Fifty Shades of Nothing Happens

Rating: 1/10 (15 February 2015)

I really don't get the hype. The anti-rape/BDSM-butt-hurt floating around the media hype of this movie is absolutely ridiculous.
The movie floats mostly around the theme of consent. It is actually a fairly decent, albeit far-fetched, interpretation of what BDSM can be or mean to people. Did people see Rocky and say "This is a terrible representation of what boxing is." Probably. And they were cast aside. See The Green Mile and say "This is not what death row is like." Probably. And it's one of the best movies of all time.
That's actually what's disappointing about this movie (and the book, too, really) is that it could have been so much more. A seemingly taboo theme gets loads of attention; but it's so incredibly awfully made that no one particularly cares.
The movie comes off as a soap opera, an episode of The Bachelor, and an excruciatingly soft (read here: barely explicit) porno all in one.
While folks joked that they wouldn't be able to hear the movie over the din of vibrators; the loudest thing in the auditorium was actually countless men snoring, having been dragged along by their dangerously unfulfilled wives.
I'm afraid it did not receive a rose. Fifty Shades gets a big 1/10, simply because IMDb does not permit a zero. Easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen.