Pretty average, shallow story, what else did I expect?

Rating: 4/10 (27 May 2011)

Fast and Furios has been going for a while now and while no one pretends that they're great works of art, for however many millions it cost, a blind, gimp monkey could do a better job. This particular installment seems particularly dull, however. The plot is pretty stupid, the one moral character in the story throws away everything she believes in and even the Rock can't help this dismal outing. Here's the lowdown:
Plot: *Some* cars (not as many as you'd like), a harebrained plot to rip off a drug dealer (al a Ocean's Eleven) and the Rock busting some pretty weak moves not seen since his WWE days. Some really dumb drag racing in police cars because I think the director realised that there isn't too much actual racing in this film. And that's really the let-down: they've eschewed the only good thing about the series (the cars) and replaced it was a dumb and unoriginal heist plot. The timeline is also skewed. This one fits in before Tokyo Drift, but I'm not sure where in relation to #4 (presumably afterwards).
Script: Poorly written. The characters don't do anything particularly stupid (they don't do anything particularly good either), but they waste a lot of time. For instance, they try to come up with a scheme to break in (I won't say where) which involves trying to drift around some corners, and then just abandon the idea when it gets too hard. WTF? It's substandard writing.
SFX: Not too bad, but nothing really spectacular.
Characters: Meh.
Overall, it's pretty weak. This film feels like it had a low budget, and tries to pretend it really had more money than it did. The first Fast and Furious was actually okay, mostly because it had neat cars and a reasonable plot (even if it wasn't done very well). The next one was pretty crap. Tokyo Drift was likewise crap, but I actually didn't mind it. Then number 4 was average with a really dumb plot and lost the hottest chick in the series, and now Fast 5 continues that. At least it's consistent.
Anyone who tells you that they're supposed to be like this, they are what they are etc etc, is retarded. In reality, good films actually have decent plots, nice cinematography and well-written characters. A movie about cars can have a reasonable story (it's not that hard) and be well acted. What these people really meant to say was, "These films have been badly written by a pair of monkeys, unimaginatively shot by a sloth and half-assedly directed by a chicken, but I have no imagination and I liked it".
4 out of 10.