Heartless

Rating: 1/10 (18 December 2009)

At various points during this movie, the trite villain Blackheart kills people in cold blood by pushing his icy fingers in their hearts. This frozen emptiness where the heart should be in a way sums up this dreadful adaptation. Blackheart murders many people in cold blood and we, the audience, are not supposed to feel anything about it. By far the worst instance of this is when (Ghost Rider) Johnny Blaze's best friend (and the one character in the whole film who is sympathetically drawn) is murdered in said fashion in front of GR. GR sheds no tears about him and he is never again even mentioned. His death and those of others has no other function but merely to show us the badness of Blackheart who would otherwise be a faintly comical white-faced Goth. This callousness extends elsewhere in the movie. At the start, Johnny Blaze's dad is killed by Mephistopheles after being on screen for what must be less than a minute in total and speaking about two sentences. Since we do not see the bond between father and son, the father's death, which is of cardinal importance to the storyline, is thus robbed of any emotional power beyond Johnny's melodramatic scream of "nooooooo"! Likewise perfunctory is the treatment of Johnny's girl, Roxanne, which in some ways is the most hilarious aspect of this unintentionally funny film. Having watched Johnny diligently carved "Johnny & Roxanne 4 ever" in a tree, she then informs him she has to leave him at her parents request. He objects and suggests they ride off together into the sunset. However, at the appointed time, and having become the devil's apprentice, he leaves her standing under the tree.
This frankly makes little sense, but worse is to come.
A year having passed but everyone having aged at least 20 years, she is now a TV reporter while Johnny is a stunt cyclist. An inept comedy sequence ensues with Johnny eventually getting a date. Alas, he finds himself turning to fire (Not surprising considering Nicholas Cage's wooden performance) and goes on his first Ghost ride, leaving her in the lurch yet again.
Roxanne turns up at his place the next day (somehow getting in-) and throws herself at him! He then reveals his is the emissary of Satan which has her leaving yet again.
An odd scene with Blaze being arrested and thus having to reluctantly fight prisoners is next. It is hilarious and I wonder if it is not some kind of tribute to a similar scene in the even more inept Death Wish 3 film?
Another ghost ride ensues with the usual clichés -swat teams, helicopters, etc. This is of course witnesses by Roxanne who realises at once that the flaming headed cyclist is actually her Johnny. Blackheart notices this and announces "now we know his weakness. Hmmmmm." a classic of movie badness.
I could go on. The script is so inept that you wonder if anyone actually read it. We are supposed to have a villain who has acquired a power so potent that it can literally bring about Hell on Earth yet Ghost Rider is able to defeat him ....
...by looking him in the eye!