Better than exactly 3 of the 6 Star Wars films - I bet you can guess which ones

Rating: 5/10 (18 September 2014)

No spoilers in here, the movie wasn't substantial enough. I decided to succumb to the hype and see it in the theater, mainly because the "hated it" reviews on this site were rather unconvincing and underwhelming. After seeing the movie, I think I can understand why - it isn't really that bad, isn't really that good, and isn't really worth a lot of effort for a deep analysis.
I fell asleep during some portion of the movie, not sure how long I was out and don't really care what I missed. I do know that the plot was about retrieval of an all-powerful orb.
This may very well be the Star Wars for the current generation, but then again Justin Bieber may very well be the Elvis for the current generation.
The spaceships were mostly goofy looking (can't quite call them unoriginal) but there was nothing as memorable as a land speeder, X-wing, or TIE fighter on display. It's getting tiring writing about how the need to exploit 3D is ruining the action scenes of major motion pictures, but it's true here too.
I had trouble following all of the characters' and planets' names, but to be fair, I'm sure I couldn't have named Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi, C-3PO, R2-D2, Tattooine or Alderaan in 1977 before the 3rd viewing (or maybe it was before buying the action figures and play sets).
Chris Pratt tries to channel Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Indiana Jones, with a little bit of John McClane thrown in for good measure. I guess I'll let the millenials decide if he succeeded, it didn't work for me. I like Zoe Saldana but her sickly pale-green pallor and facial markings in this movie were really disturbing and off-putting. I'm not even sure if this Freaky Five are more interesting than the Fantastic Four, and those movies were near the bottom of the barrel.
The selection of 70's music was good, though it is totally out of place (imagine if Luke Skywalker went around jamming to Beach Boys tunes). I know that the movie is set in 2016, not "a long time ago", but that still can't help its "sci-fi classic" status.
Probably the worst element of the movie was Glenn Close as Nova Prime. It just kept reminding me of another over-hyped movie with a threadbare plot: Air Force One.
The things I liked the most were the costumes and makeup of some of the villains, particularly Nebula. The main villain (forget his name, but he was a cross between Darth Vader, the emperor, and the Terminator) was sufficiently badass, though by the end I was wondering why Michael Rooker's blue Mr. T wasn't the sole main character, what with his whistle-controlled space needle and all.
I have no idea whether this film was faithful to the comic book - now I know how people who say stuff like "I didn't know anything about the origin of Spider-Man before seeing this movie" feel.
In the end, I guess the movie was OK but I have to say I was fooled by the hype. For a movie that many are calling the Star Wars for our time, I just kept thinking "OK, this is obviously much more entertaining than Episodes I-III (so is a Ti-D-Bowl commercial), but it doesn't hold a candle to the original trilogy".