If you cheat Death, he'll just kill ya goofy-like later, anyway.

Rating: Null/10 (11 March 2002)

I dared myself to ply this film from the shelve at Blockbuster and sit through the whole thing. It turns out I was up for the challenge! I kind of knew what I was getting myself into, but... whew! This one wasn't even laughable. It left me with a dark and unsettling fear of my bathroom and death may present itself to me in the form of a leaky toilet. Or the fear that my computer will violently explode if I spill a small amount of liquor on the monitor. Plus, I'm now afraid that ever time I hear a John Denver tune, the bell of death tolls for thee. (Except for "Thank God I'm a Country Boy!" because life really ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle.)
For those of you who haven't see the movie, you're thinking, "what the heck is he talking about?" For those of you who have, you may now hopefully begin to see the downright silliness in this film. People in this movie are killed in the same fashion as the villians in "The Naked Gun" series. But at least in those movies it was meant to be funny. But, in "Final D" (as its fans call it) death comes to some cast members in a long and complicated manner. Some may suggest to me that this is dark comedy. But, then again, some people are not very bright. After quite some time, I simply found myself shouting "just die already!" at my television. After it was all over finally, I was briefly expecting George Kennedy to come in and say, "Oh Frank! That's so horrible! My father went the same way."
But, I must admit, I'm a tad biased. I'm absolutly sick of the new current horror genre that stars hot, young stars of the WB. Horror movies went from being bad and knowing that they're bad, to be being bad and pretending to be whitty. I understand a few people were lured in with the vague promise of a horrifying plane crash scene. But if that's all you're looking for, you can watch Edward Norton's crash fantasy in "Fight Club." At least that was shown in a more tasteful manner and not just made for people who like to see other people die. (Come on! Admit it! That's the only reason people watch horror flicks. It's the violence, right? You can't tell me it's the plot!)
Another problem I had was character names. The main character's middle name is "Chance." (Whoa! Now I get it! That's such an ironic twist! HA!HA!HA!HA!) One is "Clear Waters," which is just too darn goofy. (Is she related to Muddy Waters? HA!HA! I'm on fire!) There is a William and a Valerie in the film, and "Billy" and "Val" are credited as their nicknames. Did they really need to explain THAT? It's not like I was sitting though the whole movie going, "Now are Valerie and Val the same person? How can that be?"
Another problem I had was the title. It's redundant. Is there any kind of destinations other than final ones? (Oh! What a minute. That's back to the dark ironic twist thing again, isn't it? Wow! Zing! That went way over my head!)
I won't waste our time going into the plot of even bother rating this move... I loathe it too much. So, if you happen to see this crapburger at your local video store, advert your eyes and casually walk away. Don't give into your own dares as I did.