Assembly-line computer-generated comic...

Rating: 1/10 (8 March 2015)

I've got to admit that GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY caught me by surprise: it's rare that a movie turns out to be even WORSE than I imagined it might be. You try to sit through movies like this- like BATTLEFIELD: EARTH or BUCKAROO BANZAI or TOTAL RECALL (the Schwarzenegger version; I still haven't bothered with the "reimagined remake") or THE FIFTH ELEMENT or any one of a thousand others- and it becomes nothing more or less than self abuse. "My government knows no shame," proclaims Ronan in GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY; nor, apparently does his Studio. You know your movie's in trouble when the one and only character worth watching for even a nanosecond is a cartoon raccoon- named Rocky ("Rocket"), who, incidentally, has the best line in the movie: "All of them in a big hurry to get from something stupid, to nothing at all. Pathetic." (That's called a nutshell review, by the way.) This is just plain sloppy storytelling, based on one of the least-interesting comic books ever to see print. And ANT-MAN is next??? What are these people thinking? There's no rhyme or reason to anything they're doing. Forget the "lack of continuity;" this is simply hyping cgi sequences that might as well be cut and pasted on a disc unto themselves, without the "human" element.