This was indeed, Fifty Shades of F*** up!

Rating: 3/10 (28 February 2015)

My safe word should had been 'turn off', because this movie was indeed torture, when watching. I don't know why I watch, such crap. I guess, I was really hoping the movie was going to be, 'it's so bad, it's good'; type of a movie, which it wasn't. Based off the bestselling Twilight Fan Fiction-turned erotic novel of the same name, the adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey tells the story of Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson), a naive literature student, that falls in love with wealthy Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), only to find out, a dark side about him, where Grey is consumed by the need to control everything. Can Anastasia Steele saved Christian Grey's tormented soul or will she submit to his every demand? Watch the movie to find out! Without spoiling too much of the movie, this movie was truly painful, insulting, and really dumb to watch. The movie never reaches a satisfying climax in the awful third act. The whole movie felt like just one giant setup for the sequels. A movie like this, should be a stand-alone movie, as it's the introduction piece. The movie is directionless. No wonder why director Sam Taylor-Johnson & author E. L. James fought endlessly about the film's direction. I went into this, with extremely low expectations. I was really trying to give this movie, a chance, because the source material was already pretty bad. I knew, coming in, that movie wasn't going to be in the same highbrow levels of writing, that great taboo erotic films, had such as 1962's Lolita or 1967's Belle de Jour. After all, the book was indeed, hilarious bad, with its bad dialogue, awkward story-telling, and unrealistic tone. A lot of the story seem clichés, influence, or rip off from better works, like 2002's Secretary & 1972's Last Tango in Paris. Much of the novel's charm, come from the laughable narrative and outrageous sex scenes. I was really looking forward to that. Sadly, it didn't have, any of those things. Since the narrative was indeed missing from the film; it was really hard to connect to what Anastasia was really feeling, during her time with Christian. It was a lot more define and clear in the book, because we understood, what kinky stuff, she was passive for, and what she wasn't. It's hard to figure out, here, because the sex was too tame and similar. One minute, she's having an organism, and then she's having fears for her safety. What? It doesn't help that most of the dialogue that they were feeding her, are very confusing, convolute, inconsistent or hypocritical. She says, she love Grey even though there are hardly anything that justifies it. She barely knows him. She has been told over and over again that Grey doesn't do romance, yet she's forcing herself to do this, for reasons, that are never explained. I guess, it's there to show, now naïve and inexperience; young women are, when it comes to love, but it comes across as too annoying childish for a serious adult melodrama. I really don't hold it, against Dakota Johnson's acting, because that felt more to the writers faults for not fleshing out their characters more. Johnson actually makes the whole thing pretty bearable thanks to her coy sense of humor. Even during the handful of serious parts, she really sells her character's innocence and struggle. Meanwhile, Jamie Dornan as Grey is just awful with his wooden delivery. Honestly, he's the weaker of the two leads. Due to the movie portraying him as a mysterious complex person, we don't really see any good redeeming likable qualities with his character, besides Grey's money and his looks. It's feels odd, for Anastasia to have feeling for him, because his cons really out-weight his pros. She really have to blindfold, to not see the mentally unstable, stalkerish, and manipulative, that he's putting out. He's almost rife with misogyny. The connection between the two seem too much of a fantasy. It didn't help that both actors, had little to no chemistry with each other, both in the sex scenes and their dialogue exchanges. Both looks very uncomfortable. Simply put, romantic leads, Johnson and Dornan do not like each other. The movie sex scenes were lame, compare to the edgy nature of the novel. The film, tease the audience, with all the weird things in the red room, but all you see, is nearly normal sex. The film tones down or removes most of the creepier parts of the book, including the infamous "tampon scene" to get an R rating than an X rating. I don't know if that it was the wisest decision. While, yes, it makes the audience more comfortable, watching the film; it also makes the movie, a bit safe and dull. Nothing, they did was really that strange. This movie does an incredibly poor job of portraying BDSM culture. The film also a bit sexism, when it comes to nudity. Clearly, this movie is made for women, and there is barely any male nudity. Dakota Johnson does all full frontal and it's Rated R, but if the man does it, it's turn into a rated X movie. Very odd. While, the sex scenes are nothing to look at. The way, how the rest of the movie was shot was beautiful. This is one of the highlights of the film, besides the use of establish songs as background music. While, the book and movie seem silly at first glance, it does have a somewhat harmful message that the studios is willing to mislead the audiences for, for money. The movie acts like a romance movie, when in truth, it's a movie with a lot of abuse. Why would anybody fantasize being in extremely emotionally abuse relationship like this? It's odd that many of older woman's fantasy is a book that demeans women. Overall: This movie is pretty awful. Don't recommended, watching. This is 50 Shades of not okay.