The worst film ever made? Probably...

Rating: 1/10 (3 July 2009)

There is no nil on the IMDb rating system. Which is a pity. Because that's what this dismal pile of sentimental offal deserves. A big round nil.
The accents: It would be alright to pick one actor incapable of speaking with a proper east London accent, perhaps. But to pick all of the actors on the basis of their inability to talk in a convincing dialect seems a little perverse. I expect that Elijah Wood's American accent is wrong, too, but I can't tell.
The plot: I couldn't care less whether plots are realistic or not, but they need to obey at least an inner logic, and this one fails on that score. Thrown out of Harvard because his roomie was dealing blow, Mr Wood lands among a bunch of "thugs" as soon as he hits London. I really believe that one, just like the idea that an ex-hooligan is now a big wheel in the city or something generically successful, like Mr Wood's brother-in-law is meant to be.
The message: The most repugnant thing about this film is its message. Essentially it's telling us that hooligans are all good fellows really, that the feeling brotherhood that they offer to the waifs and strays at the edges of society is a good thing. The film ends with the lamentable Mr Wood singing "I'm forever blowing bubbles" triumphantly, having stitched up his blow-dealing roomie, with the message being that he has grown and matured from his contact with the London yobs. Soryy, but it's not that diofferent from doing a Waffen SS buddy movie. Any plans for something like that in the pipeline? Because these people are viciously racist anti-semites who maim, injure and intimidate with impunity. Which makes the film not only dreadful but completely amoral in the worst possible way. Waffen SS here we come. Oh, and if you want to see a good film about English youth, watch the wonderful This is England.