The best movie in years...FOR ME TO POOP ON

Rating: 1/10 (11 May 2000)

Let me preface this by saying I'm a fan of most of Ridley Scott's work. Bladerunner is a terrific flick and Alien ain't too shabby, either. Then I saw the trailers for Gladiator and some early reviews(almost exclusively raves) and got excited for a good, well-made film. What I got was the most boring movie I've seen in a theater in quite some time. Initially, I gave the film the benefit of the doubt...a lot of people liked this so it must get interesting sooner or later. About 45 minutes into the film, however, I realized it wasn't going to get any better. I first looked at my watch at that point and proceeded to do so at least every ten minutes thereafter. I hoped the reel would catch fire and save me from watching the last hour but, alas, I had to watch until the end. I probably would've left but I attended the film with my father and we hadn't been to a movie together since T2...what're ya gonna do?.
Gladiator was lifeless and unoriginal. The plot was shabby and often laughable, and I honestly believe the folks at MST3K could've had a pretty good time with it. Much of the dialogue was cheesy, the camera work was largely uninspired and every time a computer generated 'roman' backdrop was on screen the characters amidst them were fuzzy and shadowy. At other times Scott included footage to purposely sicken the audience, i.e. the "snot" scene. Did anyone else find that as nasty as I?
Another problem with this film as that, despite its epic running time, the plot progression is hasty and incomplete. Maximus goes from general to slave in about 3 scenes(why is he a slave again?) and kills around 7 people as a gladiator before becoming the most popular man in Rome. There's plenty of room for good development within two and a half hours. Instead, Scott pushes Gladiator's sub-par progression only within the brief action scenes(the only interesting scenes in the entire movie...honestly) and offsets them with minutes upon minutes(hours?) of crap that doesn't go anywhere. The raves this movie has received confuse me. Gladiator is the most overrated movie in years.
If you're looking for a good movie along the same lines, watch Conan the Barbarian. Gladiator uses roughly the same story line, but Conan is about 3000 times more entertaining. And don't get popcorn before you enter the theater. Believe me, you'll welcome any excuse to get up and stretch your legs before the movie actually concludes.