Alpha Males

Rating: 6/10 (1 June 2007)

The emperor Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris) is murdered by his son Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix). Aurelius's designated successor, General Maximus (Russel Crowe) is betrayed, becomes a slave, a gladiator, finally a the most popular gladiator in Rome, and kills Commodus before he himself drops dead of an unfair wound. Rome is turned over to Senator Grachus and is saved. Commodus's sister (Connie Nielson) has a son who will become the next emperor. Actually, that happy return to a Republic is tacked on, isn't it? Dictatorships continued till the end.
I kept trying to figure out just what elements distinguished "Gladiator" from the earlier sun and sandal epics of the 1950s, like "Herculus," usually starring some beefed-up parody of a male figure like Steve Reeves, or "Ben Hur" for that matter.
Obviously "Gladiator" is more expensive and the special effects more especially effective. And, thank God, unlike Steve Reeves' epics the movie isn't dubbed, so nobody sounds like Orson Welles gargling.
"Gladiator" is darker all around than almost all earlier movies of the period. Cinecitta was always so sunny and its weather so balmy. There's a moment near the beginning of "Ben Hur" when Judah and Massala meet and Massala removes his decorative metal cuirass and reveals the soft scarlet cloth beneath it. It's a neat splash of color. There's nothing like that in "Gladiator." The Romans all wear dark clothing, usually black. And their armor is spiky-looking and abrasive, as if influenced by some video game or by Dungeons and Dragons. I guess the Senate wears white but even their robes are drained of brightness, so that they resemble the sheets that my laundry dryer produces. And sometimes it's cold too. Snow falls and the Romans wear fur robes. Pretty ugly stuff.
The dialog isn't dubbed but the Foley artists have been hard at work generating the expectable clichés. No sword can be drawn without the slick sound of sharp metal against metal. And God forbid that a sword be thrown through the air without going whoo-whoo-whoo. If one of these behemoths swings his weapon it's invariably accompanied by a swoosh or a wheeesh. I don't know why. It doesn't make the motion more compelling in any way. It's a distraction because somewhere in the viewer's mind there must be the realization that if you swing a piece of metal through the air, it simply does not swoosh. The sounds of battle aren't the only clichés. The "thumbs down/ thumbs up" business for death and life was, I think, borrowed from an improvisation in a Cecil B. DeMille movie, not from the historical record.
Award for best performance: Richard Harris (his last movie) as Marcus Aurelius, the emperor who is at least as well known for his philosophy -- he was a stoic -- as for his martial exploits. Imagine -- a head of state who can have an original thought? "Death smiles at all of us and all we can do is smile back." Award for best-looking and most succulent actress: Connie Nielson. She couldn't be better. I don't know about her performance but she looks absolutely right for the part of the bitter widow, abused by her own brother, hopelessly in love with a man she'll never have. She's beautiful, sensuous, elegant, and as cold as polished steel.
Best imitation of Steve Reeves: Russel Crowe, he of the enormous trapezii. I wouldn't want to get in the arena with that guy. His performance? Well -- he tries to laugh at one point.
Best bad guy: Joaquin Phoenix isn't bad as the evil, cowardly, deceitful Commodus. It wouldn't surprise me to find that he had an amphora stuffed with ladies' lingerie. I'll give him a pass on insisting on incest, inasmuch as Connie Nielson is the victimized party. But, man, what a creep; no longer the teen age beauty, slightly more plump, and with a thicker voice.
Is it worth seeing? Well, of course! Could anything on which so much expense had been lavished NOT be worth seeing? And it's thought provoking too. The thought it provokes is: what is it in human nature that prompts us to watch innocent others suffer and die violently? No? You don't have to look long on the internet to find video clips with titles like "Iraqi gets blown up," or "Marine has arm shot off!" We can smugly dismiss "the mob" of Romans for their barbaric tastes but we can't pass a highway accident without looking for some mangled limbs. Hell, we revel in it.