50 Shades of Vanilla

Rating: 3/10 (31 August 2015)

The Dilemma To see or not to see? That was the question in my mind when 50 Shades hit the cinema on Valentine's Day. In the end I could not resist it. The hype around the book was enough to entice me to read it, however four pages in I decided to stop because I love literature way too much to do that to myself. So, without further ado, my 50 Shades Experience.
The Opinion A lot has been written about it since its release; I did not know what to believe and what to dismiss as complete nonsense, to be honest 90% of the reviews are usually utter "you know what" anyway, but I must admit the theme appeals to me and having watched films like Secretary, I was not expecting a lot from 50 Shades. The main characters, Christian Grey, the billionaire sadist who was adopted and is scarred by some sort of a deep psychological trauma caused by a rough childhood, and the perfectly normal Anna Steele, an English literature graduate with a virginal fashion sense and playful eyes. Let's get one thing straight now, Anna is definitely not a Submissive, she loves his abs, his money and his assertiveness but she is a "love hearts and flowers" sort of girl. She hates pain, she hates following the rules of a BDSM relationship and ultimately, she just wants to have children with him, not to be punished for eating three peas when she was clearly instructed to eat two. In fact, the closest to leather she seemed to had ever come before meeting him was her handbag, and even then I have a feeling she wouldn't do leather. I think that is why everyone is crying "domestic violence" after watching 50 Shades. The fact that Christian is a Dominant male (Master), whereas Anna is not a Submissive (Slave) by nature. If you are expecting to watch a romantic film with a bit of soft core, then you will probably, just about, get your fix, but if you are expecting to watch a film that delves deep into BDSM and the psychopathology behind it, I would turn around and go shopping instead. Unlike in the film Secretary, where we were introduced to the emotional suffering which contributed to Maggie Gyllenhaal's character's self-harming and submissive tendencies, we are not sure what Anna's motivation to become a Submissive is, other than a desire to be controlled but only up to an "acceptable" level. Christian is a weak Dominant too, not only submitting to Anna's every whim, but openly admitting he used to be a Submissive! I mean WHAAAAAT. Way to inspire respect C! After I realized that there would be minimal BDSM going on in the film (disappointed face), I decided to take the film for what it was. A romantic story, with a lot of vanilla sex and a minimal amount of kinkiness. And you know what? I thoroughly enjoyed it. I even shed a tear at the end. As for Rita Ora's part I think she must have appeared when I blinked.