Oh...My...God!

Rating: 1/10 (21 January 2016)

Seeing this movie means that I will now have to go back and change the only film that I ever rated 1 star previously and give it a 10, because literally this film is so absolutely god-awful that it makes the worst movie I have ever seen previously look like pure gold.
Let me be frank, this is not a movie. It's a cartoon with real actors. I understand this is not supposed to be realistic of course, but on no level at all can this be considered good. I mean it looks like it's been written by a sexually frustrated 13 year old boy who only eats sugar.
The plot is so illogically ridiculous, so full of holes and nonsensical developments that it makes my three old niece sound like an astrophysicist. The action sequences are all totally pointless because in the end none of the good guys are ever in any danger whatsoever and I would not have been surprised even if Vin Diesel had taken a direct hit to the face with a nuclear missile and still walked away with a Hollywood smile. What's the point?
Asides from the absolutely appalling plot, narrative, acting, the cringingly immature script, the awkwardly grotesque directing and the inane and utterly boring repetition, the 'film' manages to fill the moments in between explosions with shots of scantily clothed females lounging around super cars. Which just proves my theory that James Wan and Chris Morgan got the inspiration for this flick while they where snorting cocaine off a prostitute's butt, in a bed made of thousand dollar bills, while playing GTAV.
But in the end I can't blame the creators of this junk-food film, because judging by the hundreds upon hundreds of millions of dollars it made they are actually making the kind of movie people love. Which, in the words of Alejandro G. Iñárritu, goes to show that, "Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige."
But if you do love this film then thats fine of course. As long you're 15 and under and you really don't know the difference between a film and a cheeseburger.
Awful.