Disappointment wrapped up in a hot mess with a side of seriously?

Rating: 1/10 (14 February 2015)

Though I was relatively late to the 50 Shades craze, I eventually read the series and was pleasantly surprised that it was somewhat more to it than just porn between pages of a book. However, I was curious to see how this would be translated into a movie that could be publicly released without an X-rating, yet stayed true enough to the intense sexual-ness that it was more than just a glorified Lifetime movie. Lofty expectations, I'll admit, but still possible I thought. Apparently, I was wrong. I understand people were looking for hot sex scenes because, after all, that is the core of the book. But was it really necessary to completely bypass at least a little plot and character development to get there? Again, apparently yes. It definitely helps to have read the books to get any understanding of what is supposed to be going on, but it is a small consolation after wasting two hours and spending a small fortune in tickets and popcorn. If you are going in blind, meaning haven't read the book, and just looking for some steamy sex scenes to get your motor running, you would be better off streaming free porn on the internet. At least they are honest about what you are getting. It was not the worst movie I have ever seen, though none come to mind at the moment. That being said, the only thing I left with was feeling fairly certain that, if I ever had to, I could pick out Dakota Johnson's naked breasts and buttocks in a police lineup considering how much time we were given to study them throughout the movie. Maybe the next installment should go straight to Showtime or Starz. At least I am already paying for those channels anyway.