Am I the only one who saw this movie? (SPOILERS BELOW)

Rating: Null/10 (13 December 2001)

When I went to see this movie, no one was in the theater. I was literally the only one there. After feeling depressed upon realizing I had no friends or life, I started becoming consumed with the film. Was I the only one confused by that so-called Quidditch match? I mean, what kind of ridiculous game is that anyway. If I had been playing that game, I would have simply cast some sort of death spell on the other team, and then laughed a lot, while Alan Rickman and I talked about Die Hard (a far superior film in every way.)
People keep comparing this movie to Lord of the Rings. I don't understand why. They're not even in the same genre. This was some sort of pseudo tragedy with Arthurian overtones. Wasn't it obvious that Weasley was a Young King Arthur struggling with the knowledge and power of Excalibur? Secondly, Lord of the Rings is an epic comedy like Woody Allen's Take the Money and Run. Who doesn't laugh when Arwen does her pagan dance of Voodoo love?

Another thing, people keep saying that scenes from Harry Potter are similar to those of the Phantom Menace. The Phantom Menace was horrible. Who cares if they borrowed scenes? If anything, they should have taken the scenes and not put them back, so as the Phantom Menace might be a better film. Would anyone really care if the stupid pod race wasn't in the movie? I surely wouldn't. For a satire on the contemporary human ethos of the Oedipus/Electra complex, Phantom Menace hardly lived up to expectations.

Back to Harry Potter - I heard that in other countries, the original title is Philosopher's Stone; this is because stupid Americans become frightened by words like Philosopher. I agree. Americans are stupid. The school system in the states is pathetic, and it's teaching crazy people to compare this movie to other movies that cannot even begin to relate.

The visuals weren't that impressive. Did anyone else notice that Harry Potter was being carried around by giant ropes? It was pretty obvious to me. And when that troll was in the school, was I the only one who noticed it was not a real troll? I'd think with the budget they must have had for this film, they could have hired a real troll. Also, the three headed dog was actually a two headed dog with a computer generated third head. It was clear that the so-called "third head" was poorly drawn by inferior computer designers. The best part of this movie would likely be the lesson I was taught at the end, which was that if a Wizard really likes you, you'll likely be able to cheat and steal points away from the evil looking blonde kid. It's a lesson we all have to learn in life, I'm happy to have learned it now.
Overall, I rate this movie a 10 out of 10, because it was bombastically beautiful.