When will it end.

Rating: Null/10 (30 May 2016)

I began watching this film in 1956. It was a nice day and I thought I'd slump down on my old, dilapidated leather couch and watch a movie. Little did I know, the couch would quickly become more dilapidated than it ever had been. After the first two hours, I was enjoying myself, only stopping twice to crack one out to an glourious technicolour image of Clark Gable... ehum.. I mean Vivien Leigh. I was happy back then, but now I am just a shadow of my former self. A withering, smelly shadow.
A year passed before the first seizure. I lock every door in my house before watching any film to get that real cinema feel of urgently wanting to go and pee but the rules of etiquette not allowing me. I usually love the feeling of isolation it creates but not today... no-one came for me today. I convulsed for what felt like hours. I couldn't feel my arms but luckily my egg like figure allowed me to roll on to my stomach my mouth aloft perhaps six inches from the ground. This meant that I didn't choke on my own saliva but now I realise that perhaps that would have been the right move.
After a decade, I began to eat myself. My fat reserves had been completely depleted for use concentrating on this marvel of cinema. The process of self-consumption was easy at first but became progressing hard. Eating your feet is easy if you have the stomach for it and believe me I did but gnawing your erm... how you say... Mr. Bojangles is much difficult. in hindsight it was obvious that I had to eat my ribs first then my sausage. That challenge pales in comparison to the real difficulty though. I had wiled away the years eating my various body parts. I had eaten my legs, arms, stomach and chest and all that was left of me was my head. This is the hard part. After a moment's thought I knew what I had to do. I unhinged my jaw and spun it backward, consuming my own head like a dying Pacman. All of my material self was gone, only my spirit remained watching Gone With the Wind, a title I myself wish I could only achieve.
It never ends. When will it end?
When will it end?
1/10 Too short.