Going, Going, Gone

Rating: 3/10 (7 May 2015)

Man. Sssssiiiiggghhhh...... I was so excited to see Gone Girl. I'd seen the interviews on Jimmy Fallon. I'd read a few reviews that didn't contain spoilers. I was so ready for the ride. I suppose this should be the point where I let y'all know that I simply don't care for movies, television shows that contain gratuitous violence, sex, foul language, and/or violence perpetrated on children. I realize this severely limits my choices, but not really. The key word here is gratuitous. If the film could be done without it and still be as powerful, it's gratuitous. Gone Girl is the Prom Queen of Gratuity. Ben Affleck isn't my favorite actor, but I really appreciated his character and his performance. I do feel like we have seem this character so many times though. Uninvested husband, selfish, adulterous, and slimy. The character is unimaginative, but purposefully so. However, "Amazing Amy" is a character that has depth. The fact that her book series, written by her mother, was an actual toy in the early 90's was very distracting for me. I bought the original "Amazing Amy" doll for my almost 23 year old daughter for Christmas in 1996. My daughter's doll, thankfully, couldn't be any further from the character of Amy if she tried. But, it was a distracting point for new throughout the story. Amy and Nick, Nick and Amy. Throw in a twin for Nick (Margot) and an incredibly successful/wealthy sweet if patents for Amy, and the plot is even more boring. Boy from the wrong side of the tracks woos rich, troubled girl looking for a bad boy. But, again, deliberately so. Casting becomes surreal with characters that are supposed to emulate Nancy Grace and other criminal pundits that amass and swarm through any major criminal case in our social media these days. The actress was dead on, presenting the exaggerated persona of Nancy Grace to perfection. Sela Ward and Tyler Perry are bit players without any real issues or merit in the film and could have easily been portrayed by no name actors without taking anything away from the film. Neil Patrick Harris does his best at reprising his creepy fall side; seen for one if the first times in this season's installment of American Horror Story: Freak Show. Harris is creepy. But, again, deliberately so. In fact, the character was presented and portrayed without any real imagination or depth. Just a creepy dude with the hots for a crazy chick . The fact that he was naked, murdered while having sex, is really inconsequential. No one really cared because the man wasn't developed to be Anthony more than used. Murdered? Yeah, well, OK. He was creepy. The very much hyped storyline wasn't one that we've never seen before. Amy is a criminal mastermind. I had it pegged by the time she was "gone"...showing her methods and steps really wasn't all that imaginative either. She was written to be a psychopathic maniac. And she played it exactly as was written. Her lack of emotion was distracting for me. I know we were supposed to be lead by her good looks, her sexual prowess, and her wealth. I wasn't. Neither was my spouse. We were verbally pointing out mistakes made, every time, like...."she used the Punch and Judy mallet, the cops found it, her prints are all over it. He never touched it. Didn't they dust it for prints? And if they did, did they Luminol it too? Bloody fingerprints on the mallet would still show." Or,"what about the stupid wood shed? All those purchases hidden in Margot's shed. They ran the financial reports, thought he stashed it all there. Did they dust for prints there? No." And, one of my favorites, "There are cameras everywhere in the Lake House. But not in the master bedroom? Ummmm, no. We see the camera. We also see that Amy kills him with the box cutter. But there's no camera leading to or from the bathroom or in the bathroom? No camera leading from the kitchen where she obviously took the wine bottle and knife she used to rape herself with? " Plot holes a semi trick could drive through. And the wrapped Clear Blue Easy pregnancy test before the interview.....Ummmm, yeah, no. All pregnancy test sticks show positive if left long enough." This was supposed to be the "must see" movie. I bought into the hype. I was ready. We were ready. Our date night movie. The most fun was poking holes through the story. So, I guess there's that. Gone Girl. More appropriate title would have been "Snapped:The Movie"