Flaming skull with throat cancer: THE MOVIE

Rating: Null/10 (6 June 2009)

The very idea of GHOST RIDER is awesome... a guy with a flaming skull who rides a motorcycle and chain-rapes bad guys...AWESOME. I remember watching some superhero cartoon back in the day (I think it was THE HULK) and it had like 3 episodes with Ghost Rider on it and they were AWESOME! Everything about Ghost Rider is AWESOME, and with that in mind how could this movie be anything but AWESOME? Well...they have found a way.
Now I like Nick Cage, CON AIR, THE ROCK, FACE/OFF, RAISING ARIZONA...all classics. So Mr. Cage I ask you... WHAT THE F*CK! OK OK maybe that is a bit TOO harsh since the movie is not THAT bad... but it is a GHOST RIDER movie that is NOT AWESOME...and that is just unacceptable. What we have here is a 2 hour movie that feels like it's 3 hours of bad acting, bad writing, and a very uneventful story that never really goes anywhere. Now this was written and directed by the same guy who made DAREDEVIL which, while flawed, I enjoyed...but he also made ELEKTRA, which makes me vomit just thinking about...my keyboard is now covered in vomit due to me having to type about it...oh my god I am still thinking about it and still vomiting, oh man I need to think about something else...pie...yeah pie is good...I like apple...whew...OK back to this POS. So the story for those of you who don't know is as follows:
*Nick Cage is a Dardevil doing stunts in a carnival *His dad gets cancer *He sells his soul to make his dad better *His dad gets better but then dies in a bike crash *Cage is like "WTF satin why you gotta be a dick?" *Later in life Cage gets called upon to the "RIDER" which...I guess catches souls or some sh!t *Cage is all like "you know what this gig is whack" *He fights the devil *Oh and there is some stupid subplot with Wes Bently acting poorly (I guess because he has been so great in other things he decided "I don't need to try I'll just do the scenes and go jerk off"
So the movie is a mess...but it has some good: *The look of the movie is pretty sweet, as is the look of Ghost Rider himself when he is not talking because when he does he sounds like he has throat cancer *Eva Mendez...she so fine *Cage is not BAD in the role and he is clearly a fan of the material and WANTS it to do well...not that that helps the movie but I can see the intention was there
So overall it is not the worst comic book movie ever...that would be Elektra (I am now swimming in vomit) and it is not a movie that will scar you for life...but it did turn Ghost Rider Lame...which is just not cool man...not cool at all. I give it a D+....skip it