Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me..

Rating: 5/10 (20 February 2015)

When the sexually naive Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) interviews billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dorman) as a favour for her friend, sparks begin to fly. Christian begins to woo her by initially sending her expensive gifts and creepily stalking her. Eventually they get together and Christian tells her he has 'singular tastes'. Mmm, what could that mean? It's a bit of an understatement to say that Christian likes a bit of bondage and he wants to be a dominant to Anastasias Submissive. Ana appears reluctant at first but soon gives in to the charms of Christian. The sex scenes get more uncomfortable as it becomes increasingly obvious Ana is getting scarred, both physically and emotionally. The film is an adaptation of the book by E.L James and luckily she didn't write the screenplay. I'm saying this as I tried to read the book and managed just five chapters as it was such a badly written and tedious read. So kudos to director Sam Taylor-Johnson for making a decent attempt at it, showing you almost can polish a turd. The female side of me loves a bit of romance but I like it with a bit less violence. In one scene Christian really whips Ana hard and she looks visibly upset but he carries on regardless. It's a very selfish relationship and I don't see what Ana gets from it. Is the name Grey being ironic? OK, he's handsome, he can play the piano and fly a helicopter but he's so dull. Throughout the film all I could think was, "Ana, what first attracted you to billionaire Christian Grey?" I'm broadminded but the contract he tries to get Ana to sign quite shocked me, it's far too explicit for me to write the details here. Dakota Johnson as Ana is one shining light in the film, she's pretty and despite early reservations I think she was well cast. There isn't great chemistry between the leads but they try their best with the slim material they have to deal with. My favourite part is when Christian gets his chopper out (his helicopter, you dirty minded buggers) as the excellent Ellie Goulding track "Love me like you do" is played. The soundtrack deserves a mention, the music is better than the film deserves. I don't get the love for Christian Grey. I get that it's a fantasy but he's controlling, selfish and cold with few redeeming features (apart from him being a rich hunk, would he have the same attention if he was on job seekers allowance?) There is a decent romantic film in there somewhere and they did a much better job than I expected. I wasn't bored and found the relationship quite interesting but ultimately it left a nasty taste in my mouth.
Verdict: I'm damning with faint praise, it's far better than it could have been, fans of the book will love it.