Harry Potter's Philosopher's Sorcerer's Drawl

Rating: 3/10 (3 March 2013)

First off, I am going to give my modern day thoughts on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone since I just now watched it for the first time in about 10½ years. And then, I will tell my story. I will begin with the positives to be nice. To be generous.
80% of the special effects and sets worked extremely well with the exception of showing both The Man With No Nose – oops, I'm jumping ahead, I mean: The Man's Name They Only Speak Of Seldomly and ANY flying sequence including that Rubbish, er, I mean Quidditch game. Also, the film was a perfect fantasy for youngVERY YOUNG, that is, kids. Oh, and the score was unbelievably great.
Whew. Got that out of the way. Okay, here goes: the movie was too damn long. The movie contained a minuscule amount of plot – or direction and the bulk was just spliced together scenes of a freshman year at a unique school. Quite frankly, it felt like 1,001 ideas and made up names (for useless characters, random spells, odd or clichéd wizardry creatures and places) were basically thrown at us while hero Wesley Crusher, a.k.a. Harry Potter, attempts to figure out what the whole point to this mess is.
What started off very nicely in a fantasy and magic-filled-world slowly grinded to a halt so they could show off more fantastic sets and a zillion characters and objects in a school bent on kidnapping kids to learn sorcery. Eventually, it takes about an hour and forty-five minutes or roughly fifteen minutes past what this movie should've been clocked at, to learn what our "hero" (??) Harry Potter should accomplish before the credits roll.
By that point, I kept repeating two phrases over and over: "I don't like this movie" (despite the graphics and the wonder it's showing me) and that this is really made for the five and under crowds. Further, when the movie finally did get past the climax of what Harry & Pals (including his poor idiot ginger chap and know-it-all-bitch with terrible hair) need to accomplishthere are FIVE endings. This movie would never, ever, ever, ever end.
Oh, and before the judgments roll in, I *have* read the book. Book one, that is. I found it's all-but exactly, word-for-word as the adaption. And that's not necessarily a good thing. Despite its approximately 300 pages, enormously large print, wide margins and drawings – all of which would make it approximately 3 chapters of any normal Stephen King fare – it's just as plot less as the movie until the end. All the way through both the book and movie, I kept fantasying about other movies/books I could be entertained by that contained a point to the story from beginning to end.
Now, that all said, it's not a terrible movie. It's a good intro to what's to come and again, it's PERFECT for very young kids. Is it a movie I will ever revisit, or as now, re-watch in another 11 years? Hell no. Now, that I can finally write a review, I never have to experience Harry's seemingly never-ending freshman year at Hogwart's school.
And now here's my take on my original screening
A Long Time Agoin our own galaxy, sort of, I watched Harry Potter Part One – since it's known by two different names, for asinine reasons, I will refer this as "Part One" – only due to a babysitting gig I was coaxed into. I had already made up my mind not to see this film, since swords/wizards/fantasy isn't my cup of British TeaBut, since I had seven hours of babysitting two young boys, I thought: why not take up an hour and a half on a movie they'll probably want to see?
That was mistake one and two: forgoing my vow and that I mistakenly thought it would be an hour and a half. Mistake number three was that we went on weekend one or two – I can't recall, or I choose not to – so, the theatres and parking lot were still jammed. We barely made our show time after parking and getting snacks.
Despite being tortured (SEE ABOVE REVIEW) for the movie's duration, I was pleased I had just used up 5 of the 7 babysitting hours with the journey there, movie and back. As for the boysboy, they LOVED the movie. They LITERALLY sat on the edge of their seats the entire time. (No joke.) Good for them. I'm glad the money I spent on their entertainment and their snacks was well worth it.
I, on the other hand, was squirming in my seat the entire time or at least after the first pointless hour. I had NO IDEA that this was over an hour and a half, let alone 2½+ hours – I was so disinterested in seeing this, I had completed no research. NO KID MOVIE SHOULD EVER BE THAT LONG – I originally thought. Not to mention, no kids movie should contain FIVE ENDINGSas stated above: the movie would never, ever end.
Again, I remember the boys, one of which is my (now 15-year-old) nephew, loved every single minute and as uncomfortable as I was, I'm sincerely glad they had a good time. In fact, I need to make a point of asking him if he remembers me taking him. He had to be between 4-5 at the time
A year later, I would be dragged into seeing the remake/sequel with my partner and suffice to sayI could write the same damn review all over again.
(Editor's Note: I decided to listen to the masses for this Harry POTter phenomena and revisit the series. I've only seen the first two, both once and in first run theatres. Since it's been around a decade since the initial releases, I've started over with #1 and will get to what everyone calls: the better years.)