Harry Potter and the Trashy Hollows

Rating: 4/10 (13 May 2012)

Leaving behind the traditional concept of actually using a script for a movie and bolstered with more visual effects specialists than actors, Harry faces a pile of incoherent crap in his last adventure. Below a sequence of key moments to guide you through.
Act 1, Scene 1. The snake from Anaconda I and II crawls over a table and leaps on a teacher whom Volemort just finished brutally murdering. Snake: Shllshhhh.
Act 2, Scene 1. Ginny Weasley entering the kitchen with her dress unzipped down to her butt. To Harry: Can you helps me?
Act 2, Scene 2. After the third action-packed attack by evil forces within 5 minutes Harry's fellowship randomly teleports to a New York sidewalk, striding around with the camera on permanent close-up on Hermine's boobies. Ron: Lets go hides in taco bells? Harry: OK.
Act 5, Scene 2. Harry, Ron and Hermine tugging through snow, an expression of absolute boredom set on their faces. Harry: What do we do now, use the transfusion potion again? Hermine: I don't know.. didn't we do that 4 times already?
Act 6, Scene 1. Spooky ghost of random non-introduced old man appears in a cloud of dust and goes Roarr. Harry: What was that all about?
Act 6, Scene 2. Harry follows old suspicious woman into suspicious hut, upstairs into even more suspicious attic. Old woman transforms into Anaconda and wants to eat everything. Harry beats the living crap out of her with old chair. Hermine grasps his hand, they teleport to random snowy forest. Hermine: It's beautiful. I used to come here with my parents. Harry: Really? Cool.
Act 8, Scene 2. The party spends a dozen nights in all sorts of locations where they try to remember a part of the plot while listening to a tedious radio program. (This can be either seen as levels in a following computer game or Boyscout advertisement.) At one point Ron gets furiously angry and leaves Harry for reasons unfathomed. Ron: Im sick and tired of this tent! I goes now.
Act 10, Scene 2. Voldemor retrieves the staff of elders, which was inventively hidden in Dumbledors hands in his grave. Volemort: Yippie! (concluding the first part of the film by aimlessly firing into gloomy sky above.)