Who thought this was a good idea?

Rating: 1/10 (15 September 2017)

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY is a film every bit as bad as you've heard. The screen adaptation of the best-selling erotic novel exploring the topic of bondage, you can tell this started out as a piece of Internet fan fiction, based on the TWILIGHT saga, that became inexplicably popular. It's like a cheesy Mills & Boon romance with some unexpectedly dark subject matter involving violence against women, and yet some women seem to get a kick out of this. I don't see why.
As a film, this is a dog. Badly-scripted by someone with a tin ear for natural-sounding dialogue, and with embarrassingly wooden performances from the two leads. The much-hyped sex scenes feature extensive nudity and lots of athletic moments, but not once is any of it erotic or appealing. Instead it feels cheap, tawdry, and rather sleazy. I can't believe they've made sequels, either.