Just Terrible

Rating: 3/10 (27 March 2014)

Red Riding Hood was probably one of the worst films ever...and, it was so bad that it was actually fun to make fun of it simply because it was trying to be serious and didn't realize how ridiculous it was. Where this film was just predictable and dumb, attempting to be clever and funny but failing at both, and so utterly unbelievable it became a pointless effort of this film even existing. You truly begin to wonder "Who actually gave this writer/director money to make this rotten diaper heap?" It's a completely modern story with the "look" of a fairy tale world...and that's it. There is absolutely nothing else to ground it in the fairy tale world other than the costumes, scenery, and the title. Marrying the two worlds is not only ridiculous, off-putting, but a total disaster. Hansel and Gretel might as well be walking around today's streets of New York hunting witches because they talk and act modern, they use weapons that weren't even around for over 100 years later, and Gretel's father...excuse me, I mean brother, is the same age when they're children but when they grow up he's easily 15-20 years older than her. Seriously, you have a man in his 40s running around pretending he's some 25-yr-old guy. Literally, this film will stoop to any level of complete ridiculous and disbelief. And if the director put so little thought or care into creating this world, why should we care? I never thought this movie would be good because even the trailer looked terrible and ridiculous, but since it was free on Netflix I thought I would give it the benefit of the doubt that it might actually be some fun action movie. Wrong. The movie is just as terrible as the trailer except for the fact that it drags out these pointless, predictable scenes that make it even worse than the trailer. This is literally one of those terrible, late night films you see on Sy-Fy channel that somehow managed to get a $50,000,000 budget instead of $3,000,000. You really have to wonder who the director had to sleep with to get Jeremy Renner and a major release for this crap. Red Riding Hood was actually better because at least we had a good time making fun of that movie where I couldn't even sit through more than 20 minutes of this, and even that was pushing it. I wanted to turn it off after 10 minutes, but I again, gave it the benefit of the doubt it didn't deserve.
Anyone who gave this a 9 or 10 star is making money off of this film in some way (or trying to), 'cause this isn't even good brainless fun, it's just so poorly written there is literally nothing to it other than Jeremy Renner and his "sister" attempting to be funny and tough on occasions. And their whole story is their parents put them in the woods one night, left them, and then they stumbled upon the witch, and they never found their parents again? Why? Were they a sacrifice to the witch and the parents left? Obviously, the writer/director didn't know either and just needed to find a way to dump them in the woods and make them orphans. Also, were there actually newspapers back then? I'm pretty sure printing was very limited back then and only for the wealthy. Not to mention, I don't think many people from that time period were even literate. I'm pretty sure if you check the writer/director's IQ it's dangling around 95, 'cause even if he wrote this crap in 3 nights you would think he could still come up with some better explanations for what he did in this script.
This film is literally as bad as that crap heap Dungeons and Dragons by Courtney Solomon, who is another director you seriously had to wonder what producer was dumb enough to give him a budget. If you want to watch dumb fun, just watch Evil Dead again or find something better. This film is a complete waste of anyone's time.