Fifty shades of disappointment

Rating: 2/10 (13 March 2015)

After reading the books (first one was OK at best, the second and third were unrealistic and ridiculous), I was really looking forward to the film, especially when Dornan was cast at the last minute as I have watched him in The Fall and other shows. After seeing this however I am utterly disappointed.
Firstly, it's way too rushed. It feels like the writers just skimmed through the book completely and didn't focus on any scene in particular.
The script doesn't deviate away from the book much at all which is a major problem. Just hearing Jamie Dornan saying that he "wanted to f*** her into next week" made cringe uncontrollably. The fact that the author played such a big part in the adaptation is worrying. Her writing is abysmal. Understandably the messaging and emails had to be included but was so distracting at times but also totally pointless. Snaps have to be given for leaving out the "inner goddess" and "holy craps" that were forever mentioned in the books.
The fact that no big famous actors like Ryan Gosling didn't want any part in it should have been a hint to Johnson and Dornan. Yeah, it will get their names out there and yeah, it will boost their "star power" and fame, but when you're starring in an adaptation of Twilight fan- fiction, the alarm bells must be ringing. Plus Charlie Hunmam dropped out. Sure, he might not get the fame out of it like he could have but he has his dignity and integrity well intact.
Johnson does fit the character well. The clumsiness and innocence is well matched to the tone of the books but she is a bit uneven throughout the film.
I have prided myself for the last year or so to have been a massive fan of Dornan through his work on the Fall which is incredible. He is so believable, so creepy yet enticing, you almost don't want h to get caught. The fact he chose to even audition for this film disappoints me on a large scale. He could have brought so much to this character given the similarities Christian Grey has to his character in the Fall. He accent is wobbly at times, his facial expressions rarely change, and he looks like he would rather be anywhere else even when it's a normal scene with no sex whatsoever. I don't think I can sum up in one word how confused and disgruntled I am that he took on this role. It had not done his career any favors especially as his breakout role in the US.
I can't fault the setting and actual cinematography of the film. The locations especially Grey's apartment are wonderful and exactly how I imagined them. Snaps to the director and the crew for it. As for the actual sex scenes, I thought i would finish watching the film with my jaw on the floor or be horrified if I even saw cable ties or a riding crop in my life again. But overall I'm actually indifferent to it. None of it shocked me to my core (except for the fact that I saw Johnson's breasts so many times although that's to be expected). They weren't "hardcore" or "groundbreaking" at all. Maybe it was the fact that the scenes individually were quite short or the fact that they had to be tamer than expected for rating and such. Either way, I could have watched a cut version and not have missed them at all. The sex scenes in the Wolf of Wall Street shocked me more than any other film and they weren't even the most shocking parts.
Overall, I have been left completely underwhelmed by this film which has be advertised in my face for the last three months of my life. I bought into the hype and couldn't wait to see the movie everyone was talking about, that had booked out multiple showings and had broken box office records. Most of all I couldn't wait to see one of my favorite actors, an actor that prides himself on privacy and living out of the limelight finally hit the big time and show Hollywood what they were missing out on. If I'm being honest this should have never been adapted into a film. Mediocre writing rarely turns into movie gold. To make the second and third films in my opinion would destroy Both of their careers before they have even begun. This franchise is a sinking ship poised to sink th the bed of the ocean.