy, often using a dry sarcastic kind of no nonsense wit, and Perlman always seems to be having a blast. However, since we know so little about him as flesh and blood, we can't identify with him and we end up regarding him as nothing more than what he is on paper which is a comic book hero.
As if we needed reminding of the major failing of the film, Del Toro also gives us a love interest for Hellboy. It seems Hellboy is carrying the torch for a pyrokineticist named Liz (Selma Blair). Think of Drew Barrymore in Firestarter and you've got the idea. Blair also gives another good performance as Liz, a woman tortured by her existence. Strangely, Del Toro does give us a brief glimpse into Liz's childhood, and because of it we understand her better than we do anything about Hellboy. We are however, never given a clue as to how the Liz and Hellboy met, how he fell for her, why she left the compound he lives in or anything else for that matter. There is one great scene where Liz goes for a walk with John Myers(Rupert Evans)and a jealous Hellboy follows them. It's one of the few moments of humanity given to Hellboy, and it's a big pay off. If only there had been more moments like this than it would have been time better spent.
Hellboy is also not the only superhero to inhabit the lab where he is kept. There is sort of an Aquaman type being by the name of Abe Sapien who swims around in a tank, eats rotten eggs, and his psychic powers that he uses to aid Hellboy. He is one of the most believable CGI characters I've ever seen in a film of this type, aided measurably by the voice of David Hyde Pierce. It would have been more interesting to have seen how the relationship between Abe, the professor, and Hellboy developed if Del Toro hadn't been in such a hurry to get to his idiot plot in order to burn up his special effects budget to the max.
As for the special effects and the battle scenes, they are terrific just for the sheer spectacle, and it's fun to watch and listen to Hellboy as he goes to war against the monsters. The problem with these scenes though are the same with everything else about this film. The origin of the monsters and everything about them is so murky, and jumped into so fast, that even these scenes are viewed from a dispassionate distance.
Benico Del Toro had all the tools to make the beginnings of a great new comic book series on film. Unfortunately, when you have the tools and the only thing you can manage is to build a motorboat instead of the ARK, then I have no choice but to give you my grade which for Hellboy is a C.