A flash in the pan...

Rating: 1/10 (21 July 2005)

...that's all this movie is. From the creative genius of Avi Arad comes another big-budget, low-intelligence superhero flick. Following in the footsteps of such fine films as Elektra and The Punisher, we have a group of government scientists who are bombarded with cosmic rays in space and given super-powers. Why does this movie suck so bad?
1) Characters/Acting: I mean, how do you expect me to believe these people are a team? The comic book FF are like a family, with Sue being a mother-like figure, and Reed being the grizzled leader of the group. You don't get that feeling in this movie. While Reed is busy moping because Sue is sleeping with Victor Von Doom, Ben Grimm is busy feeling sorry for himself and Johnny has gone to join the X-Games. This is characterization? Anyway, another thing that irked me was the similarity in origin between Victor Von Doom and Norman Osborn. I mean, from the firing of the villain by his board of directors, to the concept of being in a freak accident, to the long and drawn out speeches the villain does, you could just change the two guys around and everything would still be the same. As for the acting, with the exception of Michael Chiklis, all the actors sucked horribly. Here's a suggestion: the next time Marvel casts a movie, maybe they should try to get an ACTUAL actress, instead of a woman who is only in the plot for T&A scenes.
2) Plot: all in all, forgettable. If you gained the ability to generate fire or have rock skin, wouldn't you be a little bit freaked out? Not if you're Johnny Storm! Instead, you go skiing and join a motocross team. Good job! Scenes like Ben's wife leaving her ring on the ground and Sue and Reed's discussions about their relationships were essentially meaningless. When you know what's going to happen at the end of the movie, there's no point in even seeing it. Reed gets Sue, FF defeats bad guy, I've seen it many times before.
3) Plot holes: including, but not limited to: Ben being able to turn back into the Thing in less than 5 minutes, a heat-seeking rocket trailing Johnny when he's not even generating fire (possibly not a plot hole), no one even bothering to arrest any of the FF at the bridge, even when Ben Grimm caused the whole accident in the first place, no explanation on how the travellers get back from space after being hit with the cosmic rays, and most importantly, the fact that when you superheat an object, then cool it down, IT EXPLODES. It doesn't harden. For a guy who talks about Biology 101, Reed is an idiot.
Bottom Line: You're better off watching Batman Begins.