Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce

Rating: 1/10 (4 January 2005)

Ouch. This film irritated me so much I was in tortuous pain by the end of it. I only really have one reason for despising this film, but this reason is so monumental in its power that it caused me to spend much of the film writhing around on the carpet in agonising spasms, spasms from which I am only just beginning to recover. The reason ladies and gentlemen, is terrible child acting.
The three kids, in particular the girl, are guilty of some of the most trite, sickly sweet overacting ever seen on the silver screen. They reminded me of primary school plays where the most precocious kids in the class are given the leading roles rather than those with any semblance of charisma or acting ability. They somehow fail in portraying any tangible or believable emotion whatsoever. They do however succeed in over-pronouncing every single letter of every syllable of every word as if the Lord of Language himself (possibly Stephen Fry) were watching over them ready to strike them down in the event of a missing 't' in sweet or a missing 'g' in bloody annoying. It is the cinematic equivalent of Maria Carey warbling up and down through every conceivable note in order to try and prove that she can sing; but in doing so exhibiting a pretentiousness that has no place on this earth.
My unofficial award for worst acting performance is currently held by the actor who played young Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace, but these three run him very close indeed.
Someday I will get around to reviewing the film's plot and characters but only when the agony and nausea are fully extinguished from my limbs and I can once again look out upon the world with the asceticism and joyful exuberance that have become my trademark. Good day.