What the...?

Rating: 5/10 (30 November 2002)

For the love of God, people hated poor Jar-Jar and are actually coming out saying that they liked Dobby? Not only he looked like an Auschwitz survivor (albeit a short one), but he was the most irritating, self-abusive, ultra-annoying piece of CGI I've ever seen.
As for the movie, it was pretty much a dud. Take all the bad things form the (mediocre) first one, magnify them and you have this cold, calculated money trap. Why do we have to spend more than half an hour to see everything that we've already seen in the first movie? Such as Harry's eeeeevil uncle and aunt, the bloody train station and that wizards' hidden alley? Or another, meaningless, go at the boring and illogical quidditch game? Which serves nothing to the plot, may I add. This is the film's greatest problem. It consists of dozens of little vignettes that add absolutely nothing to the story. They're only in, because: a) they're in the book and b)give an opportunity for another effects shot. Thus, the pacing is terrible. Somewhere in here there's a good film, but to get out it would need a brave team of screenwriter, director and editor that would deliver a tight 90 minute film. As it is, it's terribly boring and at the same time rushed, something which I thought was physically impossible. Oh, did I mention that the characters are cardboard cut-outs? Or that the music is recycled from the first film and padded with differently orchestrated pieces from Attack of the Clones? And what's the big deal with Harry? He spent the complete first movie and 2/3 of this one doing absolutely nothing, it's always Hermione saving the day and doing all the spells and tricks. Some weird self-pitying sexism from mrs. Rowling perhaps? And is there some conspiracy by the teachers to kill Potter? In the first film they send him to the deadly forbidden forest for detention (!), in this one, they send him back and into the lair of a giant spider. Do they warn him? Nooo sir!

On a final note, there's no question about it, Voldemort is Harry's father, no matter what Potter-heads might say to you. He might not be mr. Potter, but his father he is. Can you say Star Wars rip-off?
I haven't read the books, but, judging from the films I can't get what's so special about them. Especially for adults. Next one, I'm watching it on video.