One hell of a sports cliché fest

Rating: 1/10 (12 February 2005)

***Spoilers below***
For the life of me I don't understand how so many folks are so ga-ga over this turkey. For me this was a complete snooze-fest until around half-way through when it got entertaining simply because it was so much fun counting up all the old, tired sports clichés they managed to cram into it.
1. First, there's the setting: small-town, nowheresville Odessa, where high school football is the True Religion, all the kids are desperate to get out, and the football players are the local Gods who get all the free food, booze and sex they want. And, oh yes, there are also the Beautiful Sunset Shots and the Soaring Aerial Views of parts of the town, especially the football field, that tip us off to the fact that something beautiful is really going on under this bleak surface.
2. There's the troubled quarterback with the single mom (who may be seriously ill). Early in the season he's a pretty mediocre player but, when adversity strikes, he steps up and becomes the team leader with skills only slightly less impressive than Troy Aikman's.
3. There's the kid abused by his father and his father's athletic dreams who also, when everything is on the line, suddenly becomes one of the team's stars. He also gets to listen to his father, in a fit of remorse, lecture him on making the most of his senior year because it's all downhill from there and these are the best memories he'll ever have.
4. There's the strutting minority star player with dreams of riding his athleticism to fame and fortune who suffers a serious injury, tries to come back too soon (through the negligent inaction of his coach and his beloved father-figure Uncle), and has his career ended. To drive the point home, the film-makers show us the star sitting dejectedly after his injury watching a group of trash collectors going about their jobs.
5. There's the solid, silent defensive star who has spoken hardly a word, but during half-time of the Big Game he suddenly gives the inspirational speech that fires up the team.
6. There's the calm coach in the center of the storm who, again during half-time of the Big Game, gives the "it's not about the scoreboard, it's all about what's in your heart, it's all about love, and you're all winners" speech. This despite the fact that he has previously (and negligently) ignored what he really knows about his star's serious injury and allows him to play because he wants to win so badly.
**Spoiler follows**
7. Then there's the Big Game itself in which Our Heroic Team gets pummeled by the Bad Guys (including flagrant fouls and one incredibly bad officiating call that make the crisis even worse)in the first half only to suddenly find a way to claw their way back (with accompanying swelling music) to one final last-second try that gloriously fails. Then, for the next several minutes we watch in slow motion shot after shot (from different angles of course) of the stars kneeling in noble defeat next to that football just a few agonizing inches from the goal line.
Then there are the Big Steals from Hoosiers:
1. The "Davids" from Odessa end up in the Big Game playing the "Goliaths" from Dallas Carter.
2. The entire town of Odessa apparently closes down and the entire populace drives across the state of Texas in a long convoy.
3. The "I love you guys" speech transplanted from the coach to the troubled quarterback.
Unless you're looking for a primer on how NOT to make a unique sports film, I'd suggest you avoid this turkey.