Sci-Fi that oozes blandness

Rating: 4/10 (3 April 2015)

How could a film with a talking raccoon be bland you ask? Well, they did somehow manage it.
This film was recommended to me by a colleague, whose word I trust. I watched it on an average HD TV screen and appreciate that this may have diminished the impact of the effects.
I found this film nondescript - and I was more captivated by the dinner I was eating while watching it. In fairness, it was a cracking curry with succulent tender chicken that melted in my mouth. The accompanying sauce had a lovely buttery tang to it that complimented the meat beautifully. This film didn't really stand a chance.
The start was good and I was rooting for the film after a nice opening where our protagonist lost his mum and got kidnapped by aliens straight after. It just never really takes off after that. The relentless wise cracking jokes come thick and fast but none of them are particularly funny. Think 10 jokes for the payoff of one slight titter.
The story ambles along with a highly original plot about an evil scary person seeking out an object of unfathomable power (oh by the way if you're one of those people that don't "get" things, this is sarcasm. The plot isn't original. It's bloody tedious and the same plot as 95% of every other sci-fi films and fantasy adventures) - with the goodies trying to stop him. The action scenes came at us non-stop, just like the wise cracks, but it is all shoulder shruggingly typical of every other action film in existence.
There are a whole variety of wafer thin "characters" that we meet along the way. There are also lots of clichés, a horribly unconvincing and contrived romance, and a ludicrous end.
I'm honestly at the point where seeing films like this with a rating of higher than 8 leaves me utterly baffled. Does IMDb collectively have zero taste? This film is the "Masters of the Universe" of 2015. It's eye candy for the intellectually bankrupt adult, or the easily amused child. At least Masters of the Universe had Skeletor. That's a baddie I can really get behind.
I convinced my sceptical girlfriend to watch this, and my credit in the film picking stakes took a huge hit. After it ended, I got that scolding "told you so" look, and what could I say? She was right. This is rubbish. Don't believe the hype.