Less than Fantastic

Rating: 5/10 (8 August 2007)

I am the only person I know over the age of 10 who liked the first Fantastic Four, so I went into the film with an open mind. After all, it has some of my favorite actors: Andre Braugher, Michael Chiklis, Laurence Fishburne, Julian McMahon and Kerry Washington. And although the first one was kind of silly, it was at least as good as the first "X-Men" and more fun than "The Incredible Hulk". Unfortunately, this film is even dumber than the original and plenty boring.
It starts off with the impending nuptials of Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffud) and Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) coming right when the Four are recruited by General Hager (Braugher playing an idiot for the first time in his career) to stop an intergalactic force that has wiped out life on all other planets that it has come into contact with. It is always heralded by the Silver Surfer (Fishburne). The Surfer comes to Earth right when Reed (aka Mr. Fantastic) and Sue (aka The Invisible Girl) are set to take their vows. Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) is sent to chase after the Surfer, but the Surfer wins their fight and gives Johnny the ability to switch powers with anyone he touches. Later on, the Surfer visits Latveria and attacks Dr. Victor Von Doom (McMahon). The attack heals Dr. Doom's scars, but leaves his superpowers alone. And so Gen. Hager, the Fantastic Four and Dr. Doom team up to fight the Surfer before the Earth is destroyed.
Aside from the inherent stupidity of the plot, I didn't care for Fishburne's performance, nor the fact that he's an English-speaking alien named "Gordon" with a girlfriend named "Alicia" (in the comics, his name was "Norrin", so perhaps this is a tribute to "ALF"?). I also had a problem with Johnny (aka The Human Torch) and Ben Grimm (Chiklis) acting like spoiled children when Reed and Sue consider splitting off from the Four to have a normal marriage. I was unhappy that Kerry Washington--so good in "Ray" and "The Last King of Scotland"--was given nothing to do except stare into space and tell Sue how much she loves Ben (aka The Thing). The fact that all of these great actors are stuck with such bad dialog is depressing. And I can't be the only movie-goer weary of Stan Lee's cameos.
On the other hand, the CGI effects--while sub-LOTR--still look pretty cool. And Andre Braugher gives his all to a bad role that most actors would have sleepwalked through.
But overall, this a bad film, not worth the time or talent that these otherwise gifted actors bring. I hope that Braugher, Chiklis, Fishburne, McMahon and Washington work together again, but just not for "Fantastic Four 3". 5 out of 10.