Huge loss of respect for humanity

Rating: 1/10 (3 August 2016)

I saw this listed as the best reviewed summer movie from two years ago and can't stand it anymore. When I watched this I laughed at how bad it was. Being utterly sadistic, I went to RT and IMDb to share in the deserved shaming. Instead, I found 90% glowing, not positive, glowing reviews.
Just to put it in perspective, I feel I'm pretty mainstream in my tastes, and can enjoy the utterly stupid if that's the point, e.g. Dumb/Dumber, Austin Powers, some Feig, and even Grandma's Boy or Broken Lizard is OK if I'm too tired to change the channel. I also like gratuitous violence just fine, and have willingly suspended my reality as needed since I left the Last Starfighter in tears about 30min in, and Transformers(animated) after the credits rolled. I reeeeally liked Burton's/Nolan's Batmans.
That said, I simply don't quite get all the respect for modern super-hero movies, or more specifically, all the respect for certain such movies. Ironman was good, but certainly not that good, and the Avengers is really no better in plot/acting than GI Joe or Green (insert balance of mediocrity here), they just have better directors/budgets maybe. Of course, I've gotten old since Keaton, and I'm willing to admit I am guilty of inflating Nolan's work b/c I dig the stylings, and perhaps b/c I don't like that I got old. So, I give the Thors and Cpt. Americas of the world a pass because I figure they're intended for 8 year olds like my previous self. If arrested development provides a wider audience these days, that's not the movie's fault. Similarly, if you think Tony Stark is better than Jack's Joker, I also blame your parents.
As for Guardians, I certainly can imagine an 8-12 year olds enjoying this (as I enjoyed TMNT in all its one liner glory), as well as 13-18 year olds who attend conventions (as I enjoyed the unsolvable mystery of who Adrian Paul would decapitate each week). I don't remember lines from them, and today's 8-18 year olds won't remember any from Guardians. E.g.: a)His race is without a sense of irony? (picturing writers high-fiving over ability to add in at least 4-5 one liners off this contrivance and not have to actually hire someone with any comedic talent to write a joke relating to the plot/action/previous line). b) I am groot means I am groot except if you're a racoon, then it predictably means everything (ala Chewie) from please and thank you to something super technical that it's just amazing/hilarious this character would know about. But hey, I didn't mind it in Star Wars. To be fair to me, Ford didn't wait for a laugh track after each line, and Chewey didn't magically transform three English words into a decipherable language instead of buying Han Rosetta Stone Wookie for Christmas one year; c) dance off. Oh, but what about using old/anachronistic/genre bending songs to create an atmosphere? Yes, awesome, and when Tarantino did it 20 years ago I thought it was just shy of Dre mixing rap and funk, so maybe we'll just add that to the homage bill. Love Pratt as a Lenny figure, but between this and Jurassic World, I really hope he saves any action movie paychecks just in case the Coen brothers don't come a calling by the time the next teddy bear/modern man's man next door shows up (sorry Krasinski, seats taken). Btw, didn't Pratt himself think this movie would bomb and end his career? That, and his great Top Chef appearance would make me go see said Coen bros. movie.
So, even if it weren't for the impossibly favorable reviews, this movie is one of the worst movies I've seen,since Thor, and before that Fast/Furious and/or Eye of the Beholder. That for a time I felt like I had to hide my disgust lest I be outed as the only heterosexual male aged 10-40 who doesn't think Gunn is the next Spielberg, makes me write this, and makes me almost as sad for my country as the d/t sandwich the major parties inflicted upon us this year. If not me, my son deserves more 7 years from now. You are groot. I am happy for you.