pseudoscience and psychological mishmash

Rating: 3/10 (6 July 2014)

I invested nearly an hour of my life--which I can never recover--in this trash. Mind you, I'm quite the monster movie fan, having watched to death even the little-seen ones such as "Majin, Monster of Terror" and "War of the Gargantuas," but this was purely awful.
It started with abject nonsense. We see nuclear explosions on the Pacific in the 1950s, aimed at vaguely monstrous shapes. Cut to the Philippines in 1999, where we see a mine that has collapsed and gives us vague hints of super-sized fossils and (scientifically inconsistent) "radiation that just doubled." Move along to Japan, where a nuclear plant collapses for no reason and there's some babble about echolocation and electromagnetic pulses (EMP) and seismic waveforms and what-not. (It's funny how the supposed sonograms didn't even show functions of time, but relations {to the mathematician}, being multi-valued per instant of time.) Suddenly, it's fifteen years later and we're in San Francisco. Some military jock (with a drop-dead gorgeous wife and two you-wanna-squeeze-them-to-death-adorable little boys) gets a call about his father having been arrested in Japan. It seems dad--the eccentric who hung around after the nuclear station was destroyed--likes to climb around old ruins and look for "cover-ups" and "secret projects" and such, although we are given ZERO CLUE what these cover-ups might cover or what secrets these secret projects might hold. Dad goes fishing for his collection of ZIP drives and, of course, police are Johnny-on-the-spot (in an abandoned city, where wood lice climb all over the place and feral dogs roam the streets in packs) to pick up Daddy-San and Sonny Boy. Oh, did I forget to mention, Dad is an expert in all things scientific, because (a) he lives in a what looks like Samuel T. Cogley's (of ST:TOS fame) library and (b) has books scattered here and there with impressive-to-the-layman titles on their spines such as "Chemistry," "Physics," and "Echolocation." (Funny, but I studied a great deal of both chemistry and physics, and I've yet to encounter a professional text named either of those.) Before long, Dad and son are transported under heavy guard to some secret site where some I'm-not-sure-what-it-is is being subjected to electric pulses but someone "comes alive," putting out sonograms that "look exactly like" what was seen in the '50s and again in '99. Suddenly, after the order, "kill it" (excuse me, but, kill WHAT?), some goofy-looking creature that looks like it was borrowed from Cloverfield but suffered some shipping accidents en route appears, and we are confronted with blackouts and frenetic people running to and fro.
After a bit more pseudoscience and psychobabble, I lost my remaining patience and stalked out of the theater. Oh, well, it only cost me $1 at my community theater in my lovely south Florida retirement community . . .