Scheiße

Rating: 1/10 (5 September 2011)

Peter Jackson directed the blood-splattering comedy-horror Braindead in 1992, which was about the deadly consequences of a Sumatran monkey's bite. I remember how repulsive yet amusing the lunch sequence with the mother was. The zombie priest fondling with the nun was hilarious, and so was the Priest's fight with the no-gooders. It was slapstick, gory and hysterical. It had actors who tried to sound convincing even in the most absurd circumstances, and the writing was crisp and farcical and a plot was at least visible.
About 6 years prior to this movie, Sam Raimi came up with the sequel of his 1981 hit Evil Dead. I couldn't find Evil Dead so easily, but got this from my inefficient CD home-delivery service-guy. The runtime was 76 minutes, cutting about 8 minutes from the original cut, but retaining majority of the horror scenes. Also it has an UR (unrated) rating on it, and is prohibited for children. There's a sneering skeleton with on one side of the CD cover and the picture of Bruce Campbell being choked by a blood-soaked hand on the other. EVIL DEAD 2 title is printed in red, and the entire look is campy. On the back, there are three other people with him, all looking unnerved. Below that is a generous summary of the movie which tells that a number of guys are possessed and asks the question with one imaginary raised eyebrow, ' Will Ash be Dead by dawn??'
The first scene takes us into a car, with Ash (Bruce) and his girlfriend Linda driving to a remote and dilapidated cabin, as they invade a professor's home to dance and make love; Bruce Campbell tells this in an uncomfortable, overacted manner. Then he discovers a Book of the Dead, and a professor's audio message on the Dictaphone, saying that a spell in the book would release dark, unimaginable forces. When the professor's voice utters the mantras in the book, an execrable force is unleashed which possesses Linda and turns her into a psycho-monster. Ash fights her off and her character is abruptly cut off. Ash now has to fight the remaining ghosts, as he runs, ducks, hides, laughs and battles all the spirits. The moment the morning rays fall on the earth, everything is back to normal. The only difference is that the way to the cabin has been eaten up for the misfortunes who enter it. When Ash realizes this, he howls "NOOOOO!" like a wolf.
His entire body is bruised and lacerated, and he gets perhaps the most serious case of alien hand syndrome as his hand thrashes him with plates and plays hide and seek with him once he does away with it. Then there's the demented reindeer head that laughs maniacally with Ash following it, along with all the other items that go mad. And critics term this 'iconic'. The professor's daughter Annie arrives with stone-man with an awkward smile and the two go the the cabin along with a straggly man and his arrogant girlfriend who take their bags. The four too get possessed, and brutally tortured by the creatures, which includes the witch of the professor's wife in the basement.
This happens for about half an hour, and characters keep dying, oozing green liquid as they're stabbed. There's some loud, vociferous and obnoxious screeching by the ladies, not to forget continuous and ear-splitting. The professor's daughter companion gets killed quickly, which is the best part of the movie since is acting is embarrassing. The end is predictable- big monster goes for all or nothing, as Annie (Sarah) recites some strange words to get rid of the spirits. This leads to Ash being taken to the past, where the soldiers try to kill him but are interrupted by the most fake-looking pterodactyl ever seen, and Ash shoots it with his gun. The soldiers spare him and now worship him as a leader, as Ash screams "No! No! No! No! No! No!"
76 minutes for this drab to be called a masterpiece and Rob Zombie's gore-fest Devil's Rejects getting 53% on RT is a travesty. Okay, the film was made in the late 80s, but to have uninspired humor, cheap references, abysmal acting, lazy gore, poor voice synchronization and a dim-witted plot and then become a 'cult classic' is something I cannot understand. At least something should be good or different- the plot could've had more weight, but even that is wafer-thin. The movie takes us right into action which is a different technique but then there's just no pause. And the little pauses are filled by horrendous, mechanical, lazy, pretentious and amateurish performances.
And I hear some critics going 'Oh, the movie succeeds because of Bruce'. Seriously guys, what does he do that's so special from the performances by the actors of some cheap Hollywood movie nowadays?? The jump scenes are so poorly done, without creating any anticipation, excitement or fear. And what's SO funny about the film- the 'swallow this' joke? Okay, Ha Ha.... I can't laugh more than this. Better movies were made before this - Rosemary's Baby, Carrie, Exorcist and better movies are still being made, yet a movie like Evil Dead tops all lists. One word, travesty. And I still don't get the UR rating for this- did the censor board get brain dead watching Evil Dead 2?
My rating: 1/10