Harry Potter and the Spanish Inquisition

Rating: 8/10 (28 May 2005)

WARNING: THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS! I could type a very short commentary about the fact that over Summer Break, the Spanish have conquered England, Hogwarts has been used as a bomb-testing site (don't worry, they rebuilt it, and it has a clock tower, too), and my uneasiness about having a breath mint passed off as a soul. But I won't. I am going to type a very long commentary about one of the WORST book-to-movie adaptations of all time. Please note that the 5 is only given from a MOVIE standpoint; to be fair to all those fools who have not read the books, I will not give it the 2 I so dearly desire. Check the threads later for a complete review of my rants, but here are a few.
One: If they were not sure about what souls look like, DON'T HAVE THEM SHOW IT! The book doesn't have it--the dementors are pretty lame in the movie in that scene.
Two: WHERE ARE THE ROBES!? They are wizards, they wear robes, not...not...MUGGLE GARMENTS! I think Alfonso or someone just wanted Hermione to show off more. You'll notice that she is center on some of the posters, and very prominent.
Three: Er, where's the backstory? Ron doesn't seem too angry at Hermione for having her cat eat his pet. In the book, they argue. Not here. Now,they all just are a happy bunch, and getting very mushy, too.
Four: WHAT HAPPENED TO HOGWARTS!? It is not the same castle--and why is there a pendulum? Poor Neville is going to get clobbered by that thing!
Five: Speaking of Neville, where is he? And Goyle? And everyone else? Wood? Nope. Cedric? I think he gets roasted by a lightning bolt. Malfoy? Where is that evil-looking, arrogant, cold, smooth villain, anyway? He seems to be missing. There's only an ugly meanie who looks similar.
Six: Does it disturb anyone that there are shrunken heads everywhere? Consider: where do they get these heads? Think of that.
Seven: How did Sirius escape? They kind of forget to say that. Plot hole, right there. Also on plot holes, the thestrals are invisible, despite the fact that Harry saw Quirrel die in #1. (This is not a mistake in the books). And might I inquire WHY there are so many weirdos who sing with TOADS? Also, Harry is a nobody, it seems--he has never won a Quidditch cup...but another key plot hole: wouldn't it be proof that Peter was alive if they found his CLOTHES on the GROUND!?
Eight: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S THE KILLER BIPEDAL GREYHOUND!
Nine: Does a pathetic howl really sound like a werewolf, or is that just because it was the killer bipedal greyhound?
Ten: The school is not safe. Our dear headmaster Dumbledore thinks hitting Ron on the leg is amusing! And he saves Harry when he falls, but lets the Hufflepuff seeker get blasted out of the sky!
Eleven: In the book, Harry never sees a Grim. He only sees Sirius. What is that cloud formation?
Twelve: The final shot is kind of freaky.
Actually, though, there were one or two good parts. Buckbeak looked awesome, and some of the magic usage was cool (no longer flashy, but actually magical). And Lupin and Sirius were great, though Sirius did seem a little happy for being in a soul-sucking prison for twelve years. And John Williams is good once more.
But seriously, this movie was the biggest letdown I have had. Check the post "100 Complaints about the Movie," coming soon, for a list of book-related comments. Most of the above concerned the movie. Thank you for your patience, and watch the fourth one...AND READ THE BOOKS! TEN TIMES BETTER THAN THE FIRST TWO MOVIES, TWENTY TIMES THE THIRD!