Dark brown-and-black rainy intensity a-go-go

Rating: Null/10 (30 May 2000)

EARLY CREATIVE MEETING, `FIGHT CLUB'.
DAVID FINCHER: Right, I'm going to direct this movie `Fight Club' from this book by Chuck Pa-something-or-other. It seems to have the potential to be one of these dark brown-and-black rainy intense films that I love to make.
PRODUCTION ASSOCIATE: What's it about?
FINCHER: It's about this bloke who's fed up with all the miserable stuff in his life and needs some sort of intense cathartic experience to change it.
ASSOCIATE: Just like your other movies!
FINCHER: Exactly. And it should be easy to make because the great thing about it is, it doesn't require any kind of emotional involvement from the audience whatsoever. They'll just watch it, marvelling at the dark brown-and-black rainy intensity of it all, as scene follows scene follows scene and they won't really have much idea what's going on or why.
ASSOCIATE: Just like your other movies! Who's in it?
FINCHER: Well, I've had Brad Pitt playing a blank-faced, fiery, violent guy for me before, so I've got him for the blank-faced, fiery, violent guy. Ed Norton seems to be quite good at looking confused and ragged, so I've got him to play the confused-looking ragged guy. And I need a fat bloke, so I've got Meat Loaf.
ASSOCIATE: Brilliant! What about women?
FINCHER: Yes, I need someone to play the woman who seems a bit mysterious and enigmatic and that, but who turns out to be a mere plot device to help the men's story along. Just like in my other movies. In this one she's a complete slut and druggie, at least partly psychotic, and with no interest in real human relationships. She's a physical mess and a mental wreck. She's whorish, neurotic, abrasive, abusive, dark and possibly suicidal. None of your pretty-pretty rosy-cheeked actress types - I need someone who will really live the role.
ASSOCIATE: Helena Bonham Carter?
FINCHER: Yes! That's brilliant! Oh, by the way, there's this great twist at the end that's a bit stupid and unbelievable and makes the rest of the movie even more confusing.
ASSOCIATE: Just like your other movies! Dave, you're a genius!
FINCHER: Yes, I am.
[MEETING ENDS. HELENA BONHAM CARTER IS CAST. CUE MUCH ACCLAIM AND ANOTHER $40 MILLION FOR FINCHER TO MAKE THE SAME MOVIE AGAIN]