Ridley, Ridley, what have you done?

Rating: 1/10 (12 June 2000)

This movie is one of the worst I've ever been forced to watch. I mean, I came out of the cinema and wondered why the sun wasn't already up. I thought it must have been at least 8 hours long. It's just so BORING! When you think about it, what happens in this movie? Tough guy kills some dudes. Tough guy talks about honour with old guy. Mean guy kills old guy. Tough guy kills some other dudes. Mean guy talks about honor with girl. Tough guy weeps for his family. Tough guy talks about honor with black guy, then kills some dudes. (Repeat last three lines until bored, and then some more). If they would have just stuck to the killing part, then it would have been a mediocre action film. But no, they had to add "depth" (=lots of "philosophical" (=clicheed) truisms, with about 30 seconds of pauses/reaction shots between sentences). Actually, the screenwriter packed the script with so many clichees he actually only missed one: Flavius (the nephew of the mean guy) is not Maximus's son. Bummer. I thought I knew everything that would happen after the first quarter of an hour.
O.K. The good points: The first three fights or so ARE compelling (the other 20 or so cease to be). Ancient Rome never looked so real (Shame about the rest of the movie). The actors can act (their roles are just so clicheed the creators could have done with Muppets).
One final question : Does Crowe really go from Germania to Spain in one day (Some horse that must be...), and from Spain to North Africa in another two? In a CART? I Refuse to have seen that. I must have fallen asleep for a few hours. It's possible with this movie. Zero stars.