Really wanted to like this show, honest

Rating: 2/10 (7 April 2007)

"Grindhouse" is a self-indulgent mess. Definitely a cool idea, but unfortunately the execution is spectacularly boring. The film didn't live up to the crazy notions the concept evoked, just like the original exploitation source material never lived up to sleazy movie posters or radio spots. Daydreaming about what a film like "Grindhouse" might be like is more fun and productive plus way less tedious than sitting through the actual show.
For at least a few minutes Rodriquez's "Planet Terror" segment seems as if it might be a fun spin around the block. Unfortunately the story becomes quickly mired in an over-complicated plot at the expense of what should be straight-forward camp. Plus Rodriguez loses sight of the show's concept and embraces state-of-the-art film-making instead of genre schlock. Uneven results become tedious, much like the overly pained expressions of Rose McGowan's hatchet face. (Why didn't Rodriquez replace her head with the machine gun? Not only would there have been less scowling, but her performance could've improved greatly.) Plus there isn't a single sympathetic character in the entire mess. Oh well.
On the positive side, some of the hospital scenes decently parody the exploitation genre...but at the same time also detract from the show as a whole by bringing attention to those majority of scenes that fall flat. Nice seeing Michael Biehn, though.
Tarantino's "Death Proof" rocks whenever Kurt Russell's on screen. Unfortunately, they must've only had him for three or four days because most of the screen time's eaten up by two trios of in-your-face stupid chicks who won't shut the hell up. You think Kevin Smith dialog is interminable and inane? Hey Tarantino -- typing page after page of expository dialog for EVERY character in the same Witty Coolspeak makes EVERY character sound the same. Specifically, EVERY character sounds as if the writer's desperately attempting to impress his daddy/the audience. Daddy and the audience are bored stiff, not impressed. During an advanced screening of about 50 people, one viewer screamed "Shut up already!" during the talk talk talky restaurant sequence. Received the biggest laugh of the show.
Again, on the positive side, Kurt Russell rocks. But he's too peripheral to the yattering yentas swerving their hollow heads, yo. Tarantino obviously comprehends the concept of a faux '70s exploitation homage more than does Rodriguez, plus some of the car stunts toward the end create what amounts to the scant dramatic tension in the entire film. "Death Proof" probably falls less flat than "Planet Terror" but is instantly tedious and paper thin.
All but one of the fake trailers are nothing special, much better stuff's clogging YouTube. Peppering cast members as different characters in segments was fun, but WTF did they pull the missing reel gag twice? Oof. Symbolic of the destructive self-indulgence at work?
At least they nailed the music, especially during Tarantino's segment. The "Death Proof" title sequence is the showstopper, complete with sloppy title swap and incredible POV. Plus those fake emulsion scrapes, jump frames, classic theater notices and '70s studio logos made everyone smile. But even those touches, wonderful as they were, just couldn't save a film more than three hours long.
Yes, this assessment is heresy to the Rodriguez & Tarantino Faithful. But the idea for "Grindhouse" was infinitely more interesting and powerful than the film Rodriquez and Tarantino delivered. And boy did I want to like this film. R&T just wouldn't let me.