Worse Than Batman and Robin...

Rating: 1/10 (17 February 2007)

I saw this movie (as with "The Benchwarmers") at the behest of my best friend who usually has pretty good cinematic tastes. These tastes have gone downhill in recent years and this concerns me. We may have to have a movie intervention for him, but that's another story.
I suppose if you're into movies where the dialog consists of "I'm gonna kick your butt" / "I don't think so" for about two hours, you won't be disappointed in "Ghost Rider." The script, which sounds like a fanfic written by a seventh grader, is simplistic enough to hold the attentions of even the most ADD-riddled viewer. So much so, that it seems implausible that Cage's Johnny Blaze (a well thought out name if ever there was one) would have the knowledge necessary to understand the theology books that are central to the plot. Maybe he just saw the bitchin' pictures and pieced it together in his head.
While the script is the movie's biggest problem, there are several others that make a bad situation even worse. Such as the terribly long pacing, the XBox-worthy CGI effects and the wooden performances of all actors involved. Particularly those of the comely love interest Roxanne Simpson, a roving reporter who seemingly got through Journalism School by her cleavage alone. Sam Elliot makes a cameo in an attempt to bring a bit of dignity to the film, but all he does is spout some faux-religious bunk about the Ghost Rider being the Devil's gofer. You'd think by now, somebody would have just challenged him to a fiddle contest by now. It would have been more interesting to watch.
Also of note is the movie's anti-smoking message, which is more heavy-handed than anything truth.com could have come up with. Young Johnny's father smokes Marlboros and is dead five minutes later. However, in a later scene, many of Blaze's friends are seen playing poker and smoking Lucky Strikes. The moral of the story: smoking Marlboros will kill you. So will this movie. Especially if you payed to see it. Wait for it to come out on DVD and play "Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Home Game" with it.