stick to the book

Rating: 5/10 (24 March 2011)

Here's what's wrong: a novel sells billions of copies, and then the director thinks people want to see their interpretation (which means they sacrifice important plot points for their own tepid inventions). How do you exist with a head so big? Anyway, here's the plot, Harry Potter doesn't realize it, but Darth Voldemort is his father. And! If Harry can only take the apparently alternate-lifestyle Sam with him to the top of the volcanic mountain and throw in the ring, then the annoying emo chick with the pale face and the vampire fetish will die, which will bring about peace in The Middle East and erase all memories of the Telletubies. But, before they do that they must spend 2/3rds of the movie camping in England, living off of stolen canned boiled food (which is a major contributing factor in the grave dental challenges to the people of that island). In part 2, Ron will hopefully get laid.