A triumph of marketing over filmmaking!

Rating: 3/10 (9 June 2003)

It never ceases to amaze me how Hollywood can spend millions of dollars to make a beautiful, sweeping piece of film and have it still turn out to be garbage. The first Harry Potter film, while not award-winning cinema, was at least somewhat amusing. The second installment, however, was simply a mess.
First, the good points: the character Ron was consistently fun to watch, particularly in the spider's lair. The actress that plays Hermione is adorable (though her character is an annoying know-it-all), and may grow up to be a good actress if she can avoid being stereotyped. The sets were charming and often interesting.
Now, the bad: it's rare that one gets the opportunity to watch computer-generated characters overact, and rarer still that CG over-actors can outdo Kenneth Branagh, but here that's exactly what happens. There's an episode of "Third Rock From The Sun" where Dick Solomon plays a grotesquely over-acting ham in a high-school performance of 'Romeo and Juliet'; the scenes with CG characters, particularly the death of the basilisk, reminded me of nothing so much as that.
Speaking of Kenneth Branagh: are things truly so bad for him that he has to take scripts like this and 'Wild Wild West'? A brilliant Shakespearean actor, his talents are utterly wasted on this tripe. The same goes for Richard Harris and the other excellent adult actors in this film. The child actors can perhaps be excused for any ill-made script choices in their careers; actors who are something of elder statesmen can be expected to make wiser decisions.
The plot, such as it is, is simply a mess. Harry lives with his uncle and aunt, who are grossly abusive (and who would be imprisoned for child abuse in the real world); yet Harry, who for reasons not entirely clear is apparently the second coming of the wizardly Christ, not only tolerates their ridiculous behavior, but accepts it as if he has no backbone whatsoever. Things get no better once he goes to Hogswarts, the land where magic infuses everything with no rhyme or reason and incantations are used when it would be easier to do something by hand.
And there lies my major complaint with the Harry Potter franchise: there is no logic behind the magic in the story. Pictures of people are alive; stairways reconfigure themselves at will; ghosts are people who just happen to be dead yet act (and are treated) as if they were still alive...there is a huge amount of random magic, but no explanation as to why things should be like this. Are the wizards inherently magical, and simply in need to training to control their powers, or is magic something anyone can learn? If the former, then how to characters like Hermione (whose parents are both "muggles"; that is, normal people) able to perform magic? The muggles generally seem to be aware of the existence of the wizards and the school; yet at one point Harry and Ron get in trouble for allowing seven muggles t o see their flying car (which, in two other unexplained moments, shows a surprising amount of intelligence, acting as a deus ex machina for no apparent reason beyond plot contrivance). Also, Harry is something of a celebrity: everyone knows him and is pleased to meet him. Yet his skills and personality are such that anyone in their right mind would be less than impressed once they'd gotten past the glamour of his reputation. Of course, when the adults in the film are ready to throw in the towel because they can't figure out the simplest of problems (thus leaving it to the know-it-all Hermione, the charming yet useless Ron, and the fumbling, worthless, personality-free Harry) one is perhaps not surprised.
Two final notes: Draco Malfoy and his father Lucius (the bad guys--we know they're evil because their hair is greased back; thank you Quentin Tarantino for that enduring signal) are utterly one-dimensional; evil merely because the script says they are...not because of any actions or behavior on their parts. If there were a reason for the snotty scowl constantly on Draco's face, it might be tolerable; as it is, combined with his ignorant, selfish behavior, any reasonable school administration would spend a great deal of time either counseling or punishing him. And the grossly cutesy names and words are kind of fun at first: 'muggles' for normal people; 'Dumbledore', 'Slytherin', etc; but after a short while, they become contrived, ridiculous, and annoying...particularly when the main character's names are "Harry", "Ron", and "Hermione".
And would somebody PLEASE tell the actor playing Harry that a smile is more than just showing your teeth?! Sheesh.
3 stars out of ten, mostly for the scenery. This movie is to the elementary school crowd what Pokemon is to the kindergarten crowd: a way for adults to avoid spending quality time with their kids.