50 reasons not to watch this garbage

Rating: 1/10 (1 March 2015)

This movie might have been somewhat better, but its producers and directors did everything in their power to ruin the whole useless thing even further. They could've made a movie about a dumb girl with a pointless go-nowhere education, go-nowhere job who found herself in this Ersatz-Cinderella sort of story where the Prince turns out to be a monster and so on. But this is where the makers of this flop show how lost they are and how they have no idea what to do with this sorry piece of pseudo- literature. The only one minor redeeming value of this movie is the depiction of the main female characters. Both female roommates are shown as rather brainless whores one of whom finds herself stupidly confused while trying to figure out a difference between mindless whoring, prostitution, and romance. So, this Ana character keeps slowly and boringly contemplating how should she prostitute herself out to this sicko guy, although with all her dumb drinking and with her being just a loose girl she might not even remember who did what to her, when and where (getting educated but not getting smarter is what plagues her). But I am afraid that I am inadvertently making this awful movie sound more interesting than it really is. Because truthfully, this is a slow-dripping, boring, pointless crap. No, it is not really "sick". It doesn't explore any "dark sides of human nature", since the characters appear so 2-dimentional and uninteresting. No, it is not sexy. There is no attraction between the main characters and they are dull to watch. No, it is not in any way more dramatic than a wet sponge. No, there is no interesting dialog in this movie. No, there are no unexpected plot twists. Is there any plot there at all? I didn't notice any, really. No, there are no valuable lessons that could be learned from any of this. Truly, this "50 shades" thing is an empty shell of a movie based on an empty shell of a book made for empty shells of women. I just can't imagine a non-brain-dead person watching this travesty. Hollywood proves one more time that there are more than 50 ways to produce garbage that can still be sold, re-used, thrown out and re-sold again as long as there are "consumers" out there who would buy any annoyingly-marketed trash.