On Buying a Bag of Apples....

Rating: Null/10 (9 April 2007)

To borrow an analogy a friend has used elsewhere, watching parts of this movie was like buying a bag labeled "apples," taking it home, opening it, and discovering the bag is full oranges. Sure, they may be very good oranges, but you paid for apples because you wanted apples, dammit.
Planet Terror is in a wrapper that says "Grindhouse," and I was more than satisfied with how it wallows in the grungy joy of the thing. Same deal with the trailers. Those components are entertainingly tattered with savage, unhemmed edges of film-making; they could've proudly displayed such spirited fringes without a need to add bogus film flaws to make this intention obvious to the people in the audience who might not get it.
Death Proof has excellent acting and awesome dialog in wonderful, carefully staged set pieces. All those involved should be recognized and commended for their masterful achievements, particularly the director who brought it all together and made it sing. But when you consider the whole, it is too talky and relaxed and doesn't have enough action for a thing in a wrapper that clearly says "Grindhouse." Death Proof is bait and switch. You want talk not action? Not in my gindhouse! Try that pansy little art-house theater down the street. Maybe they got some Bergman for you. Or the later works of Woody Allen.
Yeah, Death Proof is one of the best oranges I've ever seen, but I paid for apples, dammit.