Is this movie good, or do you simply want it to be good? My non-review.

Rating: Null/10 (24 January 2005)

You will like this movie if you are one of the thousands (if not millions) of people who think Depp is more talented than he really is, or have jumped on the Depp-Bandwagon and praise him just because you have a cousin/Ex-lover/Artsy sibling (hopefully not all in the same person), who either studies theatre or considers themselves to be a movie-buff who proclaims that Depp can do no wrong because he's an "avatar" of modern Tres-Chic/Pop-Art-house cinema.
You will like this movie if you have no opinion of your own, rely on people to tell you which movies are award-worthy, and then blindly agree under the guise that you are informed and more sophisticated than you really are despite not having had enjoyed the movie at all.
You will like this movie if, despite that the crown jewel of your movie collection consists of every volume of "Girls Gone Wild" and the directors cut of every Terminator movie, you simply want to look smart and sensitive in hopes that it will get you laid by the girl who convinced you to see it hopes to culture your pathetic, beer-swilling, frat-boy ass.
You will like this movie if you are a literature snob, and can point out every inconsistency in this story, in a feeble attempt to validate your obsession with literature that no one really gives a damn about except for elitists like yourself who own 5 cats and 3 different tea sets, or people who are so hopelessly lost in quasi-fantasy, fairy tale drivel, who lived with their grandmother until they were 32.
You will like this movie if you are simply the kind of person who forces themselves to watch pseudo-artsy dramas just so they can carry on a conversation in a coffee house about how sophisticated they think their own tastes in movies is, while denouncing anything with any redeeming entertainment value, even if it was a very well-done and thought-out action movie.
Watch this movie by yourself, without hearing anything about it, and without reading anything on it. Then go home and write down your thoughts.
If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I have my opinion, but that does not mean it applies to everyone. Yet I can't deny that this movie just seems to try way to hard to be an Oscar winner.
PS: If you're grossly offended at anything I said, then I suggest you relax, and stop giving me reason to believe I was right about the demographics of people who enjoy this movie.