"Dude... where's your... ears? " - Johnny Storm (in response to The Thing)

Rating: 5/10 (8 July 2005)

During the summer, you always get a couple of flicks that are simple-minded and non-intelligent but wildly entertaining and fun to watch popcorn action movies. Well, that's exactly what 'Fantastic Four' is, a brainless but kick-ass superhero movie that brings honor to the comic book. It's also so much better then the terrible (not to mention laughable) 1994 original adaptation of the popular action comic. This version has a lot of action/fight sequences, some good but ultimately cheesy comic relief, some sappy love scenes between Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Girl, and some positive and wholesome life lessons at the end. It's the so-so typical super-hero film, but I enjoyed myself most of the time watching it.
The 'familiar-for-fans' story follows two astronauts, Reed Richards (Ioan Grufford - King Arthur) and Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis - The Shield). Reed is an inventor, and Ben is a pilot. They propose a project to a millionaire running space missions, Dr. Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon - Nip/Tuck), he accepts, and they go on an experimental mission in space. Along with them, goes Victor's girlfriend, Sue Storm (Jessica Alba - Sin City) and her cocky, wise-ass younger brother, Johnny Storm (Chris Evans - Cellular) who was fired from NASA for getting it on with two Victoria Secret models in a flight simulator. The five go off into space for the mission, when something goes terribly wrong and all five have their DNA molecules disrupted by cosmic rays. Afterwards, they develop powers. Reed develops an ability to stretch his body like rubber giving him the name Mr. Fantastic, Sue develops the power to turn herself invisible giving her the name Invisible Girl, Johnny develops a power to turn himself into fire giving him the name the Human Torch, and Ben gets transformed into a giant molten rock man giving him the name 'THE THING'. The four decide to use their powers for good until they can get back to normal, but Victor who develops the ability to control electricity abuses his power and uses it for his own selfish reasons, killing people who get in his way. Victor takes the name 'Dr. Doom'. The movie then becomes the Fantastic Four's mission to stop the crazy, ruthless and diabolical Dr. Doom from taking over the world... Will they be able to stop him?
The 2005 version of 'Fantastic Four' has some awesome action sequences you can really get in to, but some of the screenplay's dialogue flat out sucks. I'd say a good 10-15% of the film's dialogue is beyond the point of cheesy and hangs on the edge of being ridiculous. But, you got to remember that 'Fantastic Four' is a kids superhero movie, and you can't expect Oscar worthy screen writing (they don't have Tarantino or Scorsese scripting these flicks). Tim Story does a surprisingly fine job with directing, since his last film was 'Taxi' with Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah, and we all know how much of a catastrophe and utter embarrassment that movie was. The acting is actually pretty steady for this kind of film. Ioan Gufford does a good job as the lead, Jessica Alba is acceptable as Invisible Girl, Julian McMahon plays a great villain, Chris Evans provides much needed comic relief and The Shield's Vic Mackey (oops, I mean Michael Chiklis) is absolutely friggin' awesome as The Thing. There are many funny moments in 'Fantastic Four' and that's always a plus in a superhero movie. There's also eye-popping visuals and Stan Lee has a brief part as Willy Lumpkin, Reed Richard (Mr. Fantastic's) friendly and elderly mailman.
When it comes down to the wire, 'Fantastic Four' is a so-so movie. It isn't necessarily a good film, but it is a far-cry from bad. It's one of the better super-hero films, and in my opinion better than 'The Hulk' and last year's most overrated pile of junk 'Spider-Man 2'. It doesn't hold a candle to 'Batman Begins' as the summer superhero movie, but hey, if you enjoy crap getting blown up, some funny one-liners, Jessica Alba in bra and panties and don't mind leaving your brain at the door, well, then, 'Fantastic Four' might just be the movie for you. However, I can't recommend you seeing it in the theaters. I'd say wait for video, it's a definitely worth the rental fare. Grade: C+ (screened at AMC Deer Valley 30, Phoenix, Arizona, 7/8/05)
my ratings guide - A+ (absolutley flawless); A (a masterpiece, near-perfect); A- (excellent); B+ (great); B (very good); B- (good); C+ (a mixed bag); C (average); C- (disappointing); D+ (bad); D (very bad); D- (absolutley horrendous); F (not one redeeming quality in this hunk of Hollywood feces).