Fantastically mediocre

Rating: 4/10 (11 July 2005)

The Fantastic Four isn't as bad as most reviews you have probably read make it out to be. I loved the comic as a kid but haven't read an issue in more than 20 years. With that in mind, I went into the theater with two wishes for the film: 1) Don't let this film be as bad as The Hulk, and 2) Let the effects look realistic. It barely granted my wishes on both counts.
While not as boring as The Hulk, the effects were largely unimpressive. However cheesy the special effects looked, I was willing to suspend disbelief enough to barely enjoy the film because of how realistic "The Thing" looked. Because of the wise choice to use makeup and NOT CGI effects, the result was a realistic "unLucasy" believability if you will. Unlike General Grievous, Jar-Jar Binks and the other legions of fake-looking characters in the newer Star Wars films, The Thing looks like he is truly in this world and not on some bluescreened soundstage.
Now if only there were a story. Someone else's review called this film "The Fantastic Four with Nothing To Do." That description is accurate. The only plot line is for our heroes to "not die" as Dr. Doom attempts to kill them. Even for an "origin" or "setup" story, any fan off the street who had read more than three issues of the comic as a child could have written a far more interesting story during his/her playtime break during 2nd grade recess. I enjoyed the casting choices, even if Johnny was a bit over the top.
As for the "humor" in this movie, if you like the comedian Carrot Top, then this film's right up your alley. If you enjoy "Hogan's Heroes" reruns, you'll guffaw outloud. If you consider the 1980s TV show "Sledge Hammer" classic comedy and actually used to set the timer on your VCR to record third-season "A-Team" episodes, then this film's for you. If you were always confused by the complexity of the mysteries in "Murder, She Wrote" then this film's for you. Enjoy! The bottom line: Wait and RENT the DVD. If it's on sale for $9.99 you'll be tempted to buy it and try it out, but only do so if you're prepared to pay $9.99 for a glossy coaster.