Directed by a 3 yr old

Rating: 3/10 (24 May 2014)

Gareth Edwards? Who's that? Is what you'll be hearing in two or three years time, hopefully. It's hard to do, but Godzilla is a summer blockbuster that is even worse, and even more of a disappointment than Man of Steel. The direction throughout was that of a man who'd seen other films and 'tried to do THAT'. He failed. As soon as I saw Juliette Binoche put on the radiation suit, I thought to myself 'so this is where the father and son will be getting their motivation for the movie'. Fast forward 15 years and this *was* exactly where Walter White got his motivation... until he was far too prematurely written out of the script. They got rid of the only good thing about the film! But they didn't even give him a memorable death. They just fizzled him out. No pathos. No emotion. All we got was a very indifferent: "Dad's gone" on an emotionless voice-mail sign off. And now we come to the worst element in the film: Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Aaron Taylor-Johnson who, for some strange reason I'm sure only known to himself, decided to do an acting impersonation of another none-entity actor: 'Milo Ventimiglia'. Compare their acting style. You'll see I'm right. I didn't know that Aaron Taylor-Johnson couldn't act before this film... but now I do. Previously, I'd just seen him turn up for Kick-Ass and do some acting in front of a camera... I think. Here though- and I have no idea why he chose Milo Ventimiglia as his acting inspiration- he manages to go through the whole film without once troubling his emotion chip. He was awful. One tone the whole way through, regardless of the situation. You see your dad- no emotion. You see a gigantic monster- no emotion. Your wife is in peril- NO EMOTION! Speaking of his wife, Elizabeth Olsen was good (for the limited time she was on the screen). The kid was completely superfluous to the script. Bryan Cranston, as brilliant and talented as he is, seemed to come straight from the set of Breaking Bad carrying on his portrayal of Walter White. He's a magnetic screen presence though and as soon as the camera went away from him, you just wanted it to get back as soon as possible (especially when it cut away to scenes of the bulked up Milo Taylor- Johnson). But even he- EVEN HE- was a disappointment. He was just Walter White. Again. Determined, driven and not averse to breaking the rules. The monsters were good (I suppose): The Cloverfields were all right. The Godzilla was okay. It was incredibly frustrating though when we find out that thermonuclear blasts don't kill the life-forms (pretty early on in the film), and yet the soldiers carry on firing guns at them. Why? I mean- why? As for the film, there were more clichÃ©s than a Stephanie Meyer novel, which I found incredibly exasperating. We could see what was coming way before the director did, it seemed. Subway train comes off tracks; splits open at the end; dangles precariously; screaming passengers slide out; Milo Ventimiglia stops himself from falling; but what's this? There's also a lost child he's been protecting somewhere in the carriage? Oh no, there he is- he's sliding down and--- yep, Milo has caught him. Phew! About a minute before this though, one of the Cloverfields turned up causing the carriage full of fleeing citizens to go absolutely nuts. All apart from Aaron Taylor-Miglia. He looks at the gigantic behemoth and, well, just sort of looks at it. "And cut. Thanks for the great acting... how much did we pay him, again?" I found it frustrating that as soon as the action started with the monsters, the director cut away to something mundane. No! Don't cut away! We want to see some action! The multi-skydive scene was Reign of Fire accompanied by the eerie, insistent choir song from 2001: A Space Odyssey. So, to sum up: Juliette Binoche- obvious outcome. Bryan Cranston- not enough (but too much Walter White already). Milo Ventimiglia- "paging Milo Ventimiglia!" Elizabeth Olsen- not enough. Kid- please return to dressing room. You're not needed. David Strathairn- why did they do that big reveal at the beginning? It's only David Strathairn. Ken Watanabe- Believable. Ken Watanabe's assistant- 'not' believable. Then, at the end, why do they cry about Godzilla? Yes, he killed the Cloverfields, but he still probably crushed hundreds, if not thousands of innocent people. And who's to say he won't be back when he gets a rumble in his tummy? And if I hear the words 'It is man's arrogance...' one more time, I swear I'm going to resort to violence. In conclusion- I was so, so let down. This could've been so much more. But it wasn't. It was just rubbish.