Dairy Queen "Dilly Bars" and Sony "Walkman Mix-Tape Players" . . .

Rating: 8/10 (13 May 2017)

. . . are about the only products for which Marvel Studios was able to drum up product placement subsidies here, indicating that the steady parade of Marvel Comic Book screen adaptations may be finally drawing to a merciful close. Back in the 1900s, when SPIDERMAN and X-MEN flicks were something novel, the World's Leading Auto Makers fought tooth & nail for the "privilege" of a few seconds' grill time for their latest prototype models. Though the end credits for GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY, VOL. 2 exercise some wishful thinking by implying that Marvel's sagging franchise MIGHT have even more pale sequels and spin-offs up their withered sleeves, one hates to think of what dying products from the previous century will be content to risk a few hundred bucks to hawk their cob-webbed wares with a Big Screen Last Hurrah. Preparation H, perhaps? (This might be a good fit for Stakar Ogord.) Drax may appreciate some Alka-Seltzer after a hard day of belly-diving. Gamora could imagine that she's back on Pandora in her Maidenform Brassiere. Surely a Zoot Suit would suit Groot. And Bic could publicize a clearance sale on their most ancient ink quills by having Peter sign his next Starship Rental Contract with one.