In a State of Depression watching this

Rating: 2/10 (28 July 2005)

My wife thought she enjoyed the film. Then she changed her mind after talking to me. I was absolutely bored out of my mind. I haven't the faintest idea what people got out of this movie, or why it is in the top 250??? Being a huge film buff and watching everything from action and comedy, to dramatic, foreign and independent films, covering almost every decade of the last century, I feel like I have seen enough movies to know what makes a great movie: if I can watch a film over and over again and always experience the same level of enjoyment (I call it rewatchability), superb acting, unique or solid story line, script with crisp and witty dialog, and if the film sparks any emotion inside of me at all. I feel like critics are now being bribed by Hollywood in order to help their industry, especially when rating films like this so highly. The highest bidder gets The best critic (hint:he wears glasses) or a major critic, 2nd place gets a major paper, third gets a TV critic, etc. If you can pay the minimum $20,000, you can get an online magazine or radio show to give you a stellar review (watch a commercial for a film that's about to be released and see how many radio shows and online critics give these films great reviews. Sometimes they use 2-3 quotes from the same critic). Due to the gross amount of overrated films I regret wasting my time watching lately because of the rave reviews critics are giving terrible films, I'd rather take Helen Keller's opinion than modern day critics.
Whatever's happening, its definitely convinced our movie going society and the Academy's voters to lower its expectations dramatically (not in most cases, but in the last few years, you have to agree that some people who took home statues have been so undeserving), and it irritates me to no end. I can't find a single reason why I would want to watch this film again. Granted, there were some funny moments, like waking up after the party and seeing a fully dressed knight, or shooting arrows straight into the air with your rich friend who can't furnish a house to save his life. But I wasn't interested in the main story at anytime.
The acting was completely lacking of passion and felt forced. I think Natalie Portman is the most overrated actress in Hollywood. A darling, beautiful, talented woman, but she hasn't made too many good movies since Leon aka the Professional. And wow! Talk about Method Man's cameo! Academy award winning stuff right there! I'm glad his TV show on Fox is doing well. And Ian Holm turns in what could be the only performance where his main motivation must have been "act boring." And the director, writer and star should stick to just acting. His "vision" was clouded and it seemed to be a-typical directing, nothing out of the ordinary or exciting. I didn't feel anything for any of the characters (except for maybe the hamster or guinea pig that died). Could someone please explain to me why you thought the film was so spectacular? Or let me suggest this, try watching this film and others like it without Prozac. Sound like an idea?