Fast Five (2011)

Rating: 5/10 (3 October 2019)

Directed by Justin Lin. Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Jordana Brewster, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Sung Kang, Tyrese Gibson, Gal Gadot, Joaquim de Almeida, Elsa Pataky, Matt Shultze, Tego Calderón, Don Omar, Michael Irby. (PG-13)
With Walker firmly on the wrong side of the law now, Diesel and his "family" hightail it for Rio where they plot to lighten a crimelord's wallet by about $100 million. Meanwhile, federal agent and bounty hunter Johnson assembles a team to extract our dopey heroes and bring them to justice. As dumb and loud as one would expect from the fifth entry of this astonishingly venerable series, it's more in the spirit of heist movies like "The Italian Job" and "Ocean's Eleven" than the muscle car drive-in fodder that inspired the first few pictures. Whenever it attempts even a scintilla of dramatic/emotional underpinning, take a bathroom break, 'cause the only reason to tune in is for a series of thunderingly absurd action set pieces, which are mostly pretty entertaining (the big throwdown between Diesel and Johnson, though, has zero suspense since they both give and take blows like they were Terminators). Within about five minutes of his first appearance, one would prefer getting a foot crushed under a car's tire than hear another one of Gibson's obnoxious wisecracks; in fact, just muting it altogether would be for the best, provided the viewer's mouth is hydrated enough to constantly make their own "vroom vroom!" noises.
54/100