The most boring movie ever made

Rating: 1/10 (16 July 1999)

I cannot say enough bad things about this movie. I had been passively looking forward to this movie for years, and actively looking forward to it since I heard it announced. I absolutely love all of Kubrick's work. Except this. It is, without a doubt, the most masturbatory piece of filmmaking I have ever seen. Even the reasonably interesting, and occasionally beautiful, cinematography can IN NO WAY save the endless, plodding, poorly scripted, and worse acted film that, the most I can say, ran through a projector for three hours. I realize that some folks will think I am hyperbolizing, or that I just don't like slow movies, but I like the rest of his work, and, for God's sake, I like Sergio Leone. But this was like Sergio and Stanley constantly interrupting each other while on Quaaludes.
All of the actors were evidently handed their scripts approximately thirteen seconds before shooting and only one take was allowed. Most of the dialogue consisted of "Uhhh," ten second pauses, and repetition of whatever was left over.
To sum up, this was ... this ... was ... the most ... it was the most boring... the most boring movie ... the MOST ... boring movie ... ever made.