Lame, one dimensional and silly

Rating: 2/10 (23 April 2011)

There are a large number of gushing reviews on here and it was enough to fool me into watching this film. I think they're written largely by Eastwood's many fans, in honour of his remarkable career, and not really for this film. This review is to plead with you not to watch it.
The plot is implausible. The characters are one dimensional, silly stereotypes. The dialogue is lame - no-one talks like that! - some hilarious one-liners but this was because the language was so poorly researched and unlikely. Oh, here's satirical character Ali G - oh no I'm sorry, that's supposed to be a serious character. The racial stereotyping is so superficial I felt like I was watching a script written by a nine-year-old. The continuity gaffs are relentless, blatant, almost wilful. The whole thing looked like a children's made-for-TV adventure, of the sort they show around 4pm on a weekday, but pepped-up with graphic violence and lots of blood.
Then there's the actors. We all love Eastwood and you have hundreds of reviews of just him, he's OK in this. But the rest - I think they happened to be hanging around in Burger King one day and got swept up in a big Eastwood fun bus to go in his movie. That priest - no Catholic or any other priest can be as dumb as that. He's a lost character from Father Ted, and I felt an overwhelming urge to punch him every time he came on screen. Everyone else mumbles through their lines as if in a school play, particularly Thao. Sue is the exception, a giddy fairy-girl fresh from Disneyland, gabbling over her long words, as if reading a card in a call-centre, attempting to sound sophisticated.
But by far the most painful was the indulgence in Themes. Like a particularly dire concept album, Gran Torino takes on every big theme going and blunders around loudly in it. Catholicism, forgiveness, sacrifice, confession? Yeah we can take that, simples! Racism, social division, cultural alienation, yeah we can handle that. Coming of age? No-one's ever made a film about that, let's do it! Isolation of the elderly and infirm, terminal illness? Overseas wars and the burden felt by veterans? Revenge? Death? None of these profound facets of life are too tough, or warrant more than the most superficial thought before Eastwood wades in and sorts it with some guns.
Oddly, the one topic the makers may have been able to handle, and which I was naively quite looking forward to - classic American cars - was left untouched. I learnt nothing about the GT, what it stands for, its cultural significance or even why they bothered to include it. The Fast and The Furious, for example, is intellectual by comparison. And 8 Mile taught me more about Detroit.
Also, not that this matters, but the DVD extras were really dumb. Some flimsy interviews with the cast and crew on the topic "aren't cars great?". *Two separate films* with the same people saying the same stuff. No thought whatsoever went into this. And the closing credits - Jamie Cullum co-writing with Eastwood - caps it all. Just don't do it. Go watch "Unforgiven" again, really, you should do that instead.
Maybe this film works if you're American - all I can tell is that I'm British, and it didn't work for me. I think you'd have to be a real die-hard Eastwood fan to enjoy it.