Pigeons Aren't Required To Show Respect To Superheroes

Rating: 3/10 (3 June 2013)

While viewing Fantastic Four I thought that when the pigeon pooped on "Thing" that just about summed up this dismal superhero movie in a nutshell.
I just wished that my hero (the pigeon) had called on his buddies and, like a massive swarm, the whole flock of 'em had pooped & pooped & pooped all over the Fantastic Four. Yeah. That would have been so absolutely delightful to see! Don't you think?
Yeah. OK. I know that sounds mighty nasty, but, hey, that's the way I feel about this dreadful superhero movie. I rank Fantastic Four as being in the same league as the horrendously bad Watchmen. It's movies just like these 2 (and there are others) that make me despise the whole superhero genre to the 10th power.
This film wasted too much time giving the viewer a blow-by-blow rundown of how each member of the "Four" had acquired their fantastic powers through exposure to cosmic radiation. I think that this sort of thing should've already been established right from the start and that way we could've all been treated to a really exciting tale of non-stop superhero super-heroics like we so rightfully deserved.
This film lost itself some major points with its blatant product placement of those familiar trademarks belonging to both Pepsi and Burger King.
Don't you think it's hilarious that the evil Von Doom's initials are V.D.?
Without a doubt, I think that Jessica Alba is the ultimate, clueless, bimbo actress, bar none. Her and that no-talent Michael Fassbender would be ideal teamed up together in some trite romance.
Even though it's not really that great, either, I'd say that the Fantastic Four cartoon series from the 1990s was far superior to this live-action fiasco by a long-shot.
I understand that Fantastic Four is due for an upcoming "reboot". Spare me!