Boring, boring, boring

Rating: 3/10 (19 July 1999)

The only reason people like this film is because of the name "Kubrick". If this came from an unknown filmmaker, people would be calling it pretentious, self-indulgent, boring, and pointless. There's no way anyone would get past that ridiculous orgy party without rolling their eyes. But since it's from the untouchable "Kubrick", it's a work of genius. Well, sure it's boring, but that's Kubrick. Yeah, the pace is mind-numbingly slow but Kubrick can do no wrong!
Yes, the film is photographed beautifully. Gorgeous set design. The camerawork is steady. OK...that's all dandy.
What about the story? Is that not an intregal part of the movie experience? Who cares, right? For nearly three hours we're treated to Tom Cruise walking around the streets of what's supposed to be New York, encountering all kinds of unrelated people and circumstances. Yawn. Finally there's a lackluster wrap-up at the end which is supposed to explain everything. By that point we're so bored it doesn't even matter.
And every scene goes on way too long. There's a scene near the beginning where Kidman and Cruise smoke pot and get in an argument. It takes Kidman about ten minutes to speak three or four sentences. Everything is: "And...(super dramatic pause)...I had....(longer pause)...a...(pauses, closes her eyes)....dream..." Get to the bloody point, woman! She's the worst offender, but almost every conversation in the movie is like this. And this is for almost three hours! It's very frustrating.
What amazed me was the audience reaction to the film. I've heard nothing but praise. (Of course I live in L.A., where every young assistant and gopher is a Kubrick wannabe) Look, Kubrick was a great director. DR. STRANGELOVE, THE SHINING, and FULL METAL JACKET are some of my favorite films of all time. But the man is not God. He is not beyond a poor film. And that's what we got with EYES WIDE SHUT.