Fantastic Visuals; Boring Story

Rating: 7/10 (28 July 2005)

Let's agree on this first: the FANTASTIC FOUR is a beautiful movie to look at. The visuals and f/x are top-notch. The casting was dead-on. Even the costumes and sets, especially the Thing's makeup, are a fanboy's dream. Mr. Fantastic was a stretching machine moving in positions only seen previously in a comicbook. The Human Torch's flame mode was realistic and exciting. Sue's invisibility and force fields were visually cool and Dr. Doom's cloak and face plate was definitely neo-Goth. Not forgetting the aforementioned Thing, the make-up crew proved that CGI wasn't necessary to pull off the effect.
Now the praise has been administered, there is only one real question that needs to be asked: why couldn't the story have been just as good?
Forget the 40+ years of comicbook history that this film uses as a cornerstone, what makes a good comicbook superhero movie, as both X-MEN and SPIDER-MAN films have financially proved, are characters that the everyday movie-goer can relate to. Michael France and Mark Frost's script tries to display the modern-day, nuclear family set-up that this team shares, unlike their mutant colleagues, however they drastically fail by not allowing proper, natural character building. No chemistry exists between Reed and Sue, which is tragically ironic seeing as how they both play scientists (and Jessica Alba cast as a scientist is truly science- fiction), while Von Doom postures like a whining trust-fund kid. The only true characterization shown revolves around the Thing, coupled with some of the Torch's antics. How can a film that only needs to focus on four central characters  and one villain  fail at this?
Perhaps some of the blame should be portioned out to director Tim Story who, along with editor William Hoy, cuts together the film at such a superhuman speed that there is virtually no sense in the passage of time. The scenes fly together leaping the viewer from New York to outer space to Von Doom's mountain retreat to the Baxter Building all in a single bound that those of us who are not strange visitors from another planet can't focus on the individuals, rather only the events. Events are what drive summertime blockbusters; good characters are what make good films.
One final question. Just because this is a comicbook movie, why cater to the lowest common denominator with dialogue? Johnny Storm is supposed to be a humorous hothead but comes across as the cliché ugly American. Von Doom, who is supposed to be as smart as, if not smarter than, Mr. Fantastic is relegated to base sneers and pining. For that matter, Richards, who is Marvel's answer to Stephen Hawking, comes across as being anything but intelligent.
The Fantastic Four comic paved the way for Marvel superheroes, and their cinematic children. One would think that bringing the grand-daddy of comics to the silver-screen would present an honor. Instead it felt more like a big-budget made-for-television prologue paving the way for a real FF film. Perhaps by 2007. Wouldn't that be ahem Incredible?