Utter Mince!

Rating: 1/10 (6 December 2001)

So, £85 million well spent? I guess since they've already made more than double that back, then from a financial point of view - Yes! But as a film....
Frankly I would rather remove one of my own limbs with a blunt hacksaw, then eat it raw before I watched this again. 2.5 hours of some of the most boring drivel, bad acting, weak special effects and irritating children you could hope to come across. The sooner these "Child Stars" descend into a drug and sodomy filled adolescence the better for all concerned.
Yes I have read the books, and yes, I enjoyed them, but this is still one of the dullest films I've ever encountered. Sticking to the original story is one thing, but when the audience are left praying for the last 5 chapters to be cut, something's gone wrong.
Back to my original point - where did the £85 million go? The Quidditch match was about on a par with King Kong for realism, and using Fungus the Bogeyman for the Troll was a masterpiece of imagination-free modelling. Perhaps all the money went on getting the magic tricks to look right? Or maybe not. How much effort does it take to have some brat wave his wand, the camera cuts away, comedy explosion sound effect, then camera cuts back to child with spiky hair and blackened face? Pure genius! They really have pushed back the boundaries of comedy here.
All in all I feel cheated out of 2.5 hours of my life, and I strongly recommend that you don't fall into the same trap. If you have 2.5 hours that you really want rid of, then I'd suggest spending it slowly rubbing sandpaper over your eyeballs - it's cheaper, and more pleasant on the senses.