Nothing Made Sense And Nothing Felt Real

Rating: 2/10 (26 April 2020)

Caught this on TV last night and I was like, is this a joke? Granted that the sight of Ben Affleck's silly face in any movie almost always sends me into peals of innocent laughter. But this time it wasn't just Ben's natural look of good-guy befuddlement. Nothing made sense and nothing felt real!
Rosamund Pike has less talent to ooze menace on the screen than any beautiful actress I have ever seen. Every time she's aiming of mysterious and dangerous she comes across as hypnotized and robotic. And those are the good moments! Her performance is so poor that by the end of the picture they're reduced to soaking her in fake blood just so that they can get some kind of reaction -- any kind of reaction -- from an audience that checked out long ago. Watch a movie like LAURA (1944) starring Gene Tierney and you'll see how a beautiful actress can actually play enigmatic and mysterious without sacrificing wit, charm, credibility and humanity.
This is the kind of movie where it's a waste of time to expect realism on any level, yet I have to say that the nasty lady detective had the worst, most grating southern accent I have ever heard. And that's even though the actual actress is from Alabama! Of course, the character's name is "Boney." So is that some sort of subtle hint that she's trying act like man? Or that she has a Napoleon complex?
So as I said, I looked up the actress, and realized I'd seen her in Sons of Anarchy -- and boy, is she much better on that show. If only Jax and the Sons could have "crashed" this movie! I would pay huge, huge bucks to see what Chibs and Tig would do to Ben Affleck's character, you know, like in the shower. That would be so much more rewarding than this mess!