Gravity Sucks

Rating: 5/10 (7 October 2013)

"You've gotta be kidding me!"
You can say that again Sandra Bullock.
Pop quiz hot shot, Sandra Bullock is driving another bus and you can pretty much guess the results. Welcome to Space camp.
Despite what you may think, Gravity is a surprisingly conventional popcorn thriller. I'll read you the summary. Which cliché's will we use? Eeenie, meenie mineee, mo... Gravity is the story of an astronaut who doesn't follow orders. The story of how crashing the simulator 100% of the time will still get you onto a space shuttle. The sexist story of how a woman is rescued by a man. The story of an astronaut who "hates space." The study of how everything apparently occupies the exact same orbit above the Earth, which is utterly ludicrous. The story of another Hollywood movie where people run away from fire balls down a hallway. The study of how in space, there is no sound except for that of the orchestrated musical score. The story of monster's closet dead body scares. The story of how you don't need to orient the spacecraft on reentry to avoid vaporizing: they apparently just fly themselves even when the circuit boards are on fire. Space junk alright.
Yeah I'm going to be one of those people. I don't understand why they couldn't have made a movie about a smarter woman who has the drive and cunning to survive. I guess dumb and luck is more interesting, than smart and driven. Gravity gets a 5/10 simply for the mighty filmmaking craft in the first half hour. After that, they ran out of money and we end up not with great space effects. No, it's back to three guys off screen rocking the camera around and endless rebirth symbolism that is anything but subtle.
There's a great tale in this material, but you would find it in the true story of the legendary cosmonaut Vladamir Komarov. His story won't offer the convenient ending you get in Gravity, but you do get a story of somebody fighting to survive in the most inhospitable place we know. But not here. Just like in real life, Gravity sucks.