Mrs Rowling, would you mind directing?

Rating: 3/10 (5 April 2008)

If JK Rowling were directing these movies, we'd wind up with a five-hour movie but PEOPLE WOULD SIT THERE AND WATCH IT. Why? BECAUSE IT'S HARRY POTTER. Stick in an intermission, make it really long, it's HP, people will stay and watch it!!!
The SFX & CG were really good (always have been), Alan Rickman & various other actors did an awesome job (only reason for the 3 stars), but WHAT THE HELL happened to the kind, old, intelligent, powerful, slightly crazy Dumbledore?!?! Why does he start yelling & choking Harry & using him as BAIT?!?!
Also, do dragons have memory loss??? The damn thing forgets to fly and starts CLIMBING THE BUILDING!!! What was up with that chase scene?!?! Couldn't they have kept it even REMOTELY like the book?!?!
Why stick Crouch jr in there at the beginning?!?! Why get rid of Dobby??? He's like my favorite character!!! And the other house-elf...uhh...what's her name..Winky? Why write them out? And S.P.E.W....and the kitchens??? And Hogsmeade and Sirius? Was that EVEN Sirius in the fireplace scene? I couldn't tell. WHY?!?! AAAGH!!!
The graveyard scene...words can't describe how bad that was. Priori Incantatem...for want of a better word...SUCKED. That wasn't how I imagined it. Where was the terror of the Death Eaters?!?! Voldemort's anger?!?! HALF OF THE DAMN DEATH EATERS WERE GONE!!!
WHAT...THE HELL...WAS UP...WITH...THE MAZE?!?! Holy crap! The hedges had a mind of their own and cannibalistic roots!!! What about the traps, the sphinx, the Acromantulas?!?! WE'VE SEEN THE ACROMANTULAS, THEY WERE AWESOME, WE KNOW THEY EXIST (thank you, Chris Columbus), THE BOOK GOES INTO GREAT DETAIL ABOUT AN ATTACK BY ONE OF THEM, *SO WHY NOT PUT THEM IN*?!?!
Also, as in all my HP reviews, praise of John Williams' fantastic score. BUT WAIT!!! HE DIDN'T DO THIS ONE!!! I miss him already. Can you imagine what kind of creepy, haunting tone he would have come up with for the lake scene??? THe spooky stuff he could have made for the maze??? The eerie graveyard theme??? He could have written some incredible Piori Incantatem music!
John Williams, COME BAAAAAAACK!!!
Seriously, JK Rowling, would you mind directing these movies?
PS: Sorry about all the yelling in caps. When I feel angry about one of my favorite books turning to trash, I tend to use caps.