From Hell - or somewhere worse

Rating: Null/10 (12 June 2002)

This film came From Hell - or somewhere worse. And I'll tell you why...
The direction - by clever, clever duo the Hughes brothers, who film fans usually love - is too clever, clever by half, and the speeded up moments and endless/ totally boring opium den shots just grate after the third or fourth time you get to see them. Maybe these shots also annoy because it's just so dull to see that also too clever, clever by half supercool actor Johnny Depp look really spaced out - again. And again. Yep - and again.
I've never much cared for Johnny Depp, and this isn't just because he's bedded both Kate Moss and Vanessa Paradis. Well - OK, maybe a little bit because of this.
Honestly though, respected actor he might well be, but he's TERRIBLE in this film throughout. I laughed, out loud. I never do that normally - not even when watching a good comedy. All pouting, posing and terribly bad cockerney accent worthy of a Michael Caine impersonator crossed with an Eastenders actor straight out of drama school.
The story - based on the graphic novel - hardly has an original theory as to who Jack The Ripper really is, but when you find out you don't really care anyway as the guilty suspect's acting is so straight-out-of-the-theatre annoying that it has been grating on you throughout, numbing you beyond caring. Actually, most of the actors in this film act as if they've just stepped out of a terribly English theatre role at the Old Vic. Posh or Cockney - Hollywood has two sides of the coin when portraying us Londoners.
And the horror - the horror is so tame that it's laughable. The gore is so blandly directed, despite wannabe explicit moments, with so little real obvious love of the genre that it makes an episode of Buffy look like out-takes from Wes Craven's Last House On The Left.
All the prostitutes look down and out and dirty, and that's fair enough - except for leading lady prostitute Heather Graham as Mary Kelly with her fashion model make-up and glamorous, shampoo-ad red hair. No 'woman of the night' ever looked like this back then. Lucky boys if one did. Even Kate Moss and Vanessa Paradis look less well-manicured and scrubbed-up than this 'lady'.
Whoops - there I go again. Johnny Depp - the lucky....Oh, I nearly forgot, Robbie Coltane is really good in this. Good thing he acts Scottish throughout then and doesn't even try to be a 'cockerney sparrah'.