Grey Matter Not Detected

Rating: 1/10 (7 April 2015)

This movie was simply awful. It's so awful that I now can't decide which I hate more, the book or the movie. Although the movie brought the book's characters to life, they were characters that were already hollow and distasteful, so actually seeing them on screen was an even bigger turn-off than reading about them in the books. On top of that, there was no chemistry between the two leads. I guess Jamie Dornan did a marginally better job than his female counterpart (Dakota Johnson) but being a decent actor in a crappy movie isn't really something to be proud of. Dakota Johnson, on the other hand, seemed to choose to portray her character from 2 alternating angles -- one minute she's obtuse, then another minute indifferent (almost bored, even). It's no wonder Christian Grey preferred spanking her, if only to evoke some sort of spirited or passionate reaction. If I were to ever know a person like Anastasia Steele (as she was portrayed by Dakota Johnson) in real life, I'd be inclined to think she was a little slow.
My overall impression of the movie was that it tried too hard to be some form of classy softcore porno with unending sexual suggestions callously injected into almost every scene and dialogue. How does one try so hard yet fail so miserably? The movie trudged along too slowly then went around in circles without actually going anywhere.
What were they thinking?!