Glad I didn't pay for this one

Rating: 6/10 (13 April 2014)

Hanzel and Gretal: Witch Hunters was alright. It's not a staggering work of genius, but it's not the worst movie I've seen. It's about the brother and sister whose father abandons them in a forest and they end up going to a house made out of candy where a witch tries to eat them, but they get the best of witch, you know the story... OR DO YOU? Eventually they grow up and become professional witch hunters and who get hired by villages to hunt down witches with maximum prejudice. This sounds kinda awesome, but it's not, mainly because it's predictable. The main lessons I got from this movie: Pretty people aren't evil, in one of the opening scene Hanzel and Gretal arrive at a village to find that the villagers are going to burn a supposed witch. Hanzel proceeds to declare that witches have physical deformities (not the exact words) and that this one is totally fine, so he and Gretal make the sheriff of the village let her go. Torture is okay, well maybe, at one point they have a witch in custody and in order to get info out of her they proceed to punch her in the face. Violence is okay, but not affection, of course Hanzel ends up sleeping with the first witch, but even though they don't show any uh... tenderness there's no problem with showing people's heads getting crushed like grapes, which to be be fair was kinda cool. I didn't like the super fake blood, but I bet that's part of the 3Dness. There's a lot of elements that are obviously meant to be seen in 3D, which is lame because it makes the movie look cheesier than it actually is, plus it also reinforces that 3D is still just a gimmick. Good troll though. One of the things I liked the best about this movie is the details to stuff, there's cool weapons and the witches look bad ass and there's lots of variety in them. Also, witch Kung Fu. Witch Fu. I would watch that. Hanzel and Gretal: Witch Hunters is good fodder for watching with someone who appreciate cheesy movies, rest assured that this review would've been much worse if I had actually paid to see this movie.