Worst the MCU Has Given Us Yet

Rating: Null/10 (12 May 2017)

This is easily one of the worst comic book movies I've ever seen.
The humor is so forced and so cringey I could barely stomach it. There's a part where they're being chased by a bunch of ships and are still cracking jokes, with Rocket telling Quill he's going to put a turd in his pillow case, and that it'll be one of Drax's. Drax then starts bellowing like a goon and says, "I have famously huge turds." I almost walked out of the movie at that.
Baby Groot is so annoying. It just shows how stupid society has actually gotten that people love Baby Groot. He's essentially Jar Jar but instead of people rightly being angered by such a horrible character getting focused like in the 90s when Episode 1 first came out, now everyone loves Baby Groot. With my Marvel loving friend telling me I "obviously lacked a soul and heart" since I didn't like Baby Groot. The start of the movie has the giant monster from the trailer, and instead of showing the whole fight, it focuses on Baby Groot as he dances to music while the fight is blurry in the background.
The story is bland as usual with MCU movies. It's just Peter's Dad needs Peter to help him activate these seedlings so he can take over other planets. All with bountiful jokes.
Drax was the only part I enjoyed of the first Guardians. His deadpan humor made up for the forced humor of the others. He took everything literally in the first film and that's what made him funny. Like the "everything goes over his head" line which he replied, "nothing goes over my head, I'm too quick, I would catch it." But in this movie he's "AHAHAHAHAHAHA EVERYTHING I SAY IS A JOKE!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA WHY ARE YOU NOT LAUGHING? THIS IS WHAT MCU FANS LOVE!! AHAHAHAHAAHHA MEMES!!!!!" And he didn't do much in the way of "Destroying".
There's a part of the movie where Quill covers himself in rocks and turns into Pacman, which I immediately thought "oh, this movie is the comic version of Pixels!!!" Not a good thing.
I think the one scene I really enjoyed was the Ravager funeral for Yondu at the end of the film. That was it. The rest of the movie was just joke, joke, joke, reference to old songs, jokes, serious scenes that played out pretty nicely and then ruined by jokes, and more jokes.
Five post-credit scenes. None of which mattered.
Everyone's singing this movie's praise. Which doesn't surprise me. Everyone loves the MCU and always give these movies a pass on being terrible. They love the humor and don't care how basic the plot is. I honestly believe if Marvel Studios put out a two hour movie of a Marvel character sitting at a table and just sipping a cup of tea it'd get a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes and the Marvel fanboys would call it cinema at it's finest.
The movie is so bad it's cringe.
Don't waste your money, even though you no doubt already have.