My viewing contract expired early in this one!

Rating: 4/10 (2 March 2015)

Sorry, but I am going to whip, I mean rip this film apart with my review! Oh you poor servants who have been dominated by a novel to go see the film adaptation of "Fifty Shades of Grey". Director Sam Taylor-Johnson constructs an uneven, unbridged, and unexciting film in "Fifty Shades of Grey". With all due apologies, Taylor-Johnson is the grey goose here. I think she should have spiced it up with an 80's soundtrack consisting of "Back on the Chain Gang", "Whip It", and of course "Sex (I'm A....). As most of you know, this film is about a literary student named Anastasia Steele who meets a young billionaire named Christian Grey. Grey is soft spoken and sly, but he has a fetish for bondage, S&M, whipping, etc. Grey romances Anastasia and tries to persuade her to sign a "dominant-submissive" to-be-my-lover contract. It was about this time that I felt that the filmmakers of this garbage needed was a good spanking from their studio heads; even though that is far from happening since the movie has brought in chains of box office gold. Jamie Dornan plays Grey and Dakota Johnson is Steele; Dornan was dormant with his performance and Johnson did not provide any scene-steeling work in my book. "Fifty Shades of Grey" was as shady as they come; and I mean that literally. * Failure