A poisonous pill with a sugar coating (loads of spoilers)

Rating: 1/10 (25 February 2004)

I loathe and despise this film on so many different levels.
Firstly, how did Tom Hanks win an Oscar for speaking very slowly. I have never seen such a collective display of acting incompetence be so highly lauded.
Secondly, The central message of this film is (spoilers) America is better than everywhere else in the world. Don't get me wrong, I like America. I love Americans, I waste massive amounts of my time and money on movies, music, and books produced in America- but this bloody movie is a typical of why so many people now seem to be anti-US. If you look at the lengths the "good" characters go to conform to society's ideal- his mother having sex with the principal, for example- they will behave in an immoral fashion to further their own lives within the American ideal. Furthermore, just in case this subtle point flew over the heads of the audience, the sole character to attempt to break from this conformity is killed with AIDS.
Thirdly, I know it is a movie, a work of fiction etc, so there must be some suspension of disbelief, but this simply goes to far. How does a mentally handicapped kid from a redneck backwater manage to meet a significant amount of noteworthy 20th century figures, and be present at so many of the last centuries significant events? Also, why does no-one tell him where to go when he is waffling on at the bus stop?
Next Up- no-one ever seems to comment on this, but this film is BORING. It is a string of randomly connected events, some of which are so tedious that when I first saw it I literally felt my brain melting. For example (spoiler) when he goes running for god knows how long for no apparent reason- then stops again for no apparent reason. The sheer pointlessness of this section made me want to cry out of frustration. This film is 2 hours and 20 minutes long- not an epic by any stretch of the imagination, but at least half an hour over time. The running section could easily (for example) have ended up on the cutting room floor without detracting from the movie in any way. This is actually typical of so much of the movie- (spoilers) Elvis does not add anything to the plot (except irritation), the table tennis scenes, the section with the prostitutes in New York, I could go on and on but frankly cannot be bothered. The basic storyline, as reliant as it is on suspension of disbelief etc, is essentially quite simple. (spoiler)Retarded boy from red neck backwater attends several famous events and through god's good graces and America's providence has a fabulously successful life, whilst losing the only woman he ever loved, and making some life-long friends. Easy, biographical story, not without a heartwarming premise. Instead we have a bloated, appalling, falsely moralistic, repugnant propaganda sequence constructed from a series of irritating set pieces and laden with pseudo-meaningful interludes. Why was it not made as a simple fictional biopic?
Finally, I am not pro-feminist at all, but this movie made my stomach turn in it's treatment of the female characters. All the women of the movie are morally loose- whether it is his mother, love of his life (the only two complete female characters anyway), or any of the minor characters (two hookers leaps to mind), they all display a worrying lack of morals.
Overall this movie is 140 minutes of my life that I want back. I feel violated for having seen this saccharine wrapped pile of excrement- I think I have given enough reasons for why it is the worst movie of all time without even going into it's wallowing in sentimentality, or dismal direction, or even looking at the waste of fine actors (Sally field, Gary Sinese etc). That Tom Hanks won his second Oscar for this overrated pile of garbage shows what an absolute travesty the Academy voting system is.