What am I supposed to relate to?

Rating: 5/10 (24 January 2015)

There isn't a single sympathetic character in this whole mess. It's like getting on a fairground ride while it's in motion after you've eaten too much. It's vaguely nauseous, meaningless, pretentious, expensive drivel.
Beware the Bingety Bong of the Throob and the Doodly Squot of Broot. Made up names with made up personalities, if they have personalities at all. How anyone can relate to this tripe is beyond me.
Sorry for venting. It just makes me angry that so much time and money went up in virtual smoke to put this on the screen. Oh - someone said it's supposed to be funny. Huh? There are jokes? I must have missed them while I was fast-forwarding through the action sequences.
Painful waste of everything. Cinema is better than this. I actually like graphic novels, but please leave comics on pulped trees where they belong. 5/10 is generous.
Edit: I just remembered that I saw "John Carter" (of Mars) on TV recently and enjoyed it much more than Guardians. Yeah - I'm surprised, too! But I could relate to the characters and follow the plot much better in Carter than in Guardians.