A laundry day wasted.

Rating: 2/10 (18 May 2014)

I meant to stay home to do laundry and clip my toe nails. Compared to this movie, that would have been a click-my-heels day filled with delight and wonder. And, I would've been 10 bucks richer. After watching this disappointing, would-be flick, i had to go to confession and ask for forgiveness for being, yet again, a gullible, wasteful consumer. I said two hail Mary's and watched Pacific Rim.
Where to begin..Godzilla 98 gets a bad rap...for what? Many of those reviews amounted to pretentious, unsubstantiated horse Shiite. That movie towers over this one like a KaiJu crapping on the naive, hapless rabble that see this movie.
Do not be taken in by the shills who are paid to fill these pages with paid, pseudo-positive reviews. The financiers, Et Al, of this multi-million dollar mess have a band of callused-fingered monkeys hard at work trying to convince you to throw away your hard-earned dollars on this remake.
I was concerned this would be a snooze fest from the get-go. Suspicion confirmed when the director kills off his only other main asset, besides the g-man, within the first 15 Min's. i e, Bryan Cranston. Way to go. I would've blamed the writers for that genius decision but the director controls the story -and, the lifespan of the actors.
Pop Quiz : What's worse than a b-movie starring a guy in a giant lizard suit? Answer : A $160 million dollar flick starring a cgi-guy in a lizard suit.
What gives? A director with cutting-edge technology and a Jillian dollars at his disposal thinks it's about time we get a cgi equivalent of a man in rubber monster costume. And, to add insult to injury, they made him look like an everest-sized couch potato. Yet, another example of how the makers of Godzilla '98 got it right. They gave us a mean, lean intelligent monster. Now, that was a movie designed to entertain. That freak was like the ultimate-fighting Godzilla, running circles around the brainless American military.
This godzilla, apparently, was awakend from a beer-drinking, donut-eating binge due to an A-bomb that woke him up and made him look for a job. Namely, clocking two low-tech tarantulas with an over-stimulated pituitary gland. They probably woke him up from his nap so he decided to have at it with them and do a quick beer-run while he was up.
They could've named this flick, "The Monster Beer Gut that Belched on Las Vegas".
This movie had very little action. What-the-EF? This is not suppose to be a hallmark channel movie. It's a friggin' monster movie!! Hello! The key word in that sentence? Monster! Where was he? They got the g-man hiding out for the majority of the movie! And, when they finally decide to grace us with his presence it's only for a few minutes. Mind-boggling. I recommend you watch Pacific Rim and Godzilla '98 for some solid monster entertainment.
Don't even ask me about the transparent plot. Wait. Did i say plot? I meant filler material. We've all seen this many times before. Predictable story line, executed by over-used or under-used performers. Take your pick. Hero has a beef with parent/child/love-interest. Then, comes around after it's too late, only to save the day. Ever watch an adult flick with a 90 min build up to a 10 second money shot. Bingo. Only I'm still waiting for the payoff.
A person can take just so much of a hand-wringing scientist or a whimpering, clingy wife etc. If you've seen the trailer you've seen too much. This flick belongs on the Saturday morning line-up for 4-year-olds. It's that dull.
Tip of the Day : Go to the theater. Watch a nice, enjoyable movie. Then, during a bathroom break, sneak over to catch the last few minutes of Godzilla. That way, you've seen the whole movie, you've only wasted 5 Min's of your life -and, it's free.