Wow. Just wow. (SPOILERS, but who even cares by now. You know what it's about)

Rating: 1/10 (17 April 2015)

That was, without a doubt, one of the WORST movies I have ever seen in my life. There was so much wrong with this movie I can't even begin to describe it. The pacing was terrible, the characters were horrendous,the overall feel of the movie was just off putting, and every word that crept out of Christian Grey's mouth sounded like he wanted to rape the viewer. I felt personally attacked by that deranged psychopath with a tie fetish. Let's jump right into the overall problem with the movie: it's based off of Twilight. Twilight was a horrible book series, an even worse movie series, and the inspiration for a horrible fan fiction that led to a horrible book series and an even worse movie series. But what I mean is... it was a little too much like Twilight. Like the way the movie was presented made the entire first act seem like an aged-up version of Twilight with all the terrible scenes from the movie. 1) A horrible introduction to the love interest that has the bulk of the signs that they will be together being them staring at each other. 2) The man lead is a selfish and creepy ass. 3) A parking lot scene that shows that the main character is unlikable when she blows off the better guy/friend for something else. 4) Lots of awkward dialogue between the main characters. 5) No explanation as to why we should give two shits about these people. 6) Jumping WAY too fast into the "romance". Those are just the ones off the top of my head. Now let's talk about the main problem I see with this movie: THERE IS NO REASON WHY PEOPLE SHOULD FIND Christian GREY TO BE A SEDUCTIVE CHARACTER THAT DRIPS WITH SEX APPEAL. He sounds like he's going to rape Anastasia for half the movie by the way he talks and he does some extremely questionable actions through the entire movie that begs the question Why? Why does a man who takes physical and mental abuse as a turn on deserve to be the man millions of middle aged women lust after? Fabio did that for years but he never seemed rapey when he did it. Christian Grey is one of the most backward characters that has ever cursed the big screen. Oh, and let's not forget all the crimes he committed in this movie. I counted TEN by the end of the movie, but those were just the ones I saw and identified. Let's name some now! 2 counts of kidnapping 1 count of grand theft auto 1 count of selling a stolen good At least 3 counts of stalking At least 2 counts of domestic abuse And my personal favorite 1 count of rape. Yes my friends.Christian Grey, the man who brought happiness to millions of women throughout America, is a rapist. They even talk about it in the book, but as far as I know they never mention rape (I haven't read the books as I am not wasting my time reading that trash.) Alcohol is a weapon in rape cases and he sure brought the drink out many times when she was there. The writing was also atrocious. Some of those Ana/Christian conversations had me in tears over how terrible they were. It's mostly in the second and third acts if you want to look for yourself. It's like they went from being a "rapist talking to a teenage girl" to "horribly written rich male talking to dumb as a rock woman" in a few minutes. Anastasia is truly the dumbest character I have ever seen in a movie. CALL THE POLICE. HE IS MANIPULATING AND ABUSING YOU. I know most women are afraid to do this in abusive relationships, but in this case this is the only option. He stalks her everywhere she goes, he has people watching her all the time and more people keeping her friends away from her, he has kidnapped her many times when she could do nothing to stop him. He is a danger to her health and wellbeing and if she had any cells left in that 4.0 GPA brain, she'd stand up for herself and contact the authorities. THEN she would hire the best team of lawyers she can and sue that prick for every cent he has. Did she consent to most of the sex? Yes she did. Does she have grounds to sue the pants off that psycho? Absolutely. Look at the list of crimes he committed and see how much she can get him for: He beat her with a belt. (abuse) He stole her car and sold it (GTA and then sold said car) Stalked her to places when he was not needed/wanted (Georgia and the bar) Kidnapping (She was drunk and he took her to the hotel AND undressed her and slept beside her. Who knows what he did or could have done? AND she was asleep and he said he'd take her home but instead took her to the middle of the forest. There's a few red flags.) Used alcohol to get her to consent to sex due to lessened inhibitions (RAPE) Those issues aside, it was just a boring and stupid movie. The most comedy we get is Anastasia trying to figure out what buttplugs are and some fisting jokes. Overall, just a dumb movie with a lot of nudity and some sex scenes. Over-hyped, stupid, boring, and extremely uncomfortable to watch. VERDICT: 1/10 because I can't go any lower...