Oh, How I Wanted to Love it

Rating: 6/10 (7 August 2014)

One night, when I was five years old, my dad came home from the video store with a copy of "Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster" on VHS. I watched it that night, and countless more times throughout my life. It sparked what would become a lifelong obsession with Godzilla, and other monster movies. For years, I was teased for liking these kinds of movies, and I didn't have anyone to share my love for them with. When I was sitting in my seat to watch this film on opening night, a theatre attendant informed the audience that the screening was completely sold out, so everyone had to move as far into the row as possible. I heard everyone talking about how excited they were for the movie, and I thought back to my childhood. If only my younger self could see this moment, being in a sold-out theatre, about to see a new Godzilla movie, being surrounded by a bunch of people who seemed genuinely excited about seeing The King of the Monsters on the big screen.
The Warner Bros. logo popped up, as a wonderful piece of eerie music set the tone that all Godzilla fans had been looking for since the 1998 abomination. 2 hours later, I walked out of the theatre, and I'm not lying when I say this: it was the most disappointing experience I've ever had in a movie theatre.
Now, you see that I've given the film a rating of 6/10. That's pretty decent for something that's supposedly "the most disappointing movie theatre experience of my life". That's because this wasn't necessarily a bad film, but I went in, and I think everyone went in, expecting a great movie. The hype train carried my expectations to a place where the film couldn't possibly go. The posters, the trailers (seriously, whoever did the trailers for the film deserves an Oscar), the interviews with the cast and filmmakers, it was all perfect. Legendary Pictures was hitting "the G spot" with hardcore fans and general moviegoers alike. I walked in, fully expecting some disappointments, but the final product could be described as a total disappointment.
Honestly, if I wasn't so emotionally attached to the Godzilla franchise, I'd probably say that this movie was terrible. Personal nostalgia and hope for the future of Godzilla films is the main driving force behind my 6/10 rating. Unlike most Godzilla fan-boys, I don't get mad at critics who give this film negative reviews, because for the most part, they have very valid criticisms. I also don't get mad at fans who say they loved the movie, as long as they acknowledge its flaws. What I can't stand is the army of moronic Godzilla fan-boys all over the internet who praise this film as some kind of masterpiece. These "fans" have said that I'm not a REAL Godzilla fan because I don't blindly worship Gareth Edwards and the film he made. Well, to all idiotic fan-boys, I AM a real Godzilla fan, and I thought Godzilla deserved to be in a far better movie. If anything, YOU'RE not the real Godzilla fan, because you're actually settling for this heap of radioactive garbage.
So what made the film so disappointing? Well, IMDb has a 1000-word limit for reviews, and I could seriously write a novel with all of the issues I had with the film, so I'll stick to the main points.
Right off the bat, you have Dave Callaham writing the first draft of the script, and was ultimately given a "story" credit. This genius was the screenwriter behind the cerebral masterpiece that was 2005's "Doom". From there, a slew of other writers, including David S. Goyer, Max Borenstein and Drew Pearce all had their hand in Godzilla's atomic cookie jar.Finally, Frank Darabont was brought in to do a bit of work on the script right before shooting began. This amalgam of writers shows why the film's plot felt so disjointed and uninspired.
What bothers me more than anything about this movie is that it was being promoted as this amazing drama with a human-driven story. Well, yeah it's a human-driven story, but just SHOWING humans on the screen doesn't mean that the audience is going to automatically emotionally attach to them. The characters aren't given any valuable screen time to develop. This is criminal when you consider the unbelievably talented cast that they managed to rope into a Godzilla movie. Acclaimed actors across the board, that are completely wasted. I seriously think that Sally Hawkins' character was created solely because Legendary wanted another female character in the movie, because they realized that Olsen and Binoche had like 5 minutes of total screen time between them. So they just gave Hawkins a handful of Ken Watanabe's lines, and they serve as blatant exposition.
Everyone says that Edwards made the movie like "Jaws" or "Alien", as it has a slow-burn and the film builds up until you finally see the titular monster. Well, this is no "Jaws" or "Alien". Those films developed their characters so the audience cared about them. Plus, those films made sure that just because you can't SEE the monster, that doesn't mean that the audience doesn't feel its presence.
Let me ask a question that even the most casual movie fan could probably answer correctly: What happens in the first scene of "Jaws"?
Answer: The shark attacks. Its presence is instantly established.
The biggest complaint with the film, and it isn't unwarranted, is that Godzilla himself is severely underused. A good human story with decent characters that we cared about could have made this movie great. Or, focusing on Godzilla, instead of the boring humans and the uninspired MUTO, would have also made for a great movie. But this film simply didn't tap into its full potential.
On the plus-side, that fight scene was freakin' awesome.