Three Dimensional Monsters. One Dimensional Humans

Rating: 5/10 (23 May 2014)

First off, the ten star reviews are completely out of hand and I would take any of them with a grain of salt. Godzilla a perfect movie? Stop. Just stop.
For all the attention and detail paid to the monsters in this film, (oh, and Godzilla is big, bad and beautiful), the focus on making the humans believable is so dull and blurry it has the effect of making you feel drugged. Unpleasantly, hospitalized drugged. Even the strongest performance in the film, courtesy of Bryan Cranston, of course, is pretty much one emotion, angrily maudlin. And once the semi-relatable anchor of this performance is pulled up, way too early, this ship sinks faster than a tugboat in a MUTO's wake. Our lead is boring and unremarkable and when he puts on a military uniform he blends into the background, indistinguishable from the other soldiers who barely speak. And Ken Watanabe's scientist stumbles, mumbles and stares into space offering up barely there advice that isn't heeded by anyone and who can blame them? He seems drunk.
Director Edwards may have wanted to take his eyes off the storyboards and CGI rendering Macs for just a second to go over the actual script a little more. Clunky dialogue, leaps in logic and plot holes you could pilot an Akula through bring new meaning to incoherent. There are so many head-scratchers in this my scalp was raw. My favorite, being a resident of the Bay Area, is when it's pouring apocalyptic rain in San Francisco, Oakland is somehow bright and sunny. Now, I know we have some micro-climates here but, really? The 5 stars come from the monsters themselves. While the MUTOs are sort of unimaginative, a cross between the Cloverfield monster and the bugs from Starship Troopers, they are damn believable and have weight and presence on screen. Godzilla is incredible and a sight to behold when the cameras aren't constantly cutting away.
This was a real wasted opportunity and I am disheartened to learn that Edwards is helming one of the Star Wars films as I was hoping that series was going to bring back the attention to characters. Sadly, it seems not.