It's bland like drinking warm water

Rating: 1/10 (19 February 2006)

Warning: there may be spoilers ahead. Not like it matters, because the whole movie is rotten anyway, and you're better off not seeing it.
I really don't get what kids like so much about this drivel. The main problem is that the characters are not likable. Not that they are dislikeable, they are just flat and bland like altar bread. And they don't change at all from the beginning to the end. Who's to blame - the bad actors, the mediocre director, or the awful writer? Really, I've seen far better character development in "Revenge of the Nerds".
And the story is just dumb. It starts with a good point: a kid with magical powers. Where did I hear that before? Oh, of course: "The Books of Magic". Except for the fact that JK Rowling is no Neil Gaiman... but anyway, here's an example. When Potter's magic powers first appear, he never seems to be too puzzled by them, never gets scared, nor thinks about using them to exact revenge from his cruel family. Hello? Anyone there ever read "X-Men"? If you suddenly get super-human powers, you must be puzzled and tempted!
Talking about cruel families... they can be excellent plot devices. Green Goblin, anyone? But Potter seems to be immune to a decade of humiliation. Sure, he is quite lethargic (or is it bad acting?), but is never aggressive or rancorous. Which makes no sense.
There are lots of other bad scenes, like the ridiculous chess scene. Remember that scene of "Attack of the Clones" that was sometimes mockingly described as 'Star Wars meets Megaman'? This is similar, but even worse. There's no sensible reason for this place to exist, yet it does. Even if the rest of the movie was not a disgrace, that scene alone would have ruined it. Any suspension of disbelief that had survived the previous awfulness of the movie was killed at that exact moment.
Bad acting, bad directing, bad visual effects, bad music, and - above anything else- the bad writing... with all these problems, this movie ends up bland like drinking warm water. It has absolutely no flavor - but it can still make you want to throw up.