Endless shortcomings, universe isn't big enough for them all

Rating: 1/10 (5 November 2014)

It's been quite a while since I've seen this film, but I can't shake off the feeling that it was one of the worst I had the non-pleasure of watching. Never have I seen such pompously announced film so 'pompously' failing to deliver on pretty much every level - not that I expected much having seen who had been cast as the lead(s). Really, Sandra Bullock is a one trick pony - even in her comedic films I've always seen her as playing the same character over and over again, a somewhat misunderstood, clumsy, devil-may-care woman. So I wasn't convinced she could pull this off in the first place. But let me tell you how wrong I was - there was nothing in this film to pull off. Not even Meryl Streep would be able to. As vast as the universe is, as vast is the shallowness and, might I add, the utter stupidity (I rarely use this word, but really - if you have seen it or are going to, you'll see there's no other word that could describe it) of this piece of (f)art (oh, yes I went there!).
Other major character played by Clooney is oh so one dimensional that he could form a new pop sensation - One Dimension. It was like watching him in Ocean's Eleven in space. Maybe that wouldn't have been a bad idea - bunch of thieves and crooks in space trying to steal money from a spacecraft casino owned by their arch enemy - even that sounds more convincing and reality-based. But I digress.
In this film the story is ridiculous and certain to make you NOT root for the character(s). During watching you'll probably be asking yourself how in the world would this particular person make it to NASA's space program and furthermore, to space itself having admitted she crashed nearly every time while on the flight simulator. Oh yeah, if not clear, I am talking about Dr. Ryan. No knowledge of anything about EVA, but she somehow - with a little help from her friend in her DREAM and again by singing eeny, meeny, miny, moe manages to escape certain death whilst everything around her blows up and gets destroyed. I ain't no physicist but even I could see the oh so many inconsistencies between the film and physics. Let me just start by saying there is no sound in space but we do hear it when Dr. Ryan unstraps something (I do remember hearing it, I can't remember the particular scene though). I can only imagine the other wrongdoings committed to physics.
And oh my god, don't get me started on clichés. Really. Don't. This is every space film's storyline with a fatal mistake - no characters you'd care about, no character development and a lot of cliché dialogues/monologues written by someone with a mindset of a Cheesy Cheesyngson. One cliché in particular comes to mind when it comes to the soundtrack - hearing regular beats cut off by a sudden (pretty much expected) loud explosion, not my idea of originality.
And what can be said about Dr Ryan going all Bullocks, pardon me - b.o.llo.ck.s - about religion in her time of getting to grips with the certainty of her dying in space which she should have suffered through already considering she has been through so many explosions , she has inhaled a poisonous gas and so forth. And why not put her in a fetal position to symbolize rebirth (she's becoming a new person through this experience), that's smart, right? Well, eeny, meeny, miny, moe, I think I must tell you ''No!''.
Well, I guess you get the idea. I don't like Gravity. One star from me - a symbol of my suffering through this so called film. Not even for special effects - Earth ain't no Heidi Montag, no need to completely change its appearance. Okay, I'm out. With hope of enjoyment of good films as this one certainly wasn't.