Colossal waste of time

Rating: 3/10 (12 December 2014)

Gone Girl is one of the few movies I can recall that I completely hate. It is 2 hours and 39 minutes long, and felt even longer than that. Evidently it is based on a novel, so the director should have known what a load of bullshit he was dealing with from the onset. The movie begins as a police procedural complete with the "victim" voicing over flashback scenes showing the married couple's progression from young lovers to boring married people. The first 45 minutes play out like one of those Lifetime movies where it is obvious to everyone (even dumb males) that all men are assholes and deserve every bit of misfortune that comes their way. Around the 1 hour mark, the story takes a remarkably sharp turn and it seemed as though there was hope for it being a good movie. Instead, the movie devolves into a steaming pile of bullshit. Let's put it this way: I have seen soap operas with more realistic plot-lines.
Ben Affleck leads a cast that tries its best to trudge through the ridiculous screenplay. There are a few good scenes, but they are as hard to find as an honest man in Washington D.C.
This movie reminds me of that one person who comes over to your house for a party, makes everyone uncomfortable, then stays way past his/her welcome. Knowing now what a shitty movie this is, I would have been better off watching the grass grow for 2 hours and 39 minutes.
3 out of 10 stars because I am feeling generous. If this movie gets nominated for any award besides the Golden Raspberry, the nominating organization should be outlawed.