I like Swiss cheese on my sandwiches, not the plots of my movies.

Rating: 1/10 (19 June 2014)

OK. I pretty much made this entire account because of how disappointing this movie was, because I was pretty excited to see this iconic beast brought to life. Anyone who thinks this movie was good, is suffering from a serious case of nostalgia "I wish it was like it was back in those days" syndrome. Yeah, movies have progressed(just like everything else)and you just expect better than the terrible, terrible vacuum this movie leaves in storyline telling. (And keep in mind this movie tried very hard to be realistic).
Starting from the beginning: Scientist dude/meth dealer is told his son spent time making him his "sign"-which was for his birthday. Says it'll be OK. Within the same scene-acts surprised that its his bloody birthday(and not in a joking way).
First muto "nest" finding-its explained that the creatures(which a 5 year old obviously came up with)are "parasites" that "killed" another prehistoric creature(possibly a cousin of Godzilla which would explain why he's so p-id). Yet for the rest of the movie, they act as sexually reproducing, radiation eating, giant f insects.
Dog on island is shown to be tied to tree barking-next scene is happily running away from giant monster insect/arachnoid whatever the f.
It is also explained that Godzilla is "Hunting" these insects. Uhhh...to what end? He eats radiation I thought...Then he does finally get his snack-killing 1st insect, but instead of gorging himself silly like any natural predator would following a long-a chase and fight-he completely ignores it. Then kills the 2nd one and ignores that too. Then comes back to life and happily ignores all the little bipeds that have been shooting at him to go back into the sea-still not having eaten. I wonder if his poop glows radioactive....
U.S. military is portrayed to be mentally challenged: firing from a rooftop with civilians drawing attention to civvies, moving giant nuclear missiles over land instead of firing an Icbm(wouldn't let me do caps?)into the Pacific Ocean, running billion dollar jets(repeatedly)into creatures known to emit Emps, never using the big guns and missiles from the distance they are supposed to be used at, missing a giant f creature breaking out the back of a nuclear repository site(which somehow missed that same giant creature gestating in there for god knows how long), lining up tanks on the Golden Gate Bridge, and employing that main actor dude(who mainly sucks just on the fact that he is a terrible actor).
Acting-well what acting. All of the characters and their interactions were one dimensional(cliché scenes with absolutely no build up, relationships completely unemotional and not engaging)-in fact I kept hoping all of the main characters would die, they were that annoying. Honestly if all the characters had died, making some sort of epic "sacrifice" it would've made for somewhat of an emotional movie-if only for the satisfaction of seeing annoying, bad characters come to a sticky end-preferably in the atomic mouth of a giant lizard. Even that Japanese dude(who is generally a pretty good actor)was stuck with a canned character with canned lines and looked like he had a major case of tuna constipation.
When the action scenes came around-they started with wide lens on monster, start of fight between monsters-end. There was like 3 fights in there-and you got to see maybe a tenth of what "happened". Obviously done to save money on those costly CGI sections. Godzilla was a 2ndary character with about 20 min of footage in his own movie...if I was him I'd get better agents.
This sucked so bad I felt the need to write the first movie review I have ever written in my life. I have just spent 20 min of my life writing this down. Wow this movie sucked. And now you know that I know that it sucked. I had to re-edit this 5 times due to "prohibited words". ffs.