A record-breaking Eyeroll Tally

Rating: 4/10 (5 July 2007)

The first Fantastic Four was pretty bad. The writing bad, the casting horrible, the FX lacking but it was harmless enough. There have been crappy superhero movies before, and there will certainly be plenty more in the future. But a sequel?? Really?? What won't they make sequels to these days.
They learned nothing from their mistakes on the first film. The Thing's costume is still terrible and looks like something out of a mid-80's flick, and his one-liners (mostly consisting of about 10 "sorry's" and "my bad's") are just annoying. Julian Glover as Dr. Doom is horribly miscast. Reed's stretching effects just look laughable - it's one of those powers that just does not translate to the screen well. Jessica Alba again looks goofy with fake blond hair, but now they've added the creepiest fake blue eye contacts you've ever seen, and just can't stop staring at them whenever she's on screen. Stan Lee's cameos continue to be distracting and stupid.
But they didn't stop there - this sequel has failed on more levels. First and foremost, the Eyeroll Tally was OFF THE CHARTS. From every cheesy line to every bad joke, every dumb plot point to every stupid sight gag or bad effects shot, you couldn't help rolling your eyes. The one big theme they beat us over the head with is teamwork. Johnny (Human Torch) is told he's a loner and needs to learn to work as a team. So how does he do this in the end? By taking on everyone else's powers and fighting the final battle by himself. Huh?!??! That's teamwork?
This flick was every bit as bad as any of the direct-to-video or 80's Marvel movies. Now there's talk they want to do a spin-off Silver Surfer movie. HELL no! His character is boring, unimpressive, and uninteresting in his brief scenes here, much less an entire film. The torch/surfer chase was pretty cool, but it's too bad everyone had seen that in its entirety in the first trailer. When Surfer loses his silver "luster" he looks hilarious as just some dude painted dark gray, and trying to cash in on Laurence Fishburne's Morpheus credibility by having him voice the Surfer was just lame. Fishburne adds nothing here.
Like I said, I've seen worse flicks, and I know this was geared more for kids, but even kids deserve better. And with so many better flicks to choose from, I hope they find something else to spend their money on.