Too long, too boring, too pointless

Rating: 5/10 (14 May 2017)

When you have the surprise hit of the summer, what do you do? You make a sequel. You have a problem, though. There's nothing left in the tank and instead of quality you have to provide quantity. And for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, quantity comes measured in minutes, 136 of them, at least 30 of which could easily be hacked by a thoughtless editor without affecting the feel, story, or character "development."
We learn once again that family is important, and the difference between friends and family can be so blurred that we are unable to recognize it until we fight each other to the death a couple of times. Also, we learn that beauty is subjective, both inner and outer beauty.
Most importantly, we re-learn one of life's toughest, most humbling lessons: what we dislike the most about others is often what we cannot or refuse to see in ourselves. Other reinforced lessons: Chris Pratt still looks good without clothes on; there is not nearly enough screen time for Howard the Duck; and people painted gold tend to be full of themselves.
New lessons learned: you use your heart to guide deadly red arrows, not your mind; I now have universe-destruction fatigue syndrome ("UDFS"); and baby Groot is cute, Grootastic, even.
Open questions: Where are all the Infinity Stones? How many stingers can you fit into one set of credits? Did Pixels use Pac-Man better?