A Godzilla sized turd

Rating: 2/10 (20 May 2014)

I've never really understood the point of Godzilla movies. It's just such a dumb idea. A giant monster lizard thing that lives in the sea and fights other monsters and is somehow a warning about nuclear weapons? Right. I guess a 9 year old might be interested, but even when I was 9 I couldn't see the point.
Anyway I went to this because of some good reviews and I had a couple of hours to kill.
Well the film is a giant Godzilla sized turd.
Here's what you need to know:
1. Script is appalling. What is wrong with Hollywood scriptwriters? The writers should be ashamed of themselves. The film is full of almost every clichéd line and trope you can think of: "mommy mommy I love you", "there are civilians on the bridge!", "daddy don't die!".
2. Acting is beyond bad. These actors are paid millions to ponce about in front of the cameras for a few hours once or twice a year while the rest of us have to work our asses off. So you'd expect these overpaid professionals might actually do some acting, but no, they don't. The lead guy is totally forgettable. The usual silent tough guy who has to save his family. I was rooting for Godzilla to sit on him.
3. As usual it is America that is being attacked because in these kinds of films, America Is The Most Important Country in the World and the rest of the world can go to hell but we gotta save South Central LA or wherever.
4. The parasite things are lifted straight from Starship Troopers.
5. I'm not sure if anyone said at one point "ok people let's do this", or "lock and load people", but they probably did.
6. There is no tension at all. Zero. Mainly because I had no interest in any of the characters. The only character I cared about was the dog running from the Tsunami. God I hope that dog made it.
7. They hot wire a boat. Seriously.
8. There's a scene with kids on a school bus stuck on a bridge. Are you kidding me?
9. There's a scene where they use music from the film 2001. It's just pretentious, and this film is definitely not 2001.
10. The hero saves the day single handedly as usual, although unfortunately not by defusing the bomb with only 1 second left, or by clipping the red wire (or is it the blue one?!) while drops of sweat trickle down his macho brow.
For a while now I've felt that Hollywood has run out of ideas. This film confirms that.