Candlelight is Burnt

Rating: 3/10 (30 May 2016)

February 26, 2016
The candlelight burns out fast with, "Fifty Shades of Grey", based on the book of the same name by E.L. James about a "Beauty & the Beast" with no steam.
It's about a young undergraduate journalism student named, Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), who gets roped into interviewing a wealthy entrepreneur/billionaire, Christian Grey, for her roommate's newspaper. After the interview, Christian begins to stalk Anastasia as he is smitten with her. After saving her from a drunken brawl, Christian expresses his interest in a subculture relationship involving BDSM (controlled bondage). Anastasia is then asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement so she can be his puppet with a closed mouth and in turn, he shows her his toys and gear in what he calls "Red Room of Pain" and it all begins from inside.
"Twilight" began as a FanFiction book that was a fun and entertaining story for teenagers. FanFiction got a kickstart when this hit the shelves back in 2011. "Adult Fanfiction" was born and now here is "Fifty Shades of Grey". To start this off, If you have read the book to which this picture is based on then you know what you are in for and it should not come as a surprise. This was not a good picture, as I anticipated it was going to be bad, I was right. So let's move one and get this over with, shall we? Millions of woman have bought into this pop-phenomenon and I can't figure out why. It's brainless and it does and shows what "Showgirls" did to expose women and make them look like foolish sex-toys. Anastasia is the muse for this as she is whipped and what looks like, "abused," for most of the picture. How does she not have any clues? She proceeds to act like an innocent victim by constantly biting her lip even after she falls through Christian's office door, just before she meets him for the first time.
Surprisingly there is very little erotic scenes and it takes up very little of the picture's running time. Instead, we are given poorly written dialogue about Christian's bad past and why he does what he does. None of it is a justice and he comes off as more of a predator than anything. He brings multiple women to his high-rise penthouse and strings them up. It's strange because he tells Anastasia that she is not the first and it makes you wonder what it is he sees in her. After thinking about it for more than 10 seconds, we really don't care and the story moves on to a yawn here and another yawn there.
Michale de Luca produces this picture and Sam-Taylor Johnson (wife of "Kick Ass", Aaron-Taylor Johnson), directs it. Who knew she was a director or had any talent behind the camera before this? She didn't and it shows because there is not much to show for it. It's pretty sad when scenes involving butter, (Last Tango in Paris), are more amusing than anything this picture has to offer. Consider the deflowering scene. Ana tells him she is a virgin and he proceeds to "take her" anyway. Before this, he tells her he doesn't "love" any woman. But that's okay for him to lie to her just so he can get his way and do what he wants.
There is no real effort here to make a good picture or tell a good story. The nudity is deceitful and not what anyone is going to expect: a shot of pubic hair here and a buttcrack there and of course, Johnson's nipples on display. What really gets me is how stupid Anastasia comes off as. She is supposed to be bright but she is laughable stupid. She acts like she hasn't a clue about anything nor does she ever say the right thing. Instead, she bites her lip again whenever Grey says something or whenever something is about to happen. There is a disturbing sequence in the film where Christian gets mad at her for "talking". His natural control freak means is to forcefully bend her over his knee, bring down her underwear and proceed to spank her. I found this humiliating and yet, she proceeds to bite her lip to no end.
We all know there is going to be a sequel to this, "Fifty Shades Darker". I hope and pray the day does not come soon where I have to review the second title. This one was awkward and painful enough to get through. One thing that stands out is how mature the theme is and it is NOT for kids or teenagers at all. For the little half of "erotic" it shows, the theme makes it more intense.