The antithesis of all intelligent life.

Rating: 1/10 (13 September 2005)

Advice to any one who wants to see it, Don't. Under no circumstances should anyone have to suffer this pathetic excuse for film. See, the director says to himself, "Instead of doing a good story and having meaningful and well-thought out characters, I'm going to make them all neurotic and QUIRKY!!!!" It was like watching a sick hybrid of Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Dana Carvey and Adam Sandler all rolled together in one disturbing and unfunny hydra of stupidity. The characters ranged from an epileptic Natalie Portman who has a home filled with hamster cages, a relative that makes a shirt out of the same pattern as the wallpaper, people living in an abandoned boat, some young kid with Desert Storm trading cards and bitches about losing his Wolf Blitzer and a fellow who works at a Medieval Times who walks in while the main character/director/writer is recovering from a heavy night of drugs. Also, we can't forget the man who made a fortune by creating silent Velcro. Then there's the "original" acts of randomness which means someone flailing around and making animal sounds. Now I understand that many of the critics have been hailing this as an indie masterpiece but if you think about that for a moment. I believe it was Kyle from South Park who said it best in regards to indie films: "It's just a bunch of gay cowboys eating pudding!!" Another thing was that the director was attempting to make us feel sorry for these character that are so unrealistic that one probably couldn't even find these nuts in a sanatorium. Especially when Portman carries around a Dixie cup to catch tears that Andrew (Zach Braff, the director) will eventually shed, That's right, she's holding on to that cup so that when Andy cries, she can be there to catch them. I'm off to drown this out. Do you think Strangelove would kill this visual disembowelment?