the emperor has no clothes....

Rating: 1/10 (3 September 1999)

Found the movie to be a total failure - really one of the worst movies I've ever seen, for the following reasons:
1. Basic acting and mechanical problems - the writing was laughably bad, and the actors were directed to be wooden - they took five beats between every line, and were almost devoid of emotion (you have to assume, given Kubrick's habit of doing a hundred takes, that he *chose* these wooden performances as being what he wanted... Tom Cruise has too large a body of work to assume that what is on the screen is representative of what he would normally do).

As to the writing: there was this motif of answering almost every question with a repeat of the question, after a few beats, until finally this friend of mine was able to say this sentence after a line by Cruise to Kidman: "If she answers by repeating his entire question in the form of a declarative sentence one more time, I'll kill myself..." whereupon that is exactly what happened. in another scene, Cruise walks into a room, featuring an obvious shot of a small Christmas tree. I say aloud "nice tree"... after which Cruise's character says "nice tree...".... I mean, farcically bad, like how many times did Cruise's character show his wallet ID card and say "I'm a doctor" to how many people?
2. Structural problems so, the basic conceit is that the wife's dreams are dead-on realistic, while the husband's reality is dream-like... wonderful. But by the time you clue in to this, you just don't care, since nothing that actually happens makes any sense. So, of course, you can say it's *supposed* to not make sense, since it's "ream-lie", but that doesn't really help, since it is, actually, reality. why would the people at the orgy care so much if someone crashes their party? they're all in masks! who the hell would know who was there? why would the costume-store owner go from wanting to kill his daughter for being a slut, to offering her to Cruise's character? why would anything that happened, happen? why would Kidman's character report those dreams to Cruise, in such a brutal, nasty, straightforward way - and then why would she cry after Cruise's character told her what happened, since nothing actually happened? He wasn't unfaithful with any of these prostitutes or other women he met.

3. the music - unbelievably annoying
4. the scene around the pool table - neither character knew what they were saying, or why they were saying it - nothing that happened made any sense, on any layer that the movie was trying to work on.
5. the mask on the bed - I *wish* there was some hiding of emotion, or layer of deceit, but both of these people told each other everything, to the detriment of their relationship. If anything, the lesson is say less. I have to go now. I'm a doctor. Here, let me show you this card to prove it.