50 Shades of Crap

Rating: 2/10 (7 June 2015)

This was a poorly written and unimaginative attempt at a remake of 9 1/2 Weeks that the author tried in vain to pass off as original. They didn't even bother to change the main character's name. Changing the spelling doesn't fool anyone. It was John Gray in 9 1/2 Weeks, which, by the way, was a great movie that was well cast, incorporated innovative details, and succeeded at emotionally committing its audience. Mickey Rourke did everything right to pull us in. Fifty Shades of Grey was garbage. The two stars I gave it are only for the decent soundtrack. I was able to stomach reading the first book and it was better than the movie, but that's not saying much. Dakota was a good choice to cast Anastasia, but Jamie Dornan was so unbelievable as Christian. He was boring. Just boring. All of his lines were read as if he was thinking, "I can't believe I got this part. I'm so glad Ryan Gosling is above this fluff so I could get a shot." If you're into flogging, go after the folks that made this waste of time and money.