Could've been better, certainly. Much better.

Rating: 4/10 (20 July 2005)

Before I turn this into a scathing review similar to my review of the remake of Dawn of the Dead (which I'm slightly tempted to do), I realize that I cannot do that and tell the truth about this movie. This really was not a waste of the money I spent to see this in the theaters, for the simple reason that it is fun to sit down and watch. Once. No more.
But what makes this movie fun? Is it watching the pretty special effects as Jessica Alba turns herself invisible, or as Ioan Gruffudd stretches himself out into unimaginable proportions? Perhaps it's watching the hilarious Chris Evans as he plays the Human Torch and tries to annoy Michael Chiklis in any way possible.
And... hate to say it, but that's about it. Yup. The two truly good points lie in the special effects and Chris Evans' performance as the teenage pyro.
The storyline. Ah, this is nice. Some outside force from space affects four otherwise ordinary astronauts in slightly inexplicable ways (a vague "alteration of DNA" is referenced), and suddenly they gain the ability to do amazing things, like light themselves on fire, stretch all parts of their body, become invisible, or even permanently become some rock... beast... thing. The story goes on to reveal the antagonist, how the antagonist is defeated, and that the guy gets the girl. Yup. Sounds like a pretty typical action movie. Unfortunately, nothing the story, script, or even the action does really rises above the average. One major fault of the storyline lies in its predictability. Of COURSE Ben Grimm is going to be resentful that he is stuck as a hideous rock-beast while the others can turn their powers on and off. Of COURSE he's going to do whatever he can to reverse the power, no matter the cost to him or to his friends. It just felt very unoriginal, and predictable. I've heard it said that Chiklis' performance was the best of the lot. I wholeheartedly disagree, for the simple reason that it was just so predictable. Evans, on the other hand, was a fun character to watch, whereas Ben Grimm's life after the accident was simply a sob story, and an overused one at that.
Perhaps it was poor timing to be released relatively soon after the Incredibles, a rather similar movie. It just felt like the Incredibles without the wit. And I'm going to get lynched for comparing such a famous group of heroes for an animated recent movie, but considering I'm not a comic fan, I have nothing literary in nature upon which to base this review.
In other words, I don't care if it's true to the comic, which it may or may not be. The fact remains that the storyline, the script, and the movie as a whole remains wholly unimpressive. The music was, put simply, forgettable. I don't remember it at all as I type this, having seen the movie a few days back.
And yet I liked this movie. I really did. I said it already, but Chris Evans really did do a good job with his role, and it seemed to fit him perfectly. The movie just could have been a lot better, perhaps if it had strayed more (?) from the comic's storyline, and given us an intriguing tale, rather than one more of Grandpa's boring old yarns. Rent it. You'll only need to see it once.