Crazy In Love? Not So Much.

Rating: 4/10 (13 March 2015)

Fifty Shades Of Grey is a strange movie to even exist. It's based on the erotic novel of the same name by E.L James, which itself is a slight tweak on her online fan-fiction 'Master Of The Universe', which in itself is based on the characters from Stephanie Myers Twilight. So basically we have gotten to the point where one horny woman's fantasy about two horribly written characters is able to become a big budget movie ...dear god, what have we done.
Positives first of all. Cinematography is glorious and beautiful to behold, from warm oranges and reds to cold blues and blacks, Seamus McGarvey has given life to what could have been a visually unexciting film. Director Sam Taylor-Johnson clearly knows what she wants and is not held back by the material, choosing to shoot creatively and get the most of what she has, the combination of Taylor Johnson and McGarvey has given us technically well made film. A film that is enhance by it's score and soundtrack. Ellie Gouldings uplifting 'Love Me Like You Do' and Beyonce's remix of her now classic 'Crazy In Love' add to their scenes with a large sweeping scale and a rousing intensity respectively. Danny Elfman's score may just be my favorite part of the film. stripped back and elegant, it makes for a great listen outside of the film (I recommend the track Ana and Christian)
That may seem like a lot of positives, and it would be, but the film fails so badly in every other area that it's hard to consider the above positives - whats the use in great cinematography when the stars that fill your frame are as lifeless as wooden planks? Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan have zero chemistry, I don't put this down to the actors though, lines such as 'fifty shades of f@#ked up' cannot be said by anybody naturally, I blame it on the source material. When I said Taylor Johnson didn't allow the source material to hold back her direction, I wasn't lying, but it seems everyone else did. The script, while I've heard is actually an improvement on its print counterpart' is full of plot holes, missing character motivations, basic development even ...and this is meant to be a faithful adaption so if nothing else I blame E.L James for being an inept writer.
This is a case where I feel getting as far away from the source material would have benefited the film greatly, I don't think the books fans would even mind if the film had a better script because lets face it, a 2 hour long fan-fiction is not something anyone wants, Fifty Shades Of Grey should have been one of two things: an erotic fantasy that fully embraces its stupidity, or a self aware, subtle satire of the book. It ended up as neither and instead is a shell, a beautiful shell, but a hollow, empty shell none the less.