If you know anything about space business, turn off brain before watching.

Rating: 1/10 (15 January 2014)

The reason I was disappointed is that I was given the impression that finally, after years of mediocre and silly space flicks, we were going to get a real space movie. A movie that was designed to make you think, and a movie that rises philosophical questions about what it is to be human in space (2001: A space masterpiece). In addition, I was given the impression that for once, the science and physics were going to be on target, even though a certain level of artistic license was to be expected. We got non of that. None. The plot is so thin and far fetched, right from the get go I was mildly annoyed about having to swallow the concept in order to enjoy the movie. The dialogue is so cheesy, unintelligent, cringe worthy and poorly written, it is reminiscent of what we were served in the utterly ridiculous film "Armageddon".
That's right: Despite all of its CGI glory, superb looking imagery, and attempts at creating the illusion of realism, at the end of the day "Gravity" is no less silly than "Armageddon". It certainly has the looks of a better movie, but it doesn't have the depth of a better movie. In fact, I'll take "Armageddon" over "Gravity" any day if only for the entertainment value of ridiculous cheese. The words uttered by the characters in this flick, are supposed to be those of astronauts - not your average truck driver. Maybe they should have made this a little bit clearer, cause they almost had me fooled. The astronauts portrayed in "Gravity" are in every respect as far from the real deal as you could possibly get.
The movie starts off with Dr. Ryan Stone - a suicidal medical engineer with six months of space training - working on the Hubble telescope(!). There. Let that sink in, cause the standard has now been set with regards to the level of realism one can expect for the remainder of this ridiculous space melodrama's running time. There is so much wrong with this film, I don't have the time or will to put my mind through every little detail one more time. As for scientific accuracy, sure, there are a lot of inaccuracies at play here. Countless, actually. But one scene in particular completely took me out of the experience: The Clooney exit - the most unnecessary death in a movie ever. When Kowaski and Stone finally get to the ISS, they bounce down the side until Stone gets her foot tangled in the backup Soyuz's parachute wires. Kowalsky is still connected to Stone by a tether, but he unclips himself to save her, and floats off into the void. At this point, the two astronauts' velocities relative to the ISS was zero - thanks to that parachute wire, they had really parked there. So literally all Stone had to do was tug Kowalsky over to her, and they both could have found a temporary safe house in the ship. In the movie we see Kowalsky completely nonsensically being pulled away by some mysterious force unknown to real life science. That scene is the equivalent of someone jumping off a cliff and falling upwards.
This is just one of the many, many annoyances that made gravity a mediocre watch. Oh, and the utterly pathetic attempts at emotionally manipulating the audience fell extremely flat and seemed to be directed toward a five year old. So they have a script that lacks everything, but figure throwing a dead kid into the mix will somehow make me forget that? Puke! I don't know what's wrong with all the critics who are apparently so easily duped. I'll end this on a positive note: "Gravity" does indeed contain some truly amazing special effects.﻿