Nothing Fantastic About It

Rating: 3/10 (27 January 2006)

Well, after a big slump, comic book movies have made a comeback. This year already had a few entries. Batman Begins and Sin City were both exceptional, and Constantine was at least decent. Sure Elektra was also around for 2005, but we'll just forget that one exists. The final of the five major releases this year was The Fantastic Four. Now, Marvel had plenty of well-accepted conversions in the past (X-Men and Spider-Man for example), though others (like Hulk and The Punisher) didn't fare so well. Which side does The Fantastic Four fall on? The basic premise of The Fantastic Four, to make a brief comparison, is like that of The Hulk, except a little bit dumber. Basically, Dr. Reed Richards (Gruffudd) and his partner Ben Grimm (Chiklis) are a pair of scientists who have hit some hard times. When they find out that a cosmic storm is about to pass Earth, the employ the resources of billionaire Victor Von Doom (McMahon) to test out how it would affect human DNA by bringing a sample to his shielded space station. So, Reed, Ben and Victor head off to the space station, along with Victor's current flame, Sue Storm (Alba), who also happens to be Reed's ex. The final member of the team is Sue's brother Johnny (Evans), who, despite being an immature womanizer, is somehow a spaceship pilot. How he managed to become a pilot is unknown, though it does say that, in the future, we really must have lowered our standards. Also, why they send these five when it seems that Ben is the only one with space experience is a little puzzling.
Anyways, when they get there, the storm is apparently moving much faster than first thought, and they all get hit with it before the shields can react. This causes them all to get certain special powers. Ben turns into rock and gets intensified power. Sue can turn herself invisible and create force fields. Johnny can turn himself into fire and fly. Reed can stretch his body like a rubber band (surprisingly only one reference to his genitals, just for us Mallrats fans). The four of them become quick celebrities, dubbed the Fantastic Four by the press. Victor, on the other hand, sees his company go down the tubes due to the failure in the space station, and, with his power to control electricity, is now lashing out.
Victor never does get to wreak havoc like Norman Osborne (aka The Green Goblin) did in the first Spider-Man. In fact, no havoc is really wrought at all. It seems the whole movie is just about the four of them interacting until the final half hour, at which time Victor goes a little nutters. Up until then, we have absolutely zero action scenes, unless you count a big rescue scene early on.
So, what exactly fills this middle up? It mainly revolves around Grimm, aka The Thing, who is the only one of the four who cannot turn back to normal form. He is understandably ticked and Reed is trying to invent a machine to reverse the process and return Ben to normal. The other part of the movie revolves around Johnny, aka The Human Torch, who has taken to his powers and wants to exploit them to become a celebrity. It's all well and good in theory, but the lack of action really does hurt.
The other plot point, as you probably could have guessed, is the flame rekindling between Sue and Reed. It does seem obligatory, and overall just doesn't work. Gruffudd and Alba have very little chemistry together, making their romance just seem fleeting. Then you have to factor in the fact that Alba is far too young for the role. While Gruffudd is sporting some grey hair, Alba still looks in her mid-twenties, showing off plenty of cleavage and bleach-blond hair. Basically, she is the walking rack of the movie. Gruffudd isn't much better himself, showing that he is by no means a leading man. Chiklis is pretty good underneath the giant foam suit that is The Thing, and Evans, even if you have to hate his character's guts, does a decent job as the a-hole of the four.
The movie could at least be a little better if it took itself even a little bit serious. Grimm's torment and Johnny's ego are both subjects that could be dealt with in a way that actually affects the audience. The way that it decides to go is basically as a huge comedy, with lame jokes everywhere (mainly spouted out by Evans), only of which one or two are actually grin-worthy. Especially annoying is one sequence that seems like something that would fit better in an episode of The Real World. This feels less like a comic book movie and more like a wannabe spoof.
Well, the best thing I can say about The Fantastic Four is that it as at least tolerable. I can sit through it without gagging much, unlike some other comic books movies, such as Hulk or Batman & Robin. Still, there really is no value to seeing this either. It completely lacks on action, the jokes are lame, the acting is mediocre and the plot is pretty ridiculous. It's not necessarily what a comic book movie shouldn't be, even if it does contain a lot of aspects that say otherwise, but it has nothing that a comic book movie should have. Overall, it is just a waste of time. There is nothing even mediocre about this, let alone fantastic.
Overall Rating  32%