Did a monkey get access to a typewriter again?

Rating: 1/10 (17 June 2013)

Does any writer actually know what Interpol does? Really? None of them seem to. Most blockbuster hacks like the dribbling baboon that wrote this garbage seem to think it is literally the "international police", but all it takes is a 10 second search and a quick squiz of the wikipedia article to find out Interpol is a bunch of deskbound intelligence analysts and little more - certainly not the gun-tooting American clichés that are depicted in this film.
As a budding writer it astonishes me that stuff like this gets made. There are no literary devices. There is no character arc. No exposition. No personality. It is nothing more than a stunt reel of car chases (some of which, to my frustration, used CGI, the use of which spoils any real tension). There is not a brain cell in its entire two hour body.
Not a single shot to inspire or charm. Not a single moment of inspiration. There is nothing here. It is like ordering a hamburger and getting two slices of bread - where is the meat, and all the things that enhance its flavour? Who are these people on screen I am meant to care about? Why should I care? The movie never even tries to reel you in. It just tosses the net into the sea and hopes to get a catch.
Lack of ideas/authenticity/effort to one side, the story is nothing but a slap in the face to any intelligent adult. What do you do when you have an international crisis on your hands? Do you comb through government employees for savvy specialists, investigators and special forces operatives? Do you source police experts, seasoned FBI detectives and forensic criminalists?
OF COURSE NOT. IDIOT. You recruit a retired bunch of untrained, utterly unqualified, convicted car thieves and thugs to hunt down an international fugitive, because that is the most logical course of action. Makes complete sense.
Then again, in this world every country except America is completely inept at catching crooks and couldn't handcuff a bag snatcher unless Vin Diesel and the Rock were pinning him down.
Oh, and there's British crooks with easy access to automatic firearms in downtown London cooking off rounds like it's going out of fashion. And somehow a bunch of convicted criminals are allowed to carry guns in London without any training/qualifications and nobody bats an eyelid. Very authentic.
Makes Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters look like Gone with the Wind by comparison.