Fifty Shades of Ney

Rating: 2/10 (13 February 2015)

If you like good movies, then this is not for you. If you like movies that are so bad they are good, then this is not for you. This movie is bad. Plain and simple. I've never read the book, nor do I have any intention to ever in my life especially after this movie whom some have even said was better than the book, which means the book is horrible. I know fangirls will strongly disagree and praise the movie regardless of how terrible it is though. It's almost like people who love this movie have never had sex and seeing such badly acted love/bondage scenes on-screen makes their ovaries burst. I have seriously seen bad porn with better acting and plot development than this. Seriously. I'm not just bashing this movie to go along with the masses, it truly is an unbelievably horrible movie. The leads were just bad and not even that sexually appealing. The directing was decent, but that doesn't save the movie from its horrible script and terrible delivery. Even Martin Scorsesse couldn't turn such a horrible book into a good movie. Sadly, this movie is critic proof. No matter how horrible and honest the reviews are, the fangirls and tweens will stampede to the theater and turn this into a franchise that will probably mean the final book will get a two part movie. I love sex. I love freaky sex with a freaky sexy woman. I love porn on occasion. Aside from a sexy woman, this movie combines all of those elements in the worst way. I do give kudos to James Dornan not for his horrible acting, but his decision to join the cast. The movie may be horrendous, but you cant deny that he will become a sex symbol because of it. I give it 1 star plus 1 bonus star because one up side is that women will appreciate men in suits a lot more after this. Not that they don't already.