Un-'Fantastic Four'

Rating: 2/10 (7 January 2006)

I am always told to just "chill" and "relax," sit back and enjoy the film for what it's worth. Sadly this hideous adaptation lacks in every sense of the word. And after terrific superhero action films such as BATMAN BEGINS, SPIDER-MAN 2, and X2, FANTASTIC FOUR is just a crippling, abysmal, and believe it or not, "cheaply-made" trifle that can't generate any steam whatsoever. The action sequences are dull, the actors (especially Alba and Evans) are awful, though the studio, with the miracles of airbrush and heavy make-up, make them look really pretty, the writing sucks, and the direction is some of the worst seen since BATTLEFIELD EARTH. So I hope you all hate me by now! FANTASTIC FOUR is a wasted mess and in every sense of the word, uninspiring. There is not a single cliché the film overcomes, therefore if any film wins my vote for Worst Picture of 2005 during the Razzies, it's this junkie, messy piece of gloss. Grade (D-)