Did they leave in the "Deleted Scenes"?

Rating: 2/10 (7 February 2016)

Plays like a rough cut. There are some truly fun moments - the cowboy movies, the sailor dance, but there are also many scenes that are almost lifeless. And that's the problem. In between these fun moments, the audience quiets down and starts looking around the theater to see if anyone else is getting that same "uh oh, we should have waited for this to come out on Netflix" feeling.
Some of the more positive reviews sound like essays from a community college film class. Quite a few of the positive reviewers have alleged "true" Coen fans will love it - hence if you don't love this movie, it's because you should be somewhere more suited for unsophisticated people, such as a wrestling match or Adam Sandler film festival. I'm not sure what irritates me more, the faux elitism or the $10.50 I paid for the ticket. This isn't a case of "some people just don't get this movie". The Coens have never been in that stratospheric league of art house filmmakers whose work only appeals to some lofty intellectual upper class. It's a "movie movie", aimed at people who appreciate movies perhaps a bit more than some, perhaps, but still at the mainstream. This movie fails to deliver a coherent, engaging story to its intended audience.
Cut out the confessional scenes, cut out the Lockheed subplot, cut back on the scenes with Ralph Fiennes, trim the scenes at the Malibu House and pare back Clooney's role (unless you can actually have him do something interesting). These can go on the DVD as "Deleted Scenes", because they already play like those.
Expand the story with Jonah Hill and Scarlett Johansson, because that could have been funny and sweet instead of an off-screen nothing. Add a climactic chase between the cowboy star and Channing Tatum, each using their already-established skills, through the studio, passing through and riotously disrupting several movie sets.
It is visually lovely, but moves slowly on its way to nowhere.