There Is No Wind In Space

Rating: 1/10 (29 December 2013)

I finally got the chance to see Gravity the other night and I just wanted to share my thoughts on the movie and hopefully shed some light on the physics, CGI, plot and acting throughout.
The opening scene of the film, George Clooney's character, Matt Kowalski, is seen rapidly moving all over the ISS (International Space Station) un-tethered while suited in an MMU (Manned Maneuvering Unit). He begins to make formal talk with Sandra Bullock's character (Ryan Stone) and then proceeds to talk about a party he went to in Mardi Gras. Now, I'm not astronaut, but I highly doubt one would feel obligated to reflect on a night out on the town while on a space walk, un-tethered. Sanrda Bullock's character was nothing but a klutz. NASA would never have chosen her as a mission specialist given her unrelenting emotional behavior. She was constantly messing things up (mind you her character only had 6 months training) and constantly needed Clooney to help her out. Clooney was nothing but a smartass full of clichés and bad acting all around. It's almost as if his mind was still in the green screen room and not in space. He's an actor, he's been in many films. Acting would have been nice here.
All of the sudden, debris hits the robotic arm and spins Bullock out of control. She eventually gets flung off into space, at a rapid speed. There's one small problem here, that is impossible. NASA procedure during an EVA (Extra-vehicular Activity) requires the astronaut to have a SAFER, which is a small self-contained propulsive backpack system used in case of emergency only. If the astronaut would drift off, it provides free-flying mobility, adjusts roll, pitch and yaw, making possible for the astronaut to return to the spaceship safely. She didn't have one.
Lets talk a little about the physics in Gravity, shall we? At one point in the film, a chute opens on the capsule while in orbit and spreads all over the ISS causing a chain reaction of disaster. This is also impossible. The chute, in reality, would not have opened, It would have stayed in tact. You know why? There is NO WIND IN SPACE.
Sandra Bullock then begins to run out of Oxygen, and breathes on nothing but carbon dioxide for over 5 minutes. She would have been dead and the movie would have ended (which is what I was hoping). Sandra Bullock's character manages to get inside the ISS after releasing Clooney's character, who eventually dies. The were holding onto each others' hands, what invisible force pushed Clooney away from the rest of everything in that orbit? Oh yea, nothing did because there was no force. At all. After she gets inside the capsule, a fire starts and ignites on...nothing. It spreads as if the entire capsule was emerged in WD-40. This couldn't happen either, because OXYGEN IS NOT A FUEL HENCE IT IS NOT FLAMMABLE.
Bullock manages to get on the Chinese station, where she begins to read an instruction manual for re-entry the size of a DVD instruction booklet. Using only pictures. Thank God during her 6 months of training she manages to squeeze a little Soyez training in there as well. She is seen frantically pushing random buttons while actually saying out loud "eenie, meenie, miney, ...mo!". She is supposed to be a mission specialist, not a clumsy emotional nitwit with the brain capacity of a mentally retarded monkey with cerebral palsy. Then, over the radio, she hears the sound of someone talking, then the voice starts to play around with her and you can hear barking, so she starts howling and barking like a dog back at whoever was on the radio. She re-enters the atmosphere unfastened and barefoot. The re-entry capsule had a 60 second countdown. This is also false because almost everything during a EVA has an override in the event of a de-orbit emergency. Apparently not in Gravity.
So, lets talk about how this movie made almost $300,000,000 in a few months. Apparently there are either a lot of idiots out there or someone hacked the IMDb database and gave it high ratings. It's very sad to see such mediocrity being praised and tainting our collective unconscious with garbage. If you want to see a good space flick, I recommend 2001: A Space Odyssey and/or Apollo 13. 2001 came out in 1968 and it's still light years ahead of Gravity. The acting in Apollo 13 is as good as it gets. I happen to think Gravity is the worst movie ever made, of all time in any genre anywhere. I used to have Troll 2 reigning at the #1 spot for worst movie of all time, but I think I just made an exception with Gravity to take it over.
If you don't believe me, see it for yourself if you haven't already.
Thanks to nysalesman on IMDb for a really good review as well.