better than a sharpshord in the neck-or whatever

Rating: 6/10 (18 September 2006)

Russell Crowe is a pretty fine actor. He has the gift of acting on film: if that is a gift-he has it. He has the capacity to connect with the viewer. This movie is typical Roman schlock/ history =low-brow tastelessness. How do you correctly tell a story about the Roman dirtbags? Crowe portrays the General, Gluteus Maximus, who tries to help the Roman dirtbags protect their dirtbag empire. *** Not that I have anything against Roman dirtbag empires*** At any rate, General Maximus Gluteus (Russell Crowe) gets in a big-ass world of trouble because actor Richard Harris, the Emperor Marcus Aurelius, likes Russell/Gluteus the Maximus MORE than he loves Marcus Aurelius's own son: Joaquin Phoenix(Commodus Toiletus). Richard Harris had a big-ass career hit 38 years ago with "MacArthur Park"-A fine and touching pop song which featured Richard Harris singing this masculine song in a powerful way, but an ultimately painful chorus. It was true grandeur in the pop world of AM radio. It was a sexual and sensual coup d'etat for AM radio which cannot be forgotten.I move on. General Gluteus Maximus runs away from Joaquin Phoenix(son of emperor Aurelius), and meets cool people who are slaves 'n' stuff. This is the second-reel...where a hero suffers and becomes a better person and stuff. Russell Crowe-General Maximus- meets tall African beautiful people who are slaves but act noble. Then, breathlessly, the screenwriter draws us back to Rome, where the evil Roman dirtbags live. The People in the gladiator arena in Rome like the gladiator, Crowe/Maximus , because that is what People do, when they have to think about something. Russell Crowe does big things, being noble. I bet the black Africans taught him something about being noble- because they have fine black skin, or something. In truth, tall and fine Africans are fine and beautiful people. This movie exploits them because this is a stupid Hollywood movie. Maximus puts up with repeated nonsense. He finds a way to win. hooray. I think this movie won the Oscar for best gay hairstyle on a leading Australian heterosexual man: Russell Crowe. what an honor. I believe Russell Crowe deserves better than this silly-ass Roman epic. just my opinion. Russell Crowe is just better than this silly trash-but then-really-so am I. Sometimes movies are just commerce. I don't mean to shock y'all. This a beautiful movie-full of great war scenes, and honor and courage. It is also a sleazy Roman history. Roman history is a sleazy Machiavellian thing. Sorry.