Jeremy Renner & Gemma Arterton in leather! Now that I've got your attention...

Rating: 8/10 (7 February 2013)

Don't listen to the critics. Do they know how to have fun? Unlikely. And that's exactly who this film is for - those who wanna have fun (and not just girls either). I haven't seen Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (which seems to keep getting mentioned in the same breath as this movie), but instead of Honest Abe in his funny hat killing vampires, this film has Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton playing kick-arse siblings Hansel & Gretel, who dispatch witches and look good doing it. For that reason alone, it has the edge. I quite enjoyed it, to be honest. There were plenty of funny moments/lines, as well as a good bit of violence.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters may sound silly to some, but like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you have to be a certain type of person to appreciate the irony in the film's title. I for one appreciated seeing the untold story of what happened after the young Hansel & Gretel's encounter with the witch and gingerbread house. It actually makes *sense* that they grew up to be bad-arse witch hunters. Afterall, who can blame them for holding a grudge against those of the broomstick-flying kind after what they were put through as kids? It certainly left a lasting impression on them. Hansel's a diabetic (a result of being force-fed candy by the witch as a child) and Gretel's having bizarre dreams about her mother. Not to mention both think they had the worst parents EVER, after their father dumped them in the middle of a creepy woodsy woods. Of course, there's more to the story than is first let on.
Gemma Arterton is really good in the role of Gretel. And it can't be said enough: she looks damn fine in leather. She probably gets the best one-liners of the film, including but not limited to her opening line and then the bit at the very end, where they're off somewhere killing a witch, and after they've shot her, we get the witch's POV looking up at Gemma, who says something about fearing it won't be an open casket and then it cuts to the end credits. Loved her last line in the movie. Some might complain about Gretel getting kidnapped towards the end, and her brother having to rescue her...except she's proved all movie that she can more than handle herself. Whether it be getting splattered by an exploding guy or taking a beating from several guys and then giving as good as she gets. Gemma plays Gretel as awesome, but vulnerable. Best of all? She gets to deliver the final blow to grand witch Muriel. I liked the sibling banter/dynamic. They clearly care about each other first and foremost, and it shows. The actors have an easy-going chemistry and bounce off one another perfectly. They were quite believable as brother and sister.
Speaking of Jeremy Renner, he was pretty good too. Although he's somewhat of a 'witchophobe', he and his sister save suspected witch, Mina (Pihla Viitala) and a bit of a thing begins between the two. She's mysterious, and what we see of their burgeoning relationship is quite good. It doesn't end up where you might think, though. Gretel also has a 'love interest' of sorts (though not in the traditional sense) in the form of Edward the troll (Hansel's line, after hearing his name for the first time, is amusing). The look of the troll is interesting, much more human-like than the average troll. He has a soft side to him and saves Gretel. What sets him apart from other creatures is his animatronic head. Also helping Hansel & Gretel out is Ben (Thomas Mann). While he starts off as merely their fanboy, and tries to cop a feel with Gretel, by the end he proves his worth and they learn to appreciate him/his assistance.
There's a fair bit of CGI, but make-up plays a vital part in the film. Former Bond bad-girl & Jean Grey from the X-Men movies, Famke Janssen, playing head witch, Muriel, is an example of this. She and her fellow witches come in all different shapes and sizes, but one thing they have in common? They're all FUGLY. Except, of course, when Famke's looking like her normal self - then she is anything but. She isn't afraid to camp it up, and if you can forgive her wandering accent, then she makes for quite a good villain. Peter Stormare, on the other hand, goes over-the-top...and not in a good way (much like his role in that other fairytale-based film, The Brothers Grimm). Everybody else seems almost dead serious in comparison to his horrible character, who gets what he deserves.
Cussing in the movie is used sparingly, and is the better for it. When it happens, it's unexpected, and therefore more effective. Another plus? The movie's only about an hour and a half, so it won't give you a headache. In this day and age of overlong movies that are unnecessarily drawn-out, this film was a breath of fresh air. It felt like it was an appropriate length and didn't overstay its welcome. I also liked the opening credits, with the paper cut-outs/newspapers/old style drawings explaining the Hansel & Gretel story after they'd escaped from the witch's house.
By the end, brother and sister have learned that not all witches are 'bad' (so Glinda from The Wizard of Oz is safe. The Wicked Witch of the West? Not so much). If only Hansel & Gretel had been around in modern times, they could've turned their attention towards the Charmed sisters and spared us that affront to good television. Speaking of, since this movie sadly probably won't get a sequel (though it definitely deserves one), they should at least do a TV show spin-off (though they'd be hard-pressed to beat Renner and Arterton in the roles). It might not win any awards, but it's destined to become a cult hit.