Dreadful

Rating: 2/10 (28 October 2005)

Stan Lee couldn't have asked for a more lame and useless adaptation of his beloved comic "The Fantastic Four". I had high hopes for this film. After seeing a kickass preview with a rockin' Perfect Circle song playing in the background, I thought the action would be intensely amazing (The Thing smashing a semi! Sweet!) and that the characters would be...well...FANTASTIC (Julian McMahon! Awesome!). However, this movie was a letdown. A HUGE letdown.
First of all, this film lacked a decent director or a proper script. Jesus Christopher, could you think of better dialog than having Sue Storm say that "she wanted to be seen," or have Johnny Storm be called a "hothead"? Wow. Just wow. The script was clunky and it certainly wasn't funny (save for a great scene with Ben and Johnny, but that's all). By the way, if I ever hear that stupid... -Oh you're hot! -Why thank you, so are you. ...line again, I am personally going to kill Tim Story!
The look of the film was god awful. Most of the New York scenery was, like Harry from AICN said, straight out of Seinfeld episode. The special effects were some of the worst I have ever seen from a major motion picture. Not to mention, although it looks good from a distance, The Thing's suit looks HORRIBLY FAKE up close. Why the heck can you see the wrinkles when he's made of STONE?! Unbelievable.
The action. What action? There literally isn't any major fight scenes until the very end of the film. And save for the Human Torch and heat seeking missle scene, the action is slow and predictable and has a been-there-done-that feel to it.
The cast wasn't as bad as I heard at first. Reed should have been played by Clive Owen, and Jessica Alba can't convince me that she's a genius, no matter how smokin' hot she is. Chris Evans and Mike Chiklis do well enough; probably turning out the film's best characters. Julian McMahon let me down. His character in Nip/Tuck is so cool and well developed, while his character as Dr. Doom is really unimpressive. I can hardly blame him, though, since he didn;t make a full transformation until the last 20 minutes. Even then it wasn't as devilish or villainous as he could have been.
The ending...gimme a break. "How long will he be like this?" "Oh...about two summers...(wink at the camera)"
Honestly, this is the worst superhero film I have ever seen. I might even go as far as to say that Daredevil was better. At least it had some cool fight scenes! When F4II comes out, I won't even bother to see it until they replace Tim Story and the screenwriter. Don't waste your time.