Ma nime's Forse, Forse Guh-uhmp...

Rating: Null/10 (26 September 2002)

FORREST GUMP was a much more enjoyable experience for me when I was a boy. I thought it was a wonderful, magical tale about taking life slow and easy. But now I am older, and I see it as little more than an overlong showcase of clichés in which Tom Hanks talks in an embarrassing Southern drawl and plays a cardboard caricature.
I admire Forrest for the good old boy that he is; unfortunately, that's ALL he is. If you will pardon the hyperbole, our mentally retarded hero is so pure and innocent and decent and good-hearted that he makes Jimmy Stewart's character in IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE look like a child pornographer. Whether he's the knight in shining armor protecting girlfriend Jenny from any menace; the selfless warrior rescuing all his comrades in the heat of battle; or the pious Christian whose faith remains fervent even as Lieutenant Dan Taylor curses God, Forrest Gump never does anything morally questionable.
In addition, throughout the film Gump displays an "idiot savant" personality type that really gets on my nerves. Now I know that some autistic people are blessed with highly unusual skills, but it is simply not feasible that Forrest is perfect at everything he does. He runs faster, plays better ping-pong, assembles a rifle quicker, is more successful in the business world, and in general proves to be a whiz at almost everything through a combination of freakish talent and dumb luck.
Not to be insensitive, but I think Gump had it pretty swell. After miraculously overcoming a childhood infirmity (really!) by busting the braces on his legs through sheer willpower, Forrest has an infinite string of good luck while all of his friends and loved ones either die painful deaths, surrender to their personal demons, or become human vegetables. These are the characters we should feel sorry for, and not Forrest Gump.
If Gump had been plagued with at least ONE character flaw - alcoholism, for instance, or some kind of sexual disorder - then maybe I would find it easier to sympathize with him and rejoice in his many accomplishments. As it is, however, Hanks's character is hopelessly squeaky-clean.
Which is not to say that FORREST GUMP is an inherently bad movie. It's fine, I suppose, if you like simpleminded morality plays. For the more cynical among us, however, GUMP is just too gummy.