I've Played Video Games That Make Better Movies Than This Stinker

Rating: 4/10 (15 August 2014)

I was absolutely amazed by "Guardians of the Galaxy"....amazed at how bad it was after hearing how wonderful it was.
People in all seriousness are discussing whether or not this film is the new generation's "Star Wars." Have the people who are discussing this even seen "Star Wars?" They must be thirteen years old.
Indeed, thirteen year olds and younger are the only demographic I can possibly imagine liking this film. It struggles to achieve the same sense of whimsy and humor that infused the original "Star Wars" trilogy, the Indiana Jones movies and even more recent super hero films (see "Hellboy II" for a film that perfects it). But it fails miserably, mostly because the cast doesn't have the talent or the chemistry to pull it off. Chris Pratt creates a vacuum at the film's center -- he doesn't have the screen presence or charisma to carry it. And he's surrounded by a film that just starts in the middle of a dumb story, as if everyone coming to see it is already an expert on this particular series, even though it's one of the most totally obscure of any of the superhero stories. And the action sequences are a frenetic muddle made worse by the 3D. When the biggest asset in your live action film is a CGI talking raccoon, you know you're in trouble.
Seriously, I am a big fan of the Ratchet and Clank video game series, which this movie put me in mind of, but R&C (a video game!!) has more humor and narrative cohesion than this film.
Grade: D+