A Several million dollar film pretending to be low budget ...

Rating: 1/10 (9 May 2013)

I saw the first two original Evil Dead installments on VHS as a teenager, and Army Of Darkness later, while serving in the Military. I went to the see the latter in the neighborhood of fifteen times - yes I am huge fan of the trilogy and Bruce Campbell.
To begin with, what was most lacking in this remake? Why, Bruce Campbell of course. He alone carried all three original films with his uncanny but indescribable cartoon like manner. Frankly, in my opinion he was the core of each campy moment and scene of those low budget cult masterpieces.
Budget. I was initially pleased with the grainy, gritty look of the film until I realized that while well funded, the producers would go out of their way to force the feeling and appearance that their remake was done on a budget similar to the original - which I believe was very low even for the time. So what we have here is well funded, over advertised art imitating low budget B movie awesomeness. Well, in this case as in most, the pretender lost out.
Character development? There was none. First rule of fiction: make your readers, your viewers, your audience care about at least one of your characters. Why? So we the consumer of the fiction have some kind of stake invested in the outcome. How do you get your audience on the edge of their seats if all of your characters are as lifeless as plywood?
Bruce Campbell? No he is not in this film nor did the casting people attempt to procure a B.C. look or act alike. A grave mistake. So that is strike two - the absence of noticeable or memorable acting in any form. Who were those people up on the screen, and why would any of us care what horrible gory fate befall them?
The original Evil Dead was intended to be campy, comedic, light yet gory in a stop motion animation sort of way. I came away from viewing the original all those years back with the realization that Sam Raimi had not intended to scar my young mind at the time with ultra realistic reproduction of traumatic gory injuries. No, the gore in the original was intended to be creepy but tragicomic and funereal. In this remake, the writer/director whomever just wanted to assault your senses and no child of mine would be let close to a viewing of this slag fest that takes itself far too seriously and elides humor in any form. Strike three.
To sum up, events in the film go from normal to just plain "how did that happen?" weird without any kind of explanation or entertaining transition. Did they innocently, unwittingly play a recording of a recital of the demonic passages? Nope. Some dude in the movie actually reads them aloud for no apparent reason. He just does and then only much later makes some kind of connection.
In essence, this horrid and stinking remake banks on the fact that you're a fan and that you've seen the original because that is the only way you would fully understand what is happening from scene to scene once the evil is unleashed.
Boo! Did I scare you? No? Well neither will Evil Dead the gory for no good reason remake. Is it the most terrifying film you will ever see? Only if you drop a hundred bucks on tickets and popcorn and nachos, etc. when you go to see it. Please spare your wallet the horror.
Oh, yeah. Apparently the new Ash is female ... self amputee and all. Hail to the stupidity!