Everything about this movie says "terrible", but I still had a great time watching.

Rating: Null/10 (24 August 2011)

SUMMER. IS. HERE. I am so happy because these are the best movies of the year. I gagged and giggled a little while typing that out whatever, I am an eternal summer flick sucker. The only thing better than seeing a summer flick is seeing one at midnight. Sadly, no midnight movies in Maine
On to the veggies: Fast Five or Fast and the Furious Five or FF or FFF. I was not a fan of these movies until a the last one came out. Not really not a fan, but I just had never watched them. Big mistake on my part. To date, this has been one of the most entertaining series of films other than the Delta Force movies. I was so excited about this movie for three reasons:
1) THE ROCK. The star studded (?) cast of FFF could only be improved by adding Dwayne THE ROCK Johnson. He has beefed up and has that strangely sweaty chin-hair, but still won't go by THE ROCK. Maybe when he gets back to wrestling here shortly. I suspect he brought his own writer over from WWE (WWF, I don't follow FAKE wrestling) since his line were some of the stupidest one-liners I have ever heard. I've seen Arthur and Your Highness and I laughed more at FFF than both those movies. ROCK was not the only culprit – the rest of the cast had absurd dialog that matched the over-the-top action.
2) Speaking of THE ACTION!! Fast and Furious = hot people racing cars. Huuuuuge letdown in this department. Racing on straight streets, total CGI racing action, and (this made me mad) skipping over the only real street racing scene in the entire movie. I could go on about the physics of towing a 10 ton bank with two muscle cars – coefficient of friction and all – but the internet has that covered.
3) Seeing movies with my friend QUEER. That's right, we live over 1000 miles away, but we got to see FFF in the same theater. We laughed. We laughed some more. We complained. We got drinks at the gay bar. Queer is responsible for my terrible movie tastes and love of movies in general. No better way to see a film.
Fifth in the series is always iffy. Everything about this movie says "terrible", but I still had a great time watching. Not to spoil anything, but it looks like we might have a few more movies. Hopefully Vin Diesel will stick with the series until his wattle is wrinkled and dangling.