Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 Episode 2: Attack of the Sequelitis

Rating: 1/10 (12 September 2017)

Wtf did I just witness??? This was like the Star Wars prequels on crack. Yes, you read that right. Episode 1 is better than this soulless dreck. Watching this film was like watching a Skittles commercial whilst overdosing on cocaine in an LCD induced fever dream.
The action is nothing but over the top, sledge hammer to the brain, mayhemic, CGI diarrhea. Gone is the disarming charm of the first film, replaced with something that feels like it was written by a Disney AI, and cobbled together as a result of strict focus group fan polling of the memorable moments from the first film. Remember dancing Baby Groot? Of course you do!! Now we get an Entire SEQUENCE of that!! Great, right?!?!?!
No joke, I need to wrack my brain just to find anything to praise in this. Zoe Saldana is sleep walking through this whole thing, and Chris Pratt barely seems to care. Bautista is the only one that actually looked like he was having fun, but then he's reduced to being nothing more than a glorified background character. Seriously, his name is Drax the Destroyer, and he does no destroying in the film. He just kind of tags along, cracking the same kind of jokes over and over again (FYI, he's a big guy who does big turdsÂ… yes, this is an actual joke in the film.)
The fact this film received any praise whatsoever is absolute confirmation that Marvel bias is a thing (if that weren't already obvious.) Seriously, if Michael Bay had directed this mess of a film, then one. hundred. percent, the internet would be tearing it to pieces. As it is, enthusiasm for the first film is clouding people's ability to judge.
More jokes, more humour, more action, more CGI, more explosions, more characters, more 80's references, and yet this is a lesser film than the first in every conceivable way. GoTG 1 was easily one of Marvel's best, this is straight up their worst. 7.9 out of 10 score for this film is a crime against humanity.