Someone Obliviate Me!

Rating: 5/10 (19 November 2016)

I'm not quite sure what to make of this newest cinematic expansion of the Wizarding World. In one part, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them feels like a kid's movie with its majestic use of magic. In another part, its marketing and rating suggests a teen movie. Yet at the same time, its 1920's setting and cast of adult characters suggests something that would appeal best to whomever grew up with the original Harry Potter adventures. Well one thing is for sure, this new adaptation by the immortal J.K. Rowling is not going to appeal to anybody in the long-run.
If anything, Fantastic Beasts seems the most like an adventure for the teenage girl, as the very casting of Eddie Redmayne (The Danish Girl, The Theory of Everything) will satisfy their fantasies with his boyish charm, along with a half-baked romance between a down-on- his-luck baker and a zesty accountant. But even so, I doubt any high school cheerleaders would be screaming their heads off over a film focused on combining the roaring twenties with a children's imagination.
Yet true to what the world of Harry Potter has always done, this historical setting is rich with culture. It turns out that unlike the United Kingdom, America has a different word for muggles; "No- Mags," and their relationships align much closer to the Salem witch trials than simple racism. The two worlds between the wizards and No-Mags' each look as captivating as they do true to the historical era, complete with a scandalous goblin singing at a bar.
Then in comes skimpy old Newt Scamander, played by the same British actor I previously mentioned. He arrives in New York City on the Fort Elizabeth, with a secret mission involving his magical briefcase. Just step inside his case, and you will see an immense world inside: room upon room housing some of the most fascinating beasts you will find. These include leafy little bowtruckles, a money-mad niffler, a mischievous demiguise, and a size-shifting occamy. Kids will love seeing these imaginative designs, but what they're doing in a PG-13 movie I cannot say.
Teens would certainly not care about seeing these beasts anyway, as the special effects used to bring them to life is distractingly awful. Remember in the Harry Potter movies when computer generated imagery was only used when necessary? Now here, it is use in practically every frame for every scenario, even in places where makeup prosthetics would have gotten the job done easy. Think the entire Hobbit trilogy, except without any effort by the visual effects team.
These beasts have ended up under the hands of a No-Mag named Mr. Kowalski who has dreams of starting his own bakery. Yet he mistakenly lets the case open, and several of the beasts lose into the city. Now Newt has to bring him as a witness to protect his innocence from the National Astute of Secrecy, or else face serious criminal penalty for exposing the wizarding community to the No- Mags.
There are points here and there that reveal how a great movie could have been made, but for the greater portion, the blank performances by the majority of the cast send a preposterous message that says the law and government should not control us. If you ask me, these negative, limiting depictions of political authorities is way too common in our movie theaters, and our leaders deserve better treatment. Even worse, this predictable story is ruined all the more by a plot twist that adds nothing; literally nothing to the story.
Yet it doesn't stop there. After a snore-inducing climax, the final moments try to emotionally manipulate you as if the filmmakers felt that they earned it somehow—they didn't. Then they of course have to leave the final frame open for a sequel which I obviously will not be looking forward to.
If you think that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is a dream come true for your inner witch or wizard, I hate to break it to you: look elsewhere. This attempt at keeping the franchise alive and fresh is only making it age all the more, and its attempted relational bonds between America and England does not feel any stronger either. I could really use a great motion picture that makes us people feel united in spite of differences in a world that wants us to feel otherwise, and this does not accomplish that.