Another superhero felled by Ho'wood greed

Rating: 1/10 (17 February 2007)

ANOTHER BELOVED HERO SHREDDED Hulk, Daredevil, Electra, and now "Ghost Rider"...the list, unfortunately, is liable to lengthen. All of these beloved characters could have been delivered to the movie-going public with as much, if not more, success than Spiderman. Alas, it was not to be... It seems that those who take it upon themselves to bring these characters to cinematic life choose instead to serve a kind of fast-food product to the hopeful, who are destined to be woefully disappointed if searching for some real fiber and sustenance among these flash-fried concoctions forced upon them. They can only watch in utter grief and dismay from their high-dollar theater seat as a hero they had likely grown up admiring is sliced and diced by over-dependence on CGI, paper-thin character development, wooden performances, and a lukewarm, sometimes confusing plot.
SERVE UP CRAP, THEN FUGEDABOUDIT These movie-makers know it is a sure bet that a comic book character will draw a faithful audience...at least for a first installment. It seems this is often all they're actually shooting for. The all-too-familiar specter of entrepreneurial timidity seems to engulf whatever possibilities for success such projects might have held. Of course, big money, as well as reputation among one's Hollywood peers is on the line, so formulaic plot and CGI razzle-dazzle rule the day, and squashes any chance that this character might once again appear upon the silver screen. Batman, thankfully, is a notable exception. Dast we hope that this same phoenix-like rebirth will save some of the aforementioned characters? I hope so. I still have some hope for Electra. I dig kick-a** women.
WRITERS, DO YOUR $%#@& JOBS!
WHERE'S YOUR ADAPTIVE GENIUS? To be fair, I do acknowledge that when Stan Lee created these characters, he had high hopes only for a successful comic, not a movie. Also, certain aspects of a character might have worked well back in the 60's, 70's, etc., but not necessarily in 2007. But this is a perfect opportunity for writers to let their true genius shine, and for directors and producers to exercise some trust in the vision and commercial adaptability of their writers. It seems the writers of the "Ghost Rider" screenplay were heavily dependent upon the years of monthly comic book issues of "Ghost Rider" to develop the characters. Uh-uh, guys. Remember, some in your audience may not be comic book fans. Development is YOUR job, and you have 114 minutes to do it...but it can be done. Heck, I could have done it. I wish...
CAGE, WERE YOU HIGH?
EVA MENDEZ: PRETTY, HISPANIC, EXPLOITABLE; ZERO TALENT
Consequently, not all aspects of a character, regardless of any digital magic, will transfer readily into a movie. This requires some tinkering, which carries the risk of alienating a character's fan base. However, TOTAL lack of character development is inexcusable. Wooden performances and characterization on the part of the actor?...off with their heads!(for wood, check out the scene where Cage is pointing and laughing at the television, until Mack changes the channel...).
Eva Mendez is surely a better actor than the one I saw in "Ghost Rider"...my gosh, has the marketing machine sunk THIS LOW in attempting to rope in the Hispanic movie-going public? Check out the scene where she jumps out of the van when Cage's character blocks their passage with his bike...uhhh. She was just repeating lines and posing (...and posing), that's all...Eva Mendez portraying an actor, and badly, at that. But hey, she's a lovely hispan-magnet, right?
The graying couple sitting next to me in the theater while watching this turkey were surely thinking the same thing I was as they shifted incessantly in their seats-WHEN IS THIS STINKER GOING TO END? I'VE PAID FOR IT...MIGHT AS WELL ENDURE TILL THE END... I almost just walked out.
The writers could have made G.R. much darker...far more mysterious, and therefore far more substantial. All this could have been done without losing the PG rating, and a younger audience. They could have upheld what seemed to have been an effort to downplay, though not eliminate, the Satanic stuff. However, the writers tried to straddle the line between campy, and darkness, exposing (forgive me..)their tiny little creative balls! Sometimes, a character's very nature makes it difficult to write him/her seriously...take werewolves, for example. Think Frankenstein, in the "Van Helsing" travesty. Now consider a character with a flaming skull for a head, riding a flaming chopper. He could have been painted as a joke, or as a tormented monster, with a penchant for doing good. In "Ghost Rider", he was just painted, "blah". Writers, I want your pens on my desk...NOW! YOU'RE THROUGH!
IF THE LIGHTS FLICKER, SATAN'S HERE!
The over-reliance of flicking on and off, and busting all those street lights and carnival displays had to be about the cheapest stunts I've ever seen in building a menacing character. Apparently, Satan has a childish side. For those of you with children, how many times have you had to scold them for playing with the light switch in your home? Had he any crayons in "Ghost Rider", might Satan have defaced Roxanne's (Mendez)bedroom walls, as well?
***SPOILER*** There was one, and only one, shining moment in this entire movie. That was where Roxanne attempted to touch G.R.'s "face" affectionately. He turned away, saying (echoing, whatever...)"monster". In response, Roxanne said, "I'm not afraid." Then, it seemed that her love for this "monster" flowed from her hand and extinguished the flame's of even Hell's wrath from the face of Johnny Blaze. I almost said, "aw...", out loud, at that one.
Now I'm exhausted. In writing this, I'm only reliving the agony endured while staring in disbelief at this dud, yet another tumbleweed in the movie-going experience which sadly could have been a fiery rose. I can only hope this review might have saved YOU some agony and distress.