Don't even bother. Seriously.

Rating: 1/10 (19 September 2015)

I'm speechless--utterly without speech, therefore taking the time to WRITE my first movie review ever. Not so bad that I wasted 2 1/2 hours on this turkey (who hasn't done it before? and I'd probably have wasted it anyhow on something else), but that the critics' consensus is somehow so high for this POS film. I venture to guess that they're rationalizing the film in whole to be as good as certain segments; probably from subconscious fear of suffering the same letdown that the more objective viewers (i.e., myself) are, meaning they just CANNOT--DO NOT--WILL NOT--believe this movie could go from bad to good to great to bad to just plain terrible effing lousy so fast. I almost don't blame them: my head still wants to explode, and it's been over for half an hour. Good thing I stream. I'd be sooooo P.O.'d had I paid money to see this, but wouldn't have in the first place if damn Rotten Tomatoes hadn't steered me wrong.