Worse than a nil-all draw

Rating: 4/10 (15 September 2005)

There is nothing right in this movie. An American journalism student who has been kicked out of Harvard because he was framed by his roommate comes to London to visit his sister who is now married and has a child there. Very, very, very shortly after arriving he is sent away for the day to a soccer match with Sam, brother-in-law to the American's sister. Sam's patently a hardcore soccer fan who doesn't particularly want to bring a yank to the match with his mates. After a jokingly pathetic attempt to stand up to Sam and his yobbish behaviour (and attempted mugging), Sam suddenly finds a respect for the American. This quick turn was the beginning of the end. What follows is an even more unbelievable saga of bad London accents, shaky fight scenes scared of being too explicit, and pathetic, moronic and loutish behaviour (well I suppose it is a football-hooligan movie). The protagonist learns to fight with great ease against seasoned street fighters despite never having being in a fight in his life. Loyalties seem to flip at a moment's notice and characters behave in ways which make no sense at all, such as a mother who abhors violence and wishes to leave London because of it driving her infant child into practically the most violent gang fight that there could be, stopping the vehicle and getting out of it, with him still strapped inside! The audience are supposed to feel some sort of connection to the song "I'm forever blowing bubbles", the anthem of West Ham (the featured team) but it comes across as a drink inspired wail of oblivion, which is where this movie made me want to go. Avoid, avoid, avoid!!