A Fantastic FLOP!

Rating: 1/10 (9 July 2005)

What a fantastic mess of a film. I was holding out hope for a well crafted story, but unless you're blinded by die-hard comic fanaticism, or you're under the age of six, prepare to be under whelmed. Not since Looney Tunes Back in Action have I seen a more horrible Hollywood hokey flick. The set ups are trite, predictable, and laughably sophomoric. The material given to the actors, and the direction (apparently by committee) given reminded me of junior high acting class 101 day two. This franchise has been successfully ruined for the next ten years. The storytelling structure of this film was either absent from the get go, or has ended up in a trash heap collected from the cutting room floor. Dr. Reed's character arc is more limp than is body. The following are just a few of the holes I noticed in the film.
1. No tension and little setup for Richard Reed's business failures, and why VonDoom is his only hope.
2. No romantic setup or lead into Doom's proposal to Sue and the subsequent romantic triangle conflict between Doom, Sue, and Reed.
3. Since when does NYC have a mountain suitable for snowboarding a mere fifteen minutes away from a convenient hospital placed in Doom's high rise?
4. How does Doom find the Thing in the diner? And why do they seem to stay there for hours and hours, giving us time to cut back to Reed's headquarters, then cut to the shore overlooking the Statue of Liberty, then cutting back to the diner, just as the Things food order of pancakes arrives? Yes I realize he had just eaten a previous course of something, but three or four hours worth???
5. I'm pleased the "marking department" which the human torch refers to has had time to create a "Thing" prototype doll, but whose marketing department? Reed's corp. or Doom's corp. has a TOY MARKETING DEPARTMENT?
Please, if anyone ever attempts to pull this franchise out of the fire, the way that Warner's successfully did with Batman Begins, spend more time chiseling out a well crafted script, and stick to it. Its great to have many counselors when making a movie, but if each one of them is wearing a T-shirt that reads "What I really want to do is direct" then your project is probably VonDoomed!