Guardians of the Mix-Tapes

Rating: 1/10 (24 December 2014)

Someone forgot these losers are meant to be heroes.
The Star Lord here has little in common with his comic book version; instead he is a cross between Indiana Jones and Han Solo, although rather more superficial than Harrison Ford in those films. For instance, as Jones obtains a valuable object at the start of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, so Star Lord does here. But in ROTLA there is a sense of real danger with some occasional wit to lighten things, here there is annoying one liners and a rather easy victory. It also matters that, while Jones is a serious archaeologist interested in gaining artifacts for the benefit of humanity, Star Lord is interested only in lining his own pockets. In other words, Star Lord, who is presented as the main hero here, is no better than the villains in ROTLA.
So Star Lord is a self-serving thief, as well as an obnoxious big-mouth and a philanderer. But then wasn't Han Solo a shady character before finding his inner hero? However, Solo was surrounded by better, more idealistic people who shamed him into change. Star Lord has no such companions, each one is as self-serving as himself.
Gamora, Rocket Raccoon and Groot are violent bounty hunters, prepared to use whatever methods to line their pockets. Rocket is an obnoxious big-mouth too and, of the group, only Groot emerges as any kind of nobility of spirit, even if his "I am Groot" shtick gets old very quickly. Yondu, who in the comics is the very definition of a "noble savage" is here yet another self-serving mercenary. They are later joined by Drax, a muscle-man with a grudge against Thanos, something that would normally mark him out as a cliché but, in the context of all these mercenaries, makes him a least a bit refreshing.
Star Lord's thievery puts him in possession of an all-powerful gem stone, on which Mcguffin the feeble plot hangs. But the real cultural artifact here is Star Lord's Mix Tape, which has inappropriate 70s music introduced at odd moments always to an anti-climactic effect. I guess this will sell a lot of soundtrack albums as well as evoking a mood of cozy nostalgia among the baby-boomer parents watching this. It does speak volumes for the lack of ambition among modern films that such easy nostalgia is sought instead of anything more interesting. But the film itself is a sort of 'Mix Tape' - an assortment of favourite tropes stuck together without any great logic.
Star Lord's Mix Tape performs its magic on Gamora. Despite not being from Earth, she mysteriously responds to 1970s pop music. Of course Star Lord's dancing, witty banter and references to Kevin Bacon help. Naturally, they immediately fall in love and Star Lord is prepared to sacrifice himself to save her.
During the course of this film, when not engaging in annoying one-liners or embarrassing and inappropriate dance routines, the GOTG are meting out brutal violence, which often includes cold blooded murder. In a scene near the end Groot kills a group of "Space Nazis" by repeatedly smashing them against the walls. This scene lasts a good few seconds. He then turns and grins to his pals. And this is a superhero film pitched at kids.
Rocket Raccoon crashes his ship into Ronan. This could have been a moment of heroic sacrifice, but not only does he survive completely unscathed (how?) but everybody in the same room as Ronan does too! Then apparently Groot sacrifices himself; we have the tears and the sad music but then we see him growing back in the end credits? The scene with Groot's sapling dancing to 70s music in the credits is truly embarrassing. But not quite as embarrassing as Star Lord's dance in front of Ronan. This is meant to the climax of the film and Star Lord is meant to be a super hero for goodness sake! Nor is there any sense that this band of mercenaries have grown and become better people by the end of the film. These "Guardians Of The Galaxy" do not vow to give up theft or violence. They do not vow to follow the good, but quite revealingly, Star Lord leads them to "somewhere in between" which I guess means more adolescent adventures in GOTG II.