Fair Vote for a Fair Movie

Rating: 6/10 (20 May 2014)

Let's begin with my biography, which appears to be mandatory for rating any Godzilla movie. Love Godzilla. Now I have cred.
(1) The opening buildup was fantastic, and the death scene of scientists trapped beneath the crumbling nuclear facility was crushing. So... why all of a sudden am I 15 years in the future when I have invested so much emotion into that little family from 1999? I now have to begin all over again getting to know new characters. Within 5 minutes I hate them. Young Ford was worthwhile, adult Ford is a chiseled dummy. His wife is so damn cute and that is a problem, because I know where this is leading, that she is the bestest in the whooooole world. And she is. And that is not the world we live in. And I am not willing to suspend disbelief and invest myself into that single-dimension female, just so I can be manipulated by her perfect nose!
(2) Godzilla comes to our attention in this movie with too much fake mystery. There is a false sense of wonder about a creature we obviously know and love for 60 years. OK, the "reveal" is important. But this one is not spectacular. This Godzilla is somewhere between a big fat oaf and a steroid-filled athlete, like Mark McGwire's forearms. He's formidable, don't get me wrong, just overstuffed.
There is also an issue with Godzilla's origin, which seems far too fluffy, to the point where Hiroshima is but a sidebar. Let's face it, it's 2014, and today's audience does not have the same perspective on 1945 that audiences did in 1954, 1964, 1974, 1984, and so forth. More exposition was necessary.
(3) As one reviewer pointed out, there are umpteen plot holes, stupid plot devices, inconsistencies, scientific protocol errors, film continuity misses, and so forth. Where does one begin? Let's take the bridge scene. Really? Firing towards monsters while the bridge is filled with military personnel and civilians? Really? A bus driver maniacally running down cops and soldiers without being shot at? Really? The bus is blocked by a giant piece of bridge which is magically gone the next shot?
(4) These MUTO's are straight from Cloverfield, with a bit more characterization, mostly boring. Most Godzilla monsters are cool, these are sterile. The EMP-causing gimmick wore thin, was unbelievable, was badly carried out by the director of the film, and was circumvented by errors in continuity. My biggest issue was the egg-sac being dragged around on the female's rear end. In one scene, the egg-sac was displayed so that Ford could've simply shot it out and ended that menace. But I guess we needed to save the eggs for the "suspenseful" sequence where Ford "heroically" sets fire to the eggs with a "convenient" gasoline source. Cut-rate Aliens.
(5) I liked the Godzilla fight scenes but, honestly, they lacked depth. The 1990's Godzilla movies are famous for entire-city miniature sets being destroyed by rubber-suited Godzilla vs. cool nemesis. Those scenes rock, even though you can tell they're fake. This movie aspired to realism, in some degree, yet was ultimately stymied on how to improve on the rubber suit, even with CGI. It's a close call but I don't agree that this Godzilla was particularly amazing. He was fairly clumsy, pretty lucky, and not a good fighter. His laser breath was good, but, as with most Godzilla movies, why didn't he just use that breath earlier and end it? The CGI was, honestly, not THAT impressive, and Godzilla's roar was not authentic, nor particularly stimulating or scary, just typically hysterical for our age of imitation.
(6) I think Ford's son was so much dead weight, almost a mental cripple. I don't think he said one word in the film, because even his "mommy" was yelled off-camera. Maybe I'm wrong about that one detail but wow, I really hated that kid.
Speaking of kids, what was the purpose of the separated Japanese child in the subway? To show Ford's bravery? And that grabbing scene is straight out of Aliens.
(7) I've seen Prometheus several times, mostly because I like it as a train wreck of acting, plot, dialogue, and etc. This film is not even half as bad as Prometheus, and therefore must impress me otherwise. In that respect, I would watch this Godzilla because it's Godzilla, and for Elizabeth Olsen's pert nose. Maybe on TV it will translate better.
Cloverfield and Pacific Rim were sold 8-9 in my book. This film is a 6, maybe even a 7 if you are very forgiving of senselessness and illogical situations.