A Major Disappointment and an Insult to the Horror Genre

Rating: Null/10 (13 November 2013)

While the original was self aware, goofy, had great, self made special effects and a lovable lead in Bruce Campbell, the remake completely misses the mark. Obnoxiously violent, gory, sadistic, misogynistic and cruel, this isn't "fun" horror in the vein of say "Cabin Fever" "Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil" or even the first two Evil Dead films. This isn't exciting like Friday the 13th or A Nightmare on Elm street or Halloween is. It's not scary like The Shining or the Exorcist. This is pure, unadulterated GARBAGE. Hell, "Troll 2" is better than this turd. The actors are pathetic, the cinematography is dark, unfocused and jittery and the writing is choppy. We switch from lead to lead, without any character development to speak of, (save for the lead's archetypal druggie character), and some characters exist only to scream, get tortured and die. Usually people like horror films or engage with them because they either care about the characters or have a strong hate for the characters. Neither applies here. Aside from Lou Taylor Pucci, (and I'm saying that because I've seen his past work and know it's not his fault his character isn't given much to act upon), every actor is a cardboard cut out. Alvarez is dead in the directors chair and thus the film is void of any self-awareness, humor or meaning. This is, by far, the worst film of 2013. A completely unnecessary and stupid remake. A book the length of War and Peace could not adequately describe my loathing of this abomination.