Corny, unrealistic and boring

Rating: 3/10 (17 July 2006)

The worst of the recent comic book adaptations, that I've seen. Attempting to combine the best parts of X-Men and Spider-Man produces none of the same result, and the film ends up flat and boring. None of the characters are that interesting or even believable; they all seem like some accelerated stereotypes. The story could be a bit more intriguing if more realism and less product placement was injected into it, but, alas, that is not the case. There are a few intentional laughs, courtesy mostly the banter between the Human Torch and the Thing, but many more unintentional laughs, courtesy mostly the relationship between Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman - which occupies too much of the screen time, and reeks of a half-hearted attempt to put romance into the story. And Dr. Doom is laughably bad. All in all, not so fantastic.
The acting is simply dreadful, with only Chris Evans really standing out through pure charisma. Chiklis does well considering his get-up, but you never feel for the character at all. Alba is predictably wooden, but nice to look at, Gruffudd has no leading man sensibilities at all, and McMahon is about as cheesy as it gets. The dialogue is pretty bad most of the time, topped only by the amateur direction and complete lack of realism. I know most comic book stories have to suspend your belief a bit, but this is too much. Nothing about this film seems anything close to realistic - it seems to take place in a media-controlled, brand named bubble. Not compelling stuff.
The special effects are terrible, also. You'd think that since all the other comic book films have great effects that this one would, as well, but it doesn't. The Thing's costume looks painfully like a costume, and the other three's powers look painfully like digital effects. The music ranges from mediocre to just plain bad, especially attempting to incorporate the soundtrack songs in. The action picks up at the end, and the finale is relatively exciting, but then it's over - just like that. The climax is never built up and ends too abruptly. Overall, a poor effort.