Ghost Rider lacks fire...

Rating: 2/10 (18 February 2007)

From "The Lumberjack" by Gary Sundt (aka ME)
How many times have you gone to see a movie and you just really wanted it to be good? In fact, you so badly wanted it to be good, that you actually thought the movie was better than the crap that it actually is. Well, sometimes a movie is what it is, and you can't deny it was just a bad movie. Welcome, my friends, to the Ghost Rider experience.
Now the story goes that when motorcycle stunt rider Johnny Blaze was a young carnie motorcycle stunt rider, he sold his soul to Mephistopheles in exchange for his cancer-ridden father's health. When Mr. Blaze gets his health back, good old 'Stopheles causes the old rider to have a fatal accident on his bike. So now Johnny has to work for "the devil" forever, which means he better cut all his ties, which includes his girlfriend, young Roxanne (who looks so much like Eva Mendes, she could impersonate her in a porno).
Cut to modern times. Nicolas Cage is Johnny Blaze, and he has used his deal with the devil to become famous for doing insane stunts that should rightfully kill him. We spend a bit too much time seeing Blaze without his super powers, so let's just skip it all and say that he and Roxanne (Eva Mendes) meet up again and they want to get things started.
However, their timing couldn't be more off. Mephistopheles' son, a demon called Blackheart, is coming in with his evil gang to do some evil stuff, and this is not Devil-Certified Evil, so he wants Blackheart stopped. He taps Blaze and gives him the powers of the Ghost Rider, which means he is bullet-proof, has the ability to stare, and his head catches on fire. On his fiery motorcycle, he goes off to fight Blackheart and his cronies in what usually ends up being one very underwhelming fight after another.
Mark Steven Johnson, the guy who gave us the not-so-good Daredevil, and the outstanding Daredevil Director's Cut, is at the helm of Ghost Rider, and from the very beginning you can't help but feel that he really wanted to give us a comic book. On one side, we have a fun look, one that never seems real, but more comic book-like, which I appreciated. On the other hand, the film, with its cheesy dialogue and strange story-telling, never feels like a movie. Also, I don't really understand why Johnny Blaze turns into Ghost Rider, and suddenly he can only turn out horrible lines and laugh really hard.
Honestly though, the real problem with Ghost Rider (besides its horrible dialogue and story that doesn't translate well to film) is the fact that the audience never feels any dread. When you watch Spider-Man fight Doc Ock in Spider-Man 2, you have the feeling of "Oh crap! Spidey is f*%#ed!" In Ghost Rider, we never feel that. You never get so consumed in the story that you wonder if he is going to make it. When you watch Ghost Rider, you always know how it is going to end: Evil will be punished, the girl is not going to die, and Ghost Rider is going to ride off into the sunset (and in this movie, he actually does).