Awkward Boners and Wet Panties

Rating: 6/10 (16 February 2015)

I went into the theatre for this move very uninfluenced by outside sources; I had done no prior research of the storyline or plot. My only knowledge of the story was that the books were basically written porn for women to read, which somehow became publicly acceptable. Judging from this I knew that the romantic scenes would be very soft and sensual to please the lady readers who have been waiting anxiously for this movie to be released. Overall, I thought the movie was very predictable with subpar acting and unrealistic sex scenes, however, the frequent exposed breasts was a lovely touch.
The character Christian Grey is the ultimate creep, he is a billionaire that preys on average looking innocent and insecure college girls with daddy issues, and seduces them into becoming his sex slaves. This guy could clearly pull really hard the normal way by impressing women with his helicopter and multitude of Audis. Instead, he shows up at girl's work the day after he meets them to buy rope, tape, and cable ties. And then before he even swipes the V card he wants to make them sign a contract so he can "fuck (them) into the middle of next week." Our pledge class came to the conclusion that the character of Anastasia Steele was only a soft seven in this movie. In a real world, a man like Christian Grey would probably be rolling around with a hard nine European super model, or the girl from "The Wolf of Wall Street" if he were really lucky. The sex scenes were quite unrealistic in my opinion. In the scene where Anastasia lost her virginity she barely moaned when Christian Grey stuck it in with no hesitation. This simply doesn't happen; she would no doubt be making him take it slow and making plenty of noises along the way. And on top of that she was going in for seconds on the very day she lost her virginity; no way she was ready for another pounding by Christian that soon. Another problem I have is the unnecessarily large amount of pubic hair. I don't know what makes it okay to rock the bush on a 52 foot wide movie theatre screen for all to see.
It makes sense to me how girls could get off to this stuff because it fits the perfect mold of the very average girl hooking up with an attractive wealthy man. Also, girls always want to get with a bad guy and try to fix him, which usually works to no avail. Perfectly epitomized by Anastasia Steele who thinks she is special enough to soften the man who has already run through 15 different sex slaves while still in his 20s. Although we didn't get to see how the relationship ultimately ends up in the first movie, it ended on bad terms when Christian Grey whipped Anastasia Steele after she told him to, then she got mad about it; typical girl. I don't foresee the relationship ever going steady in my opinion, but I'm sure it will in the end just to please the lady readers. I guess I will have to wait for the next movie to find out, which I am no doubt going to see.
Personally, I wasn't a huge fan of the movie but I did admire Christian Grey's lifestyle and belongings, which kept me entertained throughout. I see this movie as an easy way to get a girl in the mood very quickly. So, yes, I would take a date to this movie but only if we had been going steady for a while and there had been mutual romantic gestures between us before. Otherwise, that would be an extremely awkward car ride home. Also, the soundtrack is straight fire, which is my biggest gain from this movie.