Are you kidding me?

Rating: 2/10 (17 May 2014)

So, I should start by saying, I went to this move not expecting a lot. My husband wanted to see it, however, so off we go.. Dear Lord, I think I'm going to find the sappiest chic flick available (even if its torturous for me to sit through) just to get payback for him making me sit through 2 hours of this crap. At least the popcorn was good!!
I liked Godzilla himself.. But, I think out of the entire 123 minutes, you see him only 20 minutes, maybe? And most of that is just watching his spiky back in the water as he swims. The rest of this movie is watching the main actor, who, in my opinion, has about as much acting depth as Kristen Stewart, look like a total tool. The shining grace, I thought, was that this movie had Ken Watanabe in it. I like Watanabe but even he looked like he was suffering from a bad case of the Taco Bell revenge and couldn't find a bathroom for the entire movie.
I spent the majority of this movie picking out dumb stuff that just amounts to bad writing. Example: Okay, the two bad monsters (which, in my opinion resemble a cross between those white strider things that the muppets ride in "The Dark Crystal" with a bit of "Aliens" thrown in to make them somewhat scary?) have the ability of creating EMPs, killing all electronics and causing aircraft to fall out of the sky.. We learn this early on in the movie, probably in the first 30 minutes. Think the military learns their lesson?? Nope, lets continuously throw about 600 billion dollars worth of F-35s and Battleships in the mix just so we can have it continuously plummet into the water. Another example: They know these muppet hybrids like to eat Radioactive materials and I guess can smell it. And hey, there's one making its way from Vegas to San Fransisco. So lets strap a huge bomb on a train and slowly move it from Vegas to San Fransisco along the same exact path that the critter is going. What kinda harm could that cause? Its not like the thing would smell it on the train and come after it, right? And why is it, the military storms into a radioactive storage facility but has no clue that an entire half of mountain has just been blasted out by muppet hybrid #2 (who's much bigger than #1) and this 30 story tall critter is somehow making its way towards Vegas completely undetected?
And while we're on the subject of the bomb, what the heck is up with the "breeding" of the two muppet hybrids anyway?? You got a male, you got a female (complete with some glowy bulging egg sac thing that they give us a really good closeup of.. They meet up to reproduce.. which involves the male giving the female the long, phallic shaped, radioactive bomb which she then rubs between her legs all over this glowy egg sac.. WtF?? How the heck did these things breed before mankind started making huge phallic shaped missiles anyway?
Oh..Did I mention the acting was bad?? I don't recall liking ANY of the characters, with exception to the dad (played by Bryan Cranston) and he dies within the first 20 minutes of the movie. There are characters that seem to have no purpose whatsoever besides trying to find a way to fill a 2 hour movie with irrelevant fluff. Lil Asian boy on the elevated train in Hawaii? Didn't see any point to him.. The main characters wife and little boy?? Added nothing to the story to be honest. (And what military wife who knows her husband is in danger isn't waiting by the phone for news? Nope, phones ringing and she's doing whatever.. Or tells her co-worker she's unavailable?) The acting had no depth to it, everyone came off very flat and honestly, unlikable. There's no emotion whatsoever. Hey, a couple of muppet hybrids are destroying our city, oh well. A huge Godzilla is barreling towards our aircraft carrier? Don't panic.. lets stand at the guardrail and watch it peacefully because any emotion such as fear would be too much to ask.
Pretty sad when the most exciting thing about this movie is a bird hitting the bus window.. Although, to be honest, the CGI on the actual fight between Godzilla and the muppet hybrids was nice, the whole 5 minutes it lasted. Then, Godzilla jumps in the water and the credits roll. Best part of the whole movie.. Compared to the other 121 minutes of this movie, the credits are the best 2 minutes overall.