I don't even think this can be spoiled...

Rating: 1/10 (14 August 2014)

I thought it would only be fair giving this 1 star, even though it's maybe - at BEST - a 4, because this is definitely not worth 8. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY was a shot I chose to try in god knows how long since I've been to the cinema. This is just another load of Hollywood trash. I had the impression it was innovative, considering the Guardians being pulled out from the bottom of the pile and the whole outlaw thing... but I was wrong...
IN THE BEGINNING, what's-his-name is on Earth and it is APPARENTLY '88. The kid's mother dies. OK. Is this meant to be emotional despite the fact I have no attachment to any of these characters yet? OH WOW IT'S THE FUTURE NOW!! I'm sorry; his mother dies, he goes outside and then he gets abducted? What is this supposed to signify? Not to mention it's (obviously) unbelievably and strangely timed, but this is probably an attempt at giving some depth to the main character, but really doesn't do ANYTHING for the major plot of the entire film.
The rest of the film was just a bunch of underdogs coming together because they end up in the same space prison (because what happens when you're arrested together is you share a block, not to mention gender is no issue here). Then they fall into this orb situation. What is it? It.. it is this orb.. and it is powerful.. a bit like the cube or something. There was little development in the story at all really, a few changes in direction but no real twists or anything surprising. I don't even know, I was almost asleep half the time. I was constantly checking my watch to see when it was over.
So we have hideous CGI here. Ridiculously unprofessional, but I guess I'm not in with the CGI in blockbusters. They have this obnoxious claim to fame with technology it seems; having the ability to do these things doesn't make it cool, it just looks like a video game. Another thing, visually, was the designs. It was just so typical of the action/sci-fi genre in the technology and whatnot, and the characters... very much in the same boat but more-so thrown together effortlessly.
Then after that its all EXPLOSIONS - SPEEDING - ADVERTISING - HITTING! In between there's a conceited amount of one liners that made me cringe. The best kind. And in the end we have some false suspense because we know everything is going to be okay.
OVERALL: >The comedy was... horrid... >The story was simple. >The characters were lacking in... everything really. -The cinematography didn't even involve cameras. >The soundtrack was a bunch of pop classics chucked together. So what was good about it? The ACTION!!!1111 Wait, no... >The action was too much, unnecessary and clearly there to fill in time.
Main reason I even saw this was I received an invitation from some mates. I think I'll try go back to sticking to films with a point. The only point of this was to brainwash and make big bucks.