I apologise to fans, but this is as honest as it gets.

Rating: 1/10 (6 September 2000)

Based heavily upon the stage-show, Grease is an up beat, feel-good musical that has spawned an appalling sequel, countless CDs and a larger fan-base than most premier league football teams. But why don't I like it? With the exception of the Blues Brothers, I'm not a fan of musicals, I find them shallow, ill conceived and heavily dependent upon merchandise, but that's just me. The main reason I avoid all things Grease is that I saw the stage show before the film. It was in the London west-end, nearing the end of its run in a small theatre, with an unknown cast and no big star. And despite myself, I didn't find it disagreeable. The songs were acceptable (even amusing at times), the characterisation was incredible for a stage musical (in a cartoon-character kind of a way) and the comedic moments were actually funny. I was amazed that there was no taste of bile in my mouth, and that I had no need for therapy afterwards. So when my friends finally managed to get me to watch the film (as part of a deal: I would watch Grease if she would watch Blues Brothers, she got the better deal) I didn't complain too loudly. I wish I had.	Despite being an almost direct adaptation of the stage show of the day, somewhere along the line, something had been lost. The characters seemed less cartoon like, and more two dimensional; the songs packed less of a punch, and at times made me desire the fast-forward button and the comedic moments just weren't as good. I don't know if it's because twenty-odd years have passed since the filming, but it just seemed . . . tame.
The songs are famous to get toes tapping at `any' party, there's Summer Loving, Greased Lightning, that one with the line `You'd better shape up' and those other ones. Out of an entire musical, only three songs are actually that memorable (I know I'll be criticised by all of you who know the lyrics to every single song in the film, but hey, everyone needs a hobby), taking up about 8 minutes of the film. That's kind of pathetic when you factor in at least two yawn-worthy songs (about 6 minutes) and the film seems less of a musical and more of a chore.	Now, I wouldn't complain about the music if there were some decent filler material in between warblings, but the film was lacking in this area too. Dialogue was cheesy at the most, or as I like to call it, just plain bad. Today it seems ridiculous to watch John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John exchanging some lines that wouldn't seem out of place in a twelve-year old girls love story. If you're someone who likes to hear actors in their thirties play kids in their teens, spouting seventies dialect in the fifties then this is the film for you. If you like to watch over-ripe, then don't let me stop you. If however, you have a shred of taste in your body (and/or a Y chromosome) then stay well away.