Probably the Worst Comic Book Movie I've Ever Seen

Rating: 1/10 (5 December 2005)

Because of the overwhelming barrage of unfavorable reviews, I went into "Fantastic Four" with very low expectations.
I was still utterly disappointed with what I saw.
It is probably the worst movie based on a comic book that I've ever seen (having not yet had the pleasure of sitting through "Elektra" or "Catwoman"). Prior to "Fantastic Four" I would've awarded this "honor" to "Daredevil," but alas (Yes, I'm sorry to say) "Fantastic Four" is even worse.
First off, it moves far too quickly. I don't mean that the movie is just a collection of action sequences strung together (although there is little or no plot to connect one scene to the next). In fact, there is very little action in the movie. What I mean is that the pace of the film is too rushed. The line readings, for example, are delivered much too fast. The director should've varied the pace a bit more, particularly in the so-called "dramatic" scenes.
I don't think the movie was very well cast either. The performances are embarrassingly bad. They go from flat and dull one second to over-the-top and obnoxious the next (the worst offender being the amazingly stiff and lifeless Jessica Alba). The only actor who seems to bring any degree (no matter how small) of subtlety or depth to his character is Michael Chiklis. Perhaps the actors simply did the best they could with what they had to work with, because the characters are uninteresting, unsympathetic and, at times, flat-out annoying (especially Chris Evans' hotshot thrill-seeking "Human Torch").
The only thing worse than the pace, the characterizations and the performances was the writing. The dialogue is incredibly shallow and obvious. Practically every line is a clichÃ©. Here's a small sample:
"You're such a dork, Reed." "Which of you is the leader?" "Johnny, say you're sorry." "You two need a time-out." "He started it." "You need to control yourself. Think before you act." "Nothing personal." "Being different isn't always bad." "We're all in this together." "I can't hold it!" "Ya done good, kid."
The special effects aren't really that special. At times they work just fine. At other times they look very cartoonish and unbelievable. The score, by the usually reliable John Ottman, is uninspired and, quite frankly, very corny. The choice of songs for the movie were also pretty bad. The direction is sadly lacking in any artistic vision or style. Having previously done comedies like "Taxi" and "Barbershop," Tim Story just doesn't seem to demonstrate the natural grasp for the material that Sam Raimi or Bryan Singer does.
Speaking in very broad, generalizing terms, those are just some of the problems I had with the movie. To get more specific, however, I would have to give away a few spoilers. If you haven't yet seen the film, and still plan to, you may want to skip over this next section.
*SPOILERS*
Despite the fact that throughout the film they continue to search for an explanation, it is never revealed how or why the space storm arrives early.
After his transformation, Ben calls his girlfriend from a payphone outside his home. He asks her to come outside, which she does... in her negligee (despite the fact that it's nighttime).
When Ben inadvertently causes a pile-up on a bridge, his three friends just happen to arrive on that same bridge at the very moment the accidents begin to occur.
On the bridge, Reed Richards tells Sue Storm he and Chris can't get past the police to help Ben, but (because of her invisibility) she can. She immediately turns invisible, removes her undergarments and gets by the police, but then so do Reed and her brother. What was the point then of her turning invisible and stripping (besides the obvious reason of providing the audience with a brief glimpse at Jessica Alba's body)?
Ben's girlfriend also goes to the trouble of coming to the bridge and pushing her way through the crowd simply to return a ring to Ben. She takes it off, places it on the street and walks away without saying a word. In the scene that immediately follows, Chris sardonically asks Ben, "Where are your ears?" Considering the man just lost his love, he couldn't show just a bit more understanding?
The films establishes that Ben weighs close to 700 pounds (he can stall an elevator and leave footprints in the pavement). Yet, in the climatic fight scene, he slides off the hood of a car without even leaving a scratch, let alone a dent.
*END OF SPOILERS*
Overall, I'd say the movie was very sloppily and carelessly put together. Things are set up but never paid off. Significant questions are posed but never answered. The movie had potential but never even came close to realizing it. My advice to improve "Fantastic Four" would've been a complete overhaul of the script (probably by some different writers), a different director and, aside from Michael Chiklis, a different cast.