Yet another lifeless remake

Rating: 3/10 (16 May 2014)

It's been awhile since I had the urge to review a film, but after seeing the preview for the latest Godzilla film, I feel it's my civic duty to offer my less-than stellar opinion.
Any fan of Godzilla films will immediately notice that the spirit of the films didn't simply lie in the campy or satirical nature of the movies. It wasn't always about the guys in monster suits or ridiculous English overdubs that these films were memorable for. Ultimately Godzilla was a modern day metaphor for the dangers of nuclear power - and the consequences of mankind's hubris in the face of mother nature.
While this film removes some of the bad taste from 1998's lizard fest remake - the movie makes some of the same mistakes that doomed the previous film 16 years ago.
First of all - the failure to coherently tie-in the nuclear allegory literally kills the film from the get go. The audience is treated to a vague flashback to a Fukushima-like event which sparks a series of events that ultimately leads Joe Brody (Brian Cranston) to set off on his own personal quest to find answers to these mysterious questions that had huge ramifications on his own family as well. The problem here - despite some interesting references to the "truth" behind a series of Eisenhower-era atomic tests in the Pacfic - over time, there never really is any clear link between the nuclear story and the evolution of Godzilla and other similar monsters.
Unfortunately it's up to Dr. Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) and his sidekick, Dr. Graham (Sally Hawkins - in a totally wasted performance on the heels of her excellent run on Blue Jasmine) to provide viewers with equally vague explanations of what's really happening as these monsters start appearing out of nowhere (despite decades of government cover ups and nobody noticing for 60 years). Yes - most of the movie is just as illogical.
In the end - we're treated to hours of human interaction that is poorly developed. Audiences are introduced to an endless series of new characters such as Joe's son, Ford Brody (Aaron Taylor-Johnson - in a performance that was as vague and boring as most of the film), his wife Elle (Elizabeth Olsen - looking completely most of the time) and Admiral Stenz (David Strathairn - clearly just collecting a paycheck) - and yet it's hard to care about any of them. All this because any time we get a glimpse of their motivations, the movie swings to the next ludicrous crisis and the actors are left to fill brain dead roles in yet another Hollywood disaster movie.
The biggest failure here beyond all that was simply the fact that for a film billed as a Godzilla movie - the legendary monster actually isn't in the film for a good deal of time. Even the final marquee battle (that was well shot) feels laborious, partially because at this point audiences are so exhausted by the confusing and lackluster human element stories that they just want to get the movie over with. Rarely do you watch a monster movie and wish that the beasts quickly destroy whatever city they are in so we can all rush out the door.
In the end this film can't decide if it wants to be a 21st century summer blockbuster, a cautionary tale of nuclear energy, a B-movie aimed at pleasing fans, or simply a special effects demolition derby. One thing is for sure - the lack of character development, reliance on poorly developed human stories that seem insignificant in the face of monumental disasters and the lack of Godzilla for most of the film makes this yet another poor rehash that's destined for obscurity as soon as the next 2014 summer blockbuster is released a week later (X-Men)