Cringe, just CRINGE!

Rating: 2/10 (4 March 2015)

So... the much anticipated literary phenomenon that is Fifty Shades of Grey will now forever be known as the biggest flop and worst literature to film conversion known to man of that I am certain!
It's so bad that it surpasses some attempts by Hollywood to convert classics like Austen and Dickens to film and the actors either had American accents (which is weird considering they were set in say Victorian England) or worst still the "English" accents of said American actors or vice versa (the Americans sound more Australian or South African and the English sound like country hillbillies which is painful to experience)
I was well aware that this movie was the bread part of the 50 shades trilogy (the books all three, kind of like a sandwich, book 1 & 3 are a bit bland you are not sure what the fuss is about but the filling part of the sandwich, book 2 convince you that the overall sandwich is not bad, but a sandwich is still a sandwich, you're not going to get a gourmet experience but it's better than dry bread) so my expectations were not high but it was just so blah! There was the general lack of passion or feeling, the sex yeah whatever, it doesn't automatically depict either passion or feeling and considering the film weighs on the two leads it missed the mark by a continent.
First Jamie Dorman + Christian Grey = wrong! Without going into the bad casting choice, his looks etc... he is fifty shades of f***ed up so is it so wrong to actually want to see a range of fifty different emotions on his face and I am so over the dark and broody Edward Cullen/Mr Darcy I'm so tortured hero routine (ironic I know since fifty shades began as a Twilight FF). Can a girl not get a witty, charismatic anti-hero with underlying sarcasm like Jane Eyre's Mr Rochester because without it we get the Mr Grey they just gave us, who kind of comes across as a creep (all those online memes from a few years ago about the books begin to make sense). Then Dakota Johnson's Anastasia generally had no problem with her, she was exactly the kind of mousy I expected, (no female empowerment there) but the last scene, Anastasia's reaction to the beating and though I have never experienced corporal punishment in that situation but I am no stranger to it from my childhood and let me tell you after what she experienced be it 6 or 60 hits with a belt... when the shock wears off the rage is of such a magnitude you have planned in your mind murder and revenge in 100 different ways, and then comes the shame and self-loathing and yet she, Anastasia... cool as a cucumber, a few crocodile tears -_-
So to overall it was just cringe and the two stars I gave it was actually for the soundtrack, the best part of the movie was its movie soundtrack