A terrible movie that had to be made.

Rating: 1/10 (14 February 2015)

Fifty shades is an awful film no doubt, but it had to be made no question, and here is why. Purely from an economic standpoint Comcast, that owns Universal had no choice. How could they say to their share holders that they passed on such a cash cow, allowing Warner, Fox or Sony to rake in the profits that this movie is guaranteed to make. The board meeting probably went something like this.
"We have an option on this book 'Fifty Shades of Grey- Now this one of the worst books ever to be written, but bear with me here, because this book is selling like hotcakes to desperate housewives everywhere. It's a no brainer we have to make this movie. The great thing is that we don't even need to make a good movie, it only has to be almost as good as the book, and since the book is so bad to begin with, that means that the bar is already set very low. We just can't fail.
It's not Lord of Rings, the fan base isn't looking for great quality, if they were they wouldn't have bought the book in the first place, and that means we don't need to spend much money developing the script. Neither do we need to waste money on any A list talent. Forget Tom Cruise, and Keira Knightly, just get a couple or relatively unknown actors, they don't even need to be that good as long as they can remember their lines. And we don't need to budget for a great director either. Let's face it we are not remaking Citizen Kane here, so keep Spielberg and Scorcese for another project. Heck, we don't even need to pay out for someone like Ridley Scott and he'll pretty much do anything these days. No an unknown mediocre director will do, but make sure that the director is a woman as it will help to deflect any negative PR from those folks that think fifty shades glorifies domestic abuse and the like.
Now here is the best part. Here is how we can make a ton of money out of this steaming dung pile. There are two days in the year when even the most Jockiest of alpha male guys who normally only watch action movies will happily take their significant other to see a chick flick. One is on her birthday, and the other is Valentines day. Since birthdays fall every day of the year, then February 14th has to be the release date.
Oh and as luck would have it, Valentines day this year falls on a Saturday, so not only will all the male schmucks who think taking their girl to see this pic will get them laid later, all the single ladies who don't want to be stuck inside on this evening will come out to see this movie in droves with their girlfriends.
Seriously guys, we've been handed a gift horse. Let's green light this thing and make ourselves a huge pile of cash".