Too Too Much

Rating: 4/10 (28 January 2013)

Hansel and Gretel, those two fairy tale children forced to fatten themselves up for dinner, are now older with a lucrative occupation described in the title – although there's a lot more killing than hunting going on.
Beginning with a quick reintroduction to the sibling's famous back story against the candy house witch (more hyperactive than menacing), we cut to an opening credit montage of newspaper clippings with our heroes in action, fighting witches throughout the dark forest countryside.
The initial villains – before Famke Janssen's sinister Muriel takes over – are the hillbilly townspeople ala religious fanatics that burn maidens without a proper trial, introducing the love interest: a blond-haired lass quickly warming up to Jeremy Renner's tough-as-nails Hansel. This also intentionally (and way too obviously) separates our heroes from those infamous knee-jerk scoundrels who gave witch hunting a bad name.
Loaded with machine guns and other modern weaponry, the Hansel and Gretel duo take down broom-riding aggressors in scenes so fast-paced and close-up, you might have to close your eyes to await each dizzying conclusion. Noisy and boisterous, the witches are hardly distinguished from each other, making all the fights seem repetitive and ultimately tiresome.
Renner does a decent job as Hansel, spouting tough guy one-liners ("I say burn them all") and never showing his emotions; while sister Gretel, played by Gemma Arterton... along with a young boy who attempts writing their story... seem too modern for the ancient setting, using words like "Awesome."
In the vein of FROM DUSK TILL DAWN which inspired VAN HELSING and all the UNDERWORLD flicks, HANSEL AND GRETEL wields too much action to be as mysterious or, for that matter, engaging as the timeless story that it's based.
But if you're up for a lotta witch whoopin' – especially the climax where a makeshift Gatling gun massacres an entire bloody lot of 'em – this mindless roller coaster is just for you.