Harry Potter and the Return of the Happy Meal

Rating: Null/10 (22 November 2001)

The most eagerly-awaited book-to-film translation arrives with a thunderous roar but eventually takes a few bad turns and winds up just another bombastic marketing escapade. Buy a Sorceror's Happy Meal and get your very own magic wand free. The film cost $125 million to make and a third more ($40M) to market.
At the start, it seems as though Chris Columbus has melded "Mary Poppins" with "Willy Wonka" fairly well, with Harry's nagging foster parents, a loutish blowhard bully of a foster-brother, a cool giant of a man (Robbie Coltrane, who pretty much steals this show), a cool scene in Victorian England's "Diagon Alley" (get it?) where Harry buys his sorcery supplies, fun cameos (by John Hurt, John Cleese and others), brooding would-be villain Alan Rickman, priggish professor Maggie Smith, wisened Headmaster Richard Harris, etc.
The sets are superb, the special effects for the most part, excellent, although the CGI-splattered Quidditch game is over-the-top ~ reminding one of Lucas' pod-race in "The Phantom Menace" and paling in comparison ~ and some of the stop-action stuff simply looks dumb.
Daniel Radcliffe is just about perfect as Potter, although his character frequently is left with nothing to do but react to others -- a fatal flaw for a film's hero. The part of his amusing worst-luck wizard pal "Ron" is very well-acted by newcomer Rupert Grint. But Emma Watson's "Hermione" is far too often played as a know-it-all: her overall performance looks a lot like that of a child actor... acting.
And unfortunately, John Williams couldn't resist composing the score and boy is it loud. And unmemorable. Stick to Spielberg & Lucas, Johnny-boy. And speaking of Spielberg, this was supposed to be his film initially; when he dropped out to make the terrible "A.I. - Artificial Intelligence," somehow it fell into Columbus' hands (and wallet). Yep, the clown who most recently brought you "Stepmom," "Bicentennial Man" and "Nine Months" is now the owner of the biggest opening ever. Yikes.
Me: At two hours and thirty-two minutes, this is awfully long for a kiddie fantasy but the first two-thirds of the film work. The ending, while unpredictable, feels lame. See you at McDonald's - I'll be the one with the Happy Meal. FiancÃ©e: Enjoyed one hundred forty-five of the one hundred fifty-two minutes of it (she disliked the troll segment).