No Shades of Humanity

Rating: 2/10 (18 February 2015)

So I finished watching the dreaded - and dreadful - Fifty Shades of Grey. It really was a struggle to get through this movie. I only read part of the first book and thought it was problematic due to the Domestic Abuse that happens throughout the story. Although it has been somewhat toned down for the movie, it still remains the same.
I'll go through the Pros first. The cinematography, wardrobe, lighting, set direction, and soundtrack (with the exception of Ellie Goulding) was top notch. However, the old adage, "You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear" really is true in this case. Everything was very sleek, modern, and sophisticated, almost sterile, recalling Mickey Rourke's office and apartment in 9 1/2 Weeks, but on Steroids.
The Cons are everything else. Dakota Johnson's acting was probably the closest to being the most competent out of everyone and she seemed close to being human in the few moments where she asserted herself and stood up to Grey (which I wish there were more of). She did have little bits of humor I thought were cute. Otherwise, she constantly bit her lip (the Ana character also does this a lot in the book), which was annoying. Once or twice would have been okay, but it was distracting. She constantly had this sickly, unhealthy look in her eyes and face. She is supposed to be vulnerable, but there's a difference between vulnerable and just plain weak - she was definitely the latter, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Jamie Dornan fared less well. His Irish accent slipped out a few times and he seemed like he was reading through his lines instead of truly emoting or becoming Christian Grey. Not that Christian Grey is a human enough character anyway, or anyone else in this film, for that matter. My biggest problem with this film (other than the Domestic Abuse) is none of the characters seem real or true to life. The dialogue was weak, awkward, and stilted. It did not flow naturally like real dialogue is supposed to sound. Everyone, including the lead actress (although she was the most "human"), was very two-dimensional. When you watch a film, you want to feel like you're going through the character's emotions and struggles, you want the couple to get together, to overcome their problems and obstacles. That just wasn't here in this film. I struggled to make sense of why these two people even get together in the first place. In real life, I would've gotten a restraining order on this guy, no matter how "hot" or rich he is. There are several instances in which stalking takes place. She asks for space constantly and he never gives it to her. I could go on, but you get the (twisted) picture.
As far as the sex itself (which is what many people have raised a fuss about), it's nothing to write home about, although it was tastefully presented. This movie is surprisingly vanilla for a hot-button topic like BDSM. You will not see real BDSM in this film. I would suggest seeing a classic erotic film like The Story of O, 9 1/2 Weeks, Belle du Jour, or something more recent like Secretary. I have seen more explicit sex watching Cinemax at 1:30 in the morning. It was nothing groundbreaking. The sex scenes seemed more like music videos than anything. Ana doesn't even have an orgasm. For a movie that was made and produced by women, it seriously shows a lack of demonstrating to women how female pleasure should be presented on the screen.
Much has been made of the lack of chemistry between Johnson and Dornan. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I have seen lots of cinematic on-screen couples with far more heat. There were moments when there is an obvious lack of chemistry such as the scene where a photographer takes their picture at Ana's graduation ceremony. When the same picture shows up in a copy of a newspaper later on in the film, it is obvious the two clearly dislike each other (on and off the screen).
Honestly, this movie was very depressing and although I made fun of it in the beginning, toward the end I felt uncomfortable and disturbed. Even though I didn't pay for it, I felt guilty that I even watched it, even out of curiosity. This is not empowering to women and it is not a relationship anyone should aspire to. Yes, I realize it was a fantasy that E.L. James created based on Twilight fan fiction. Of course you must have a suspension of disbelief whenever you watch any film, but in this case I could not. Money and power does not excuse the fact that abusive relationships can and do exist. Real life Anas haven't been so lucky. Many of them end up in shelters, on the run and in hiding, or dead.
Does this mean anything in this movie could cause people to abuse others? Not necessarily, no. But if anything else I hope something like this starts a discussion about how we should help Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence victims get on the road to living a better life. I hope women realize a relationship with a controlling man, no matter how materially generous of physically attractive he may be, is destructive and unhealthy. I hope this inspires other filmmakers out there to make better films that show sexuality in the context of a healthy, happy relationship. That's what I hope people get out of this above all else.