Mind-bogglingly terrible direction.

Rating: 2/10 (23 November 2018)

Underneath the catastrophic camerawork and lazy choices, there is (if you look hard enough) a rubbish movie. Cheezel opts to use shaky-cam almost permanently, even when filming inanimate objects like a side of ham. That shot of ham is also totally irrelevant, but hey it made the final cut, so... yeah, the film seems to have been assembled with sticky tape and edited through the wrong end of a telescope judging by its constant use of extreme close-ups. Ryan Goosegg's big old wonky face takes up most of the screen most of the time and it quickly becomes very annoying (and I'm someone who usually likes him). Couple this with a camera that twitches around like a dying moth and the result is a thoroughly unpleasant watch. There is even a couple of crash-zooms to people sitting at a desk, bored. The whole effect is genuinely nauseating. Thankfully, any nausea you may feel will be quickly replaced by irritation as the director lurches towards something else that doesn't matter.
The soundtrack is so innocuous it might as well not be there, except of course for the times when it is suddenly blaringly loud and drowning the dialogue. On the other hand, the sound editing is also garbage (are those jet engines I hear? Hmmm). Any set design, costume or production value is swamped by a drab and lifeless colour palette. It goes out of focus a lot too. Oh god.
The acting is sub-par throughout and smacks of a bunch of actors who don't know where the camera is (they likely didn't, apart from the times it was touching their nose). Poorly lit, mumbled dialogue, bad blocking, embarrassing attempts at tableaux, etc etc.
Absolute horror-show. Amateurish and unforgiveably boring.
You already know what happened. This movie offers audiences nothing.
My two stars is for some nice reflections occassionaly caught in characters' eyes. Wish I was looking at what they're looking at.