Things that makes you go: What the F***?

Rating: 1/10 (27 December 2004)

Throughout the entire movie, I kept thinking: Death comes in all forms. Why must it kill so violently and abnormally? Come on, a sheet of glass crushing someone to death? Electrical wires from a fence slicing you into pieces? The shower cord strangling you to death? You're alcoholic beverage leaving condensation and setting your place on fire and allowing for a butcher knife to kill you? Come on! They could've gotten cancer, heart attacks, sickle-cell anemia. I mean there are plenty of ways to die. Death is not this psycho that has to kill you violently in order to maintain its "grand" design. Now, someone might say, QueenMakeda84, there's no point to the movie if they all died like that. Exactly my point! There shouldn't have even been a movie because the way Death is presented is super-de-duper whack.
And what was with the eerie black mortician? Who really gets into it like that? I like Tony Todd too, but this is not the way to go after being on Hercules and Xena. I mean, the guy was like a Shakespearean actor in a kindergarten play. Take it down a notch. And furthermore, his character was severely unnecessary. They could've googled for all that information. He seemed more like someone from Conan than of the 20th century along with the rest of the cast. And A.J. Cook, I loved you in "Higher Ground", but you're slipping with this movie. Don't get me wrong, you played the insecure girl with freaky death premonitions well, but you're better than this. I guess times are hard. Ali didn't even seem to wanna be there and I don't blame her. I think she was just waiting to be blown to pieces at the end of the movie and was hurrying it along as much as possible to get out of this disaster of an idea.
The movie honestly tried, but it couldn't bite the cheese. Maybe it was supposed to be stupid, but for my money, I better get a moral to the story or some laughs along the way. I got neither. What I did get was the impression that I'm smarter than everyone else in the film. And that, I didn't need to pay $9 for.