Not the Horror Story That You Expect

Rating: 3/10 (16 July 2013)

Brutally killing and eating an expectant mom and her unborn children would make a great scene in any horror flick. I'll bet Rob Zombie wishes he had done that in The Devil's Rejects.
Disney starts the movie with this bloodbath.
Later, there is the psycho who alternates from nice guy to berserk killer. Zombie had that guy too, but you always knew that Zombie wanted you to see him as psycho. In this Disney movie, the guy who wants to eat you isn't psycho. He's just a silly silly guy.
The final scene shows a half-dozen fish trapped and slowly dying of suffocation. That's a good alternate to the standard wiggling on spikes.
Like all actors in horror movies, the fish don't even know that they are going to die.
If they do more movies like this, the phrase "don't go in the plastic bag" could become as common as "don't take a shower" or "don't go in the basement." I give it three stars for the body count. But this is supposed to be a comedy. It doesn't have Leatherface's sight gags, Chuckie's one-liners, or even Pinhead's biting sarcasm. It just has a lot of death.
You want funny? Try Jason X. Almost everybody dies, and a couple of them die more than one time.