Sharknado on Wheels

Rating: 3/10 (28 May 2015)

"Hahahahahaha!" That's what I kept saying throughout this intellectually insulting and predicable movie. This movie came from the brain child of an 11 year old! Wow! They actually far exceeded my expectations of the ridiculousness I knew would ensue while going into this movie and all the typical phrases and clichés are present. It has the heart of Sharknado injected into the fabric of the F&F universe. I have seen all of the F&F movies. Furious 7, however, took the franchise to whole new level of preposterous.
The whole Furious crew is after this guy Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) because he killed the snack eating Japanese guy, Han. But in order to get to him they have to team up with Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell) who is after some sci-fi tech called the God's Eye that was created by this hacker, Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel), whom some private terrorist group have captured. This computer chip has the ability to see every camera, hear every microphone, ATM, computer, in the world to instantly locate anyone on the planet. For some unspoken political reasons all US agencies have been ruled out to find Ramsey and the chip, which is why, of course, they need Dom and his team. If the Furious gang steals the tech then Mr. Nobody will let them use it to find Shaw.
Of course the government affords them tricked out cars to go find this special chip. A 4x4 '69 Dodge Charger is the first thing that comes to my mind when I need to chase bad guys. Does Dom always have to drive a '69 Charger? He drives like 4 of them in this movie!
One of the many things that do not make sense in this plot is whenever they are after this chip, Shaw conveniently shows up as well, I guess, to get the computer chip too or he is chasing the 7 crew? We never know much about Shaw or where he is throughout the movie; he just magically appears whenever it is convenient for him to be in the plot. This happens more than once. But isn't the reason they are after the chip is in order to get Shaw? So why don't they stop chasing after this chip and everyone direct their energies at Shaw while he is there? No, they want to get away from him first, get the tech they need, to ultimately put themselves back in the same situation they were in when he showed up unexpectedly to then exact revenge. And if he is actually chasing the F&F gang (w/o sounding too logical :/ ) then why not just wait for him to show up instead of risking their lives for some computer chip?
The final showdown of this movie is too long to go into here as there would be too much to write. Basically it is one unbelievable piece of action after another. One highlight was when Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) is in the hospital and flexes his broken arm in a cast to break it off. WHAT!? Later when he crashes the EMT truck over the bridge at the exact moment the drone is flying under to blow it up was when I seriously lost it and broke out in laughter! There should be a category for movies that are hilarious when they aren't meant to be. And just think, the first movie portrayed everyone (except for Paul Walker's character who was trained F.B.I.) as common street racing thieves in L.A. to this movie where they are now practically trained operative spies taking down mercenaries and chased by missile launching drones. Each subsequent movie becomes more out of touch with reality than the previous. But this one outdid the last and I wonder what was the director James Wan thinking when he approved of all this? What will the next one be named, "Fast and Furious 8 in Space"?
With all of that said, it was still entertaining to watch, like bubble gum for the mind. Even if there is no sensible plot it is still watchable for the laughs almost like Naked Gun (1988) or Airplane (1980). That is kind of sad considering they really can't make a spoof version of this franchise because it is already woven into the films. The characters do not need much development since we know who they are already, which allows for more time to focus on crazy stunts and absurd action. The cars are quite cool, though the focus is no longer on the cars or racing, but more on revenge, espionage, and heist and some short side-show soap opera scenes.
The very end was somewhat redeeming to this wacky flick and actually the best part of the whole movie; it kind of got to me. I felt they did an enduring send off for Paul Walker and his character, though it really didn't seem to fit with the rest of the movie. They created a smooth double entendre monologue to say goodbye to Brian the character while actually meaning goodbye, Paul. The top view shot of them in their cars riding side by side to then see them split on different paths was moving and fit perfectly with their friendship, passion for cars, and his exit from the series.
However good the end was, 5 minutes does not outweigh 2 hours. You cannot legitimately give this movie a 10 because of that. I think Paul Walker would have been shaking his head left and right and sinking further in seat if he were at the premiere. "Sorry Paul" is what the end should have said for making his last movie so bad.
3/10. 2 stars for action and entertainment. 1 star for Paul Walker tribute.