I guess you really can't compare a book to a film...

Rating: Null/10 (26 July 2003)

Let me say this first-- I write SS/HP slash. I debate Blaise Zabini's gender (I support boy!Blaise, btw.) I scowl angrily at Sirius Black but still get a little choked up when...well, you know. Or maybe you don't. I'm an elitist, I guess, but I don't believe HP films should be made for anyone who DOESN'T know what makes someone see a thestral. I'm a purist. (Take that, Mudblood reviewers!)
That said--CoS was painful for me to watch. Granted, it's also the weakest book in the series, so I wasn't expecting brilliance...but dear lord, I was about to gouge my eyes out by the time we got to ickle Ronniekins and the spiders. The Quidditch, the spiders, and GollumLite...oh, excuse me, DOBBY...all of it was substituted for, oh, you know, plot and character development.
The film was just too long. Now, as a purist, I would watch 12 hours of film if it remained TRUE to the SPIRIT of the canon...but the movie just can't do that, and instead drags on...and instead of putting in scenes from say, Potions class, we throw in an ENTIRELY made up shout-out to frickin' Hagrid, of all people. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for maudlin, pointless sap!
The acting, as before, was good. That's not the problem. Alan Rickman IS Severus Snape...or at least a distant cousin. He's so fabulously camp, and pathetically underused. His only good scene was the sexually charged duel with Gilderoy Lockhart, portrayed by the typically flamboyant Kenneth Branagh. Jason Isaacs was deliciously, patricianly evil as Lucius Malfoy...even though his fistfight with Arthur Weasly, one of the book's highlights, was oddly missing. The kids were decent-- Tom Felton as Draco sneers just as well as his fictional Head of House, and Emma Watson makes a passable, but too PRETTY Hermione. Ginny Weasley was blink-and-you'll-miss-her, odd, considering the pivotal natue of her role. Rupert Grint...eh. He's likable enough. Richard Harris as Albus Dumbledore? I find his portrayal to be a little lifeless-- and I swear, there is no pun intended. I have all the respect in the world for the man, but he just lacks a certain...je ne sais quoi for Dumbledore.
All in all, I'm grateful that Chris Columbus is NOT helming the next adaptation of this series. After what he did to a mediocre book like "Chamber of Secrets," I couldn't bear to see him butcher an intricate, layered story like "Prisoner of Azkaban."