Boring till death

Rating: 2/10 (30 March 2005)

If you were anxiously waiting to see Nicole Kidman's butt, you are lucky. If you hoped to see a pretentious and petulant exercise on self satisfaction, then you'll be as unhappy as you like to be. If you expected this to be a posthumous masterwork given to humanity by a genius in his death bed, or simply have a nice time, forget it.
As a man, I had never seen so many pretty naked girls together and felt so much boredom and watched so many uninspiring erotic scenes as in this movie. The characters, their psychology, is so strange to human condition that only fully grown weirdos can recognize themselves in the childish woman that feels so dazzled about the most unimaginative of fantasies and the hot poor rich boy that never meets the goal.
The 'peak' scenes seem part of one of those soft-core porn sketches starred by Hugh Pfeffner's monthly Playmates, and Cruise is exactly the kind of guy you REALLY WANT to be vexed and killed instead of a chick, to save you from seeing him the rest of the movie, so unbearable he is.
The movie really needed to command it in the title: "Eyes wide shut!". You had to remember that command constantly to actually avoid closing your eyes and bothering the tiny-beard pipe-smoking smart boys of the forward row with your snores.
Rent a true porn movie instead, interpretations are the same as bad, but at least the guy in the film gets the prize and looks more relieved than than the stressed Cruise.
Oh, yes, but the work is technically impressive in its sheer academic-ism.