The worst heist movie ever

Rating: 3/10 (24 October 2014)

Farah Khan, known for choreographing many actors, in n-number of films, for the kind of weight she carries, and also had choreographed the International Popstar Shakira, had tried her hand in direction, through her first film, 'Main Hoon Na' (translation:- I am here, friend). Since then she didn't look back, and went on directing films like, 'Om Shanti Om' (translation:- Solemn affirmation, peace and solemn affirmation) and 'Tees Maar Khan' (translation:- Heroic character). Except for 'Tees Maar Khan', every film, of hers, managed to do well at the box- office, though they did not manage to please the discerning movie-goers, like me. But anyway, after a gap of like 3-4 years, Farah Khan is back with yet another offering, called 'Happy New Year' (translation:- Happy New Year, 'duh').
Charlie(Shah Rukh Khan, generated the 10(or 8 or whatever the number may be, I don't care)-pack-abs, with the help of steroids) is a Boston University Grad, who makes his living by wrestling. Moreover he can speak Korean with fluency (I wonder are there such wrestlers in India, forget about the world). Anyway, when he gets to know about his arch-rival, Charan Grover(Jackie Shroff, with his oh-so- menacing looks and the salt-n-pepper hairdo) being the guardian of the diamonds, for he has a slick safe and the best security arrangement for the safe, Charlie assembles a team, and its members are Nandu Bhide(Abhishek Bachchan, in such an awfully thankless role) the loud-mouthed-cum-barfing tapori, Jag(Sonu Sood, clearly his character is inspired from 'The Italian Job' (translation:- The Italian Job, again 'duh')), the explosives expert, who currently works in movies, Tammy(Boman Irani, stereotyping Parsis yet again) a young-stud-at- heart old man, who is suffering from F.I.T.Z., Rohan(Vivaan Shah, is he really the son of Naseeruddin Shah, 'cause he doesn't look like him, in any angle) a loser small-time-hacker, and Mohini(Deepika Padukone, a poor lass, wasted in this film, though she dances well) a beautiful boneless dancer who has a fetish for English-speaking gentlemen. Together, they start a mission, called, tan-ta-dan, Mission:Happy New Year. Does Charlie have a plan? What do these six people have in common? What did Charan Grover do to Charlie? All these questions will be answered as the reels of 'Happy New Year' unfold!
First thing's first, the movie, produced by Shah Rukh's banner 'Red Chillies Entertainment' and distributed by 'Yash Raj Films', is just an awful heist movie, ever conceived. Though I have seen many bad heist movies, but they at least had some cheap thrills, and engaging heist-tricks as the redeeming factors. But in this movie, we can't find any thrill in this hackneyed-cum-illogical heist movie. The screenplay (Farah Khan, Althea Kaushal), as well as the final print, consists of logical loopholes, like:- 1) Since Charlie, the team-leader, has named his mission as Mission:Happy New Year, he should be sure that the heist would be committed at the night of 31st December. But no, they all turn out to be naive, including the captain, and try to commit it on a wrong date. This is just wrong as thieves ought to have complete information. 2) Which army-man in the world got a chance to work in the movies as the explosives supervisor, even when he is deaf by one ear. Sonu Sood, I'm talking about you 3) Boman Irani's character's handbag carries a supermarket. How does that happen? I've seen many over-the-top movies, but this is just appallingly awful. And so on. Moreover the screenwriters are inspired from movies like 'Ocean's 11 (translation:- Ocean's 11, 'duh' again), 'The Italian Job', 'Tower Heist' (translation:- Tower Heist, 'duh' for the last time), and so on.
The dialogues (Mayur Puri)range from clunky, to jingoistic, to over- sentimental, to cocky-funny, and to even lame, 'cause some dialogues, intended to be funny, are quite lame and cocky-funny. Some dialogues are heavily inspired from movies like 'Dilwale Dulhania Le Jaayenge' (translation:- The big-hearted man will take the bride away), 'Chak De! India' (translation:- Rock On! India) and so on, intended as a parody, but fall flat.
Music, by Vishal-Shekhar, has never been so jarring, and deafness- inducing, except for 'Manwaa Laage'. Background score (John Stewart Eduri)is equally jarring. Cinematography (Manush Nandan) is exotic, though has a travelogue quality to it. I believe the editors (Tushar Parekh, Anand Subaya)must've slept while editing this awful movie. Visual effects (Red Chillies VFX) is quite good. I'm happy that Indian movies are improving considerably in visual effects. Stunts (Dave Judge)were quite good, if not the best. Choreography (Geeta Kapoor, Farah Khan)were quite apt, for this movie is a musical-heist movie.
Of the cast, almost everybody acted bad, or were wasted, except Deepika (to an extent), and Jackie Shroff. Abhishek Bachchan has a dual role, any of which, sadly, don't work. Anupam Kher, Prabhu Deva, Kiku, Malaika Arora Khan, Geeta Kapoor, Anurag Kashyap (was that you, Anurag, my favorite director?) and Vishal Dadlani (wasted after 'Tees Maar Khan') are wasted badly. Dino Morea and Sarah-Jane Dias make brief appearances, which is quite forgettable. The actor as the street fighter, in the film's opening scene, did well. On the whole, do not recommend 'Happy New Year' even to your worst enemy. He'll come out barfing, like Abhishek Bachchan, without the help of alcohol. I gave three stars out of ten, because:- 1) One Star for Deepika's dancing skills and Jackie Shroff's acting 2) Half Star for Visual Effects 3) Half Star for Cinematography 4) Half Star for Stunts 5) Half Star for Choreography. That's it!