Yep. Will Ferrell's Stink Was Smeared All Over This One

Rating: 3/10 (22 April 2014)

Psst!... Hey! Just between you & me, I think that there was definitely something very, Very, VERY (!!!!) "queer" about the Hansel & Gretel (or, should I say, Ken? & Barbie?) characters in this badly-conceived Will Ferrell production.
Yeah. I'd say that the potentially incestuous overtones that clearly hung over these 2 bad-ass, witch-hunting superheroes (who had absolutely no superpowers) was pretty obvious (at least to an observant viewer, like myself).
And, with that in mind, I can tell you one thing for certain - It was Gretel, not Hansel, who wore the pants in this family of hateful, blindly-vengeful bounty hunters.
I clearly saw this movie and its title characters as being something of a metaphor depicting the Nazi witch-hunts and extermination of Jews during WW2 in Germany. (or) How about an allegorical statement about Caucasian Americans (as the good "white" witches") and their deep-rooted prejudice towards Blacks (represented as the despised "black" witches and their voodoo)?
Well, any way I looked at it, I saw the underlying tone of Hansel & Gretel's story to be that of absolute blind-hatred and the indiscriminate extermination of something, or someone, who one doesn't even want to try to understand. (Yeah. Just unmercifully kill them all and that'll make everything alright for the self-proclaimed and self-righteous good guys & gals)
At this point I'm not going to even get into a full-blown complaint about the out-of-whack, hi-tech weaponry that was made available exclusively to Hansel & Gretel. But, considering the time-frame of this film's story, I'd sure like to know who the hell it was who designed & built this dazzling array of artillery for these 2 roving heroes.
(I think that if the witches finally wised-up and started designing their very own guns, then we'd really see who kicks whose ass!)
As well, I think it's quite pointless for me to angrily point out how often the word "fukk" was spoken by either darling Hansel or (especially) Gretel-dearest. I just have to keep in mind that these 2 were just being exactly who they were - A pair of bazooka-toting, Rambo-like bullies.
The one thing that I am in total agreement on in regards to this picture is when people say "This is a stupid movie that knows it's stupid." Yes. I do agree with this, but with that I add, "It may be a stupid movie that knows it's stupid, but it's still smart enough to know that its audience (who choose to applaud that stupidity, which I don't) are about 10x more stupid than it is."
And, finally - Speaking about the likes of Will Ferrell and him producing this ass-backwards movie (where guns are 20x more effective than the most powerful witchcraft imaginable), I think that it was just like that piece of slimy snot to financially back a turd like this.
P.S. - About the only character in the story who I kinda thought was "OK" was Edward, the Troll (who could've easily been a distant cousin of Shrek's).
Of course, Edward wasn't really given enough screen-time, but I'm sure his day is coming soon for his very own feature film, or, at least, a TV spot where, grumpy as can be, he's promoting the likes of personal hygiene products, and such.