"I had a rough start in life...that's all you need to know."

Rating: 3/10 (17 July 2016)

He's a billionaire CEO, handsome and single and 'clean,' she's a virginal English-lit major who's been waiting for the right guy to come along...so what's the problem? Turns out the shady Christian Grey has a playroom full of S&M equipment and asks his latest conquest to enter into a contractual agreement for her to be his submissive sex partner. Adaptation of E.L. James' bestseller seems a little white bread from the outset: she happens to work in a hardware store, he comes in to buy tape and rope (!); he says he doesn't 'do' romance, yet there is an awful lot of kissing and canoodling and pillow talk (set to a soulful soundtrack); she asks for a contractual meeting (with a wink) to tell him of the sexual things she absolutely will not do (no anal or vaginal fisting for our heroine). This derivative, glossy movie hedges its bets, wanting to shock and titillate viewers while at the same time make the sex games as palatable as possible to seem romantic. Unfortunately, in a set-up like this one, there's really nowhere for the narrative to go once the action moves into and out of the bedroom. There are no surprise twists. Dakota Johnson asks Jamie Dornan to punish her because she's breaking the rules by wanting more from the relationship than he can give her; he obliges, she submits and they both end up feeling lousy. Not as lousy as the audience is likely to feel. *1/2 from ****