I wanted to like it, but it was tediously boring

Rating: Null/10 (24 August 2011)

In an attempt recreate the feeling of watching Deathly Hallows: Part 1, I'm going to review it in a dreadfully long, boring, tedious, complaining sort of way.
I have not read the sacred text. Having seen every movie thus far, this is how I see it going: We've got Harry Potter, the chosen one who has the power to defeat Volder.. Voltra the bad guy, who slowly regenerates and becomes fully evil and powerful. Just like Sauron. So Frodo has to find the sacred Horcruxi that bind Sauron to the tower in Mordor and destroy it with the Sword of Gryffindor. All the while Samwise's relationship with Hermione causes tension when Fro-er Harry appears in a vision all naked and foggy snogging her beside a Goblet of Fire. Give me a break here. It's been 10 years since the first film and I'm not doing a 7 film refresher to watch yet another Harry Potter movie. Having not read the books, I did expect some kind of, you know, climax. A big battle, fire, dragons, all the magic stops pulled out!! INDUSTRIAL LIGHT AND MAGIC, DO YOUR WORST! Except they didn't do the effects on this film
I did a breakdown on number of pages, number of movie minutes, total budget, and total gross box office take - yes, I correlated a bunch of unrelated types of data. What I noticed was budget is about the same, box office is about the same, but a sharp jump in page numbers is where the film series lost me – right about at Goblet of Fire. Confusing, spotty, lots of "oh you should have read the book" responses to my questions. At least Dune came with a pocket guide of terminology. It's been downhill from here, but in my naive hopefulness, I was expecting something better. Darkest film ever, I was told. Exciting conclusion so bedwettingly incredible, we had to release it in two parts, they said.
Not so! Dark because I was asleep. Bedwettingly dull, if you ask me. I think one of my biggest problems with the films ("should have read the book!") was a distinct lack of a cohesive timeline. See, there are things called "script days" you have to account for when you're in preproduction to decide costuming, locations, weather, time of year, etc. The "hiding out" portion of the film supposedly happened over a period of weeks or months (according to THE BOOK). When your characters are wearing the same costumes day in and day out (what, they can conjure up a tent, but not some new clothes?), you don't have a clue how long they've been in the woods and which locations are miles away or right next door or reachable by magic only. Quoi? I felt dragged through haphazard storyline that had dozens of locations, but still meandered on for hours on end. I would have preferred to get it over with in one 6 hour sitting. I did it for the Dune TV series – twice. I can take it.
You've got to make some cuts when it comes to filming. Film makers are not servicing anybody when they create an overdrawn, boring movie. The book readers will always always ALWAYS hate the movie version anyway so why pander to them? Make it fun to watch. Lord of the Rings made some tough choices, but I think we can all agree Tom Bombadil wasn't missed in the least. Result: long, but great movies and 15 Oscars.
Oh, the Oscars! Let's make a wild prediction about that, shall we? Nine nominations, no wins. At least Lord of the Rings got 4 of 13 on the 1st one and 11 of 11 on the 3rd. Is the Academy saving up? Is Part 2 really going to be so good that they can create the illusion that they're rewarding just that movie and not the entire series? I've heard complaints about being misled by Portman's dancing abilities and how it swayed voting for Black Swan, but there are no qualms with rewarding a sub-par movie for the accomplishments of movies past? Mark my words, one reader that actually made it this far in my review, there will be Oscars a-plenty for everybody. This is not the year to release your shining gem, because you've got a spoon's chance in the fork drawer of winning.
I wanted to like Part 1, I really did! Enough time passes that I feel excited again and forget I couldn't stand the last installment. They've only given me 7 month to recover and I can't say I'm too excited any more. Let's get it over with, like this review.