The Disaster Movie of 1999

Rating: Null/10 (20 July 1999)

It's little wonder that such incredible secrecy surrounded "Eyes Wide Shut" before it opened. Had anyone known anything about this film, they would have been able to avoid it. Unfortunately for us all, millions of well-intentioned souls (including myself) went to the multiplex wondering what the fuss was about and ended up getting burned.
The billing that this is a Stanley Kubrick picture is a major misnomer. Anyone who's seen other Kubrick work will agree this is an AWFUL letdown and a horrible end to a fine career. A fifth grader with a camcorder and a piano (that constant one-note in the soundtrack was very annoying) could have produced this film--in fact, could have produced a much finer piece of cinema.
The major problem with the film, as you will agree, is Nicole Kidman. The first image we see in the movie is Kidman's naked posterior, and the camera basically pans over her semi-nude frame the entire two and a half hours. There really isn't a moment in the movie when Kidman's nipples (cute, I must admit) aren't on display. My question is: if Nicole wanted so badly to display her body to the public, why didn't she just make a home video like Pamela Lee? The acting in the Lee family video was more heartfelt and honest than anything in "Eyes Wide Shut."
"Eyes Wide Shut" is the cinematic equivalent of sitting at a bus station, watching people come and go. Scores of potentially interesting people walk onscreen in the film, but they are never around long enough for us to find out anything about them. Instead, we are treated to Nicole as pothead, Nicole as pinup girl, Nicole laughing hysterically, schoolmarmish Nicole eating breakfast.
The "brain trust" (I use that term loosely) behind this movie obviously intended it as a touching exploration of the issues of honesty, trust, fidelity and sexuality. Unfortunately, that could never be accomplished with this cast of characters--there is not a single likable soul in this film. The aforementioned Nicole, Dr. Tom (would you trust your health to a guy who smokes pot and tries to sleep with hookers?), the creepy business types who serve as foils for Tom in an effort to make him look noble, and a completely pointless cameo by Leelee Sobieski in bra and panties that sends the movie on a totally unrelated tangent. (Are her boobs really that small?) It all adds up to two and a half hours of confusion, agitation and frustration for the moviegoer.