USE YOUR MIND, NOT YOUR GLANDS: WATCH "I, CLAUDIUS" INSTEAD!

Rating: 1/10 (1 December 2000)

The biggest single indictment of this disatrous excuse for an epic is that the one truly great actor in the movie, Derek Jacobi, is (like Richard Harris and Oliver Reed) brought in to bring a whiff of authentic class (to hide the other whiffs), and, like the others, is quickly snuffed. Jacobi, of course, was the absolutely brilliant star of the probably the greatest Roman epic ever, I, CLAUDIUS. That scintillating 13-hour classic doesn't have a single boring or predictable moment (unlike this mess) and is all characterization and plotting, not spectacle, the exact opposite of this movie, which uses character stereotypes and a ludicrous storyline that wouldn't pass the cartoon test. Half the acting is Russell Crowe swearing revenge and grimacing as he flexes his pectorals. Even the spectacle here is MUDDY and BLOODY. If you want to be like the Romans and enjoy the sight of people being disemboweled and torn limb from limb, then by all means check this out. But, please, watch one of the classics instead and you'll quickly dump this pretender.