This movie sent me back in time.

Rating: 2/10 (7 April 2008)

When you read a comment like that, you might think that the movie brought on feelings of nostalgia for me or took me back to a place and time of some significant meaning. If you did think that, then you're dead wrong because what I really meant is that this movie is so ridiculously bad and mind-numbingly stupid that I had to dumb myself down to the level of a 13-year-old on crack to actually enjoy it. You see, it was 11:30 at night on a Sunday and I had contemplated going back to Blockbuster and bitch-slapping the cashier for not warning me about the rotten garbage I was about to expose my eyes to, but I was too tired so I decided to make fun of every line in the movie instead. And if you judge it by that scale, it ranks up there with every Jean Claude Van Damme movie ever made.
I love Morgan Freeman and Ed Harris, but they gotta do something good now to redeem themselves.
Maybe if Casey "Same expression on his face at all times" Affleck could speak like a human and not a midget with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, the movie would have been a bit better. I mean, you can't understand one damn word he says in the whole movie. Annunciate, you're an actor! And what exactly was the point of even having Michelle Monaghan's character in the movie? They could of cut her out completely and the movie would have been a valuable 18 or so minutes shorter. Believe me, no one would notice.
One thing the movie didn't have a shortage of was one liners and stupendously ridiculous comments at every turn. If I closed my eyes and tilted my head just so, I could hear Stallone moaning "Yo Adrian" followed by Schwarzenneger stating "I'll be back!" But then I remembered, those were actually entertaining movies so I knew it was just my imagination playing tricks on me.
Bottom line: I would rather have a root canal with a jackhammer while a diseased rat gnaws on my rectum than have to sit through this piece again. Good riddance.