This should be renamed "50 ways to make a crappy movie"

Rating: 3/10 (27 February 2015)

It is finally here, the movie every housewife saw opening weekend and every boyfriend was dragged to, and i feel sorry for what they had to sit through for two hours. For a book that was so highly praised by so many people this film was all kinds of terrible, from it's plot (or lack thereof) to its characters and dialogue this movie just failed to deliver in any way. Now i know i am not the target audience for this film but even if i am not the target audience i have to be able to have at least a half decent time watching it. Right from the very first Anastasia and Christian scene this move was just so cringe-worthy and a complete bore-fest. This movie did a terrible job of creating and introducing these characters, one comes across as a weird, over-controlling freak (some words i cannot include here) and the other a very confused ,dumb and poorly written woman. Whoever wrote the dialogue for this film whether it was the same as the novel or updated for the film needs to retire their writing career because the conversations between the two leads are so boring, all the lines seem very fake, like this writer has never had a normal human conversation. Most of this crappy dialogue is the writer's fault for writing it but also Jamie Dornan was just completely bland in this role, his delivery of the lines were so robotic and fake that you didn't buy what they were saying for a second. I do believe that Anastasia did a half decent job while having to portray one of the dumbest characters who is completely incapable of making any kind of rational decision. Her scenes when she is away from Christian are more bearable, it is when they are together that it just gets unbearable to watch.
Now, the plot was just so plain and simple that for a whole 2 hours the movie went absolutely nowhere. The movie was not building up to any kind of event, it was just a series of conversations and sexual activities all spaced out over the two hours. Whoever read the script and thought that THIS would be able to capture the viewers attention the whole time was dead wrong. This film did its very best to make me fall asleep, but i fought it because i had to see what stupidity they would come up with next to keep the film going. This film was just filled with many, many weird and awkward conversations that just make you wonder why on earth this woman is interested in this man and why this man is so interested in this woman. With a bit of unsexy sex thrown in there a few times and one of the worst endings in film history this movie was a disaster waiting to happen. If it wasn't for Dakota Johnson actually making her character at times amusing this would have somehow been even lower. - 2.9/10