Hellboy? More like Drearyboy!

Rating: 1/10 (25 January 2005)

I didn't like HELLBOY. In fact, I didn't like ANYTHING about HELLBOY, which is a first. You see, even if I don't like a movie, I always try to find something in it, like a certain scene or piece of music or some acting, that's good in an otherwise awful production. Well, not with HELLBOY. I couldn't find anything original or worthwhile in the entire super derivative film.
This film is so derivative that I actually had to make a list of movies/TV shows HELLBOY reminded me of: X-MEN (group of mutant like heroes); X-FILES (secret government esoteric department); MEN IN BLACK (see X-FILES); THE RELIC (the monsters and the whole scene at the museum); THE FIFTH ELEMENT (a character's secret power which can change the world); FIRESTARTER (easy one there...); RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (HELLBOY's beginning looks like the ending in RAIDERS); THE KEEP (about Nazis trying to resurrect an evil force for their own good); LEGEND (big red horny guy played by Tim Curry)...on and on it goes. This movie has almost not a single trace of originality in it. It's truly amazing.
But what's unforgettably bad about HELLBOY, aside from the bad script and bad acting from the entire dull cast, is the whole direction and tone of it. It's leaden, super slow and DREARY. It makes the following unoriginal proceedings that much more difficult to watch or sit through. It's simply awful. As fun as nails on a chalkboard. The director is known to be a "fanboy". Fanboys should never make movies.