Hail! The Final Credits

Rating: 5/10 (6 February 2016)

Hail, Caesar! could be rated as one of the biggest disappointments of 2016. This film is a mess. As you are watching the film you get the sense that the Coen brothers did not have a fully fleshed out main story so they had to add a lot of filler to achieve a full length feature.
The general idea is that Baird Whitlock is kidnapped and the studio has to ransom him to finish their film. You would get the idea that this is going to have some comedic edge on how the characters find Whitlock; that it is going to show how missing a star can effect a film; or some type of twisted outcome. Instead the story is focused on Josh Brolin (Eddie Mannix) and what he deals with on a daily basis. There is sub-story after sub-story that have nothing to do with the kidnapping. Most movies use those sub-stories to explain plots, backgrounds or build characterization - but these do absolutely nothing. The sub-stories (filler) are basically there to have cameos by stars with zero influence on the story or the plot outcome.
1-If you are a fan of Jonah Hill you have seen 90% of his entire performance by watching the trailer. There may be another 5 seconds of footage, but that is all. 2-The Scarlett Johansson character has nothing to do with the story at all. This was a filler to show what Mannix does in his daily life, but it is a useless couple of scenes. The trailer kind of hints that Johansson helps with the investigation, but she just plays a trashy actress who is dealing with being pregnant out of wedlock and not wanting her "innocent" image tarnished. To add to the filler, the film has a much longer than needed swim scene (ala the old 40's movies) that again has nothing to do with the story. 3-The dancing sailor scene is supposed to be funny, but it is long and drawn out and again has nothing to do with the story. Even Tatum's character (who turns out to be the main antagonist) does nothing in the film to show why the kidnapping happened or even how he is involved. You are just shown a scene with him on a boat with the conspirators - heading out to a submarine. There is no explanation - nothing. 4-The double Tilda Swinson reporters have no bearing on the story and (I believe) were supposed to be comic relief, but both characters are dull and uninspiring.
The only saving grace is that the character of Mannix is played well by Brolin and is likable enough to ride the storm out. Also, Clooney is likable as Whitlock. Without those two performances this rating would have been a 2 or a 3 because of how bad the script is, the random filler that hinders the movie, the lack of cohesiveness.
As I was leaving the theater, I came across a group of five people complaining about how they wasted money on "the worse movie I have ever seen". I stopped and asked "Hail, Caesar?" and they said "yes". I would not rate it as the worse that I have ever seen, but one of the biggest disappointments.