Not for Baby Boomers!

Rating: 2/10 (27 January 2008)

Baby Boomer alert! This horror flick is not for us -- it's for X-generation viewers and younger. Why? Because it is NOT in the least scary.
If this is actually a SPOOF of horror films, I relent and give it three stars for my generation of viewers. But I don't think it IS a spoof. I think that they meant for this to be a shocker. The younger crowd should really just ignore this review because you probably have a very different basis for gauging this film.
Here's what the film is about: it's a cabin-in-the-woods remake/ripoff of the old B&W original of "Night of the Living Dead" with an additional caveat... the producers tossed in every possible type of monster, moving pieces of monsters, evil spirits, demons, Texas Chainsaw Massacre Guys, and so on. The action is akin to that found in the second half of "From Dusk 'till Dawn," (a film that I liked a lot!) The sound track is little more than a generic sound effects recording played in reverse, at various speeds, manipulated with digital delay. I think I might also have heard a variation of backwards "Revolution No. 9" in there at one point. All in all, not terrifically innovative.
The story: A guy and his gal travel to this evil cabin and, as the legitimate residents aren't there, they help themselves to the place. She gets taken over right away by the evil spirits from the so-called Book of the Dead (he should NOT have played back that tape recording!!!) and the guy ALMOST falls to the same fate but he continues to drive the critters out of his system.
Sometimes he outruns them in his big 4-door GM automobile, sometimes he outruns them on foot, and finally, the sun at dawn nixes them for the day. But the bridge is out and he cannot escape this rotten spot on the planet.
The daughter of the legal residents and her husband come along a bit later and attempt to visit her parents at the cabin but, again, the bridge to get there has been utterly destroyed by some of the "creatures" (only God knows which one DUNNIT!); however, a half-witted, local Hillbilly-type and his chickie agree to take them in via the secret back route for a few bucks. All travelers to the evil cabin soon regret THAT unfortunate trip! The reason that the movie makes little sense to older horror fans is because there's no "for-certain safe spot" from these multiple monsters (the cabin is somewhat safe, sometimes !?!), nor is there a standard means of killing them. Sometimes, the following are effective to nullify monsters: double-barreled shotgun, sunlight, chainsaw, knife, bludgeon, etc. Sometimes, none of this works for crap.
We finally learn (from the semi-good spirit of the original male resident) that our heroes have to read a certain passage from that dang Book of the Dead to rid themselves of all the monster-demon chaos, so I was at least glad to hear that there was finally one clear way to end this misery.
So, the group battles on and on with no apparent plot on which any of them can ride. And is it a SPOILER to say that the main guy is suddenly sucked into a Time Tunnel near the end of the flick which lands him in the middle of a pack of Medieval knights who are being attacked by a Pterodactylish Demon-headed Gargoyle??? "The Exorcist" is scary. Hitchcock's "Psycho" is scary. "Halloween" is scary. This film is as scary as "Exorcist, The Heretic," (Exorcist II) with Richard Burton.... but there is some decent head-mashing-type humor dribbled here and there. The film is also well-made, strictly in terms of picture quality and for its letterbox format.
A final comment.... this film appears to be the prequel to "Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness".