Don't Believe the Hype

Rating: 5/10 (10 April 2015)

The 6-film "Fast & Furious" series began 14 years ago, and I've somehow managed to never see a single one. For some, this could disqualify my opinion of Furious 7, the latest in the most unlikely of gigantic franchises. While it's clearly not devoid of entertainment value, especially in the action and the outright silliness, it is devoid of one important thing: a brain. Mocking laughter was often as prevalent as the edge-of-your-seat thrills in what should be titled Furious 7: Cliché City. Not that it isn't oddly refreshing to see a movie that's so unashamedly dumb. The formulaic setup provides some space for sound design and action set-pieces that are engaging and good-looking. However, the script is terrible, and the actors are hit-and-miss at best. Imagine the cast of The Expendables circa 2035 being threatened by a charisma-less Statham villain, and you've got the gist. Rodriguez is annoying and Diesel is nothing more than a walking/talking piece of beef whose incessant mumbling is beyond tedious. On the other hand, Gibson and Johnson have some fun moments, and Walker's lack of acting range is bolstered by some general likability and a tasteful handling of his death. Director Wan does have a nice touch, specifically handling Walker's passing and in managing the giant scope of the appropriately ridiculous combat scenes. But you know everything you hate about living in Panama City during spring break? It's all glorified here. Like an SNL sketch about American-action-movie excess, Furious 7 spends as much time un-ironically worshipping guns, fast cars, UFC stars, bad dialogue and objectified women as it does being simple dumb fun.