Evil Dead for the Xbox generation

Rating: 1/10 (25 March 2013)

I never thought I would become a grumpy old man, but it seems this state has now reached me in my mid thirties.
To put it bluntly, this film is the cinematic version of edible gloop, served in a jar, then fed to dribbling teenagers with unrefined tastes. It lacked the spine and balance to be called a good horror film. It lack the originality and imagination to be called a cult classic. It has too much senseless meat, bone, sinew and cartilage to be considered a mainstream frightener. Basically, this seems to have been made for blood-hungry gamers, who are happiest when seeing the human body blown, ripped or torn asunder.
The story is a vacuous imitation of the Raimi classic. A few similar plot devices, but without the charm, thrills, personalities and originality. What it had more of was blood. Barrels of it. No tension or fear. Just thick, meaty blood. Those gamers will be extremely well fed.
Please stop doing this to us, Hollywood. Please stop exhuming original classic films from their rightful place of rest, giving them a cheap modern makeover, then foisting them upon us like they are a new dish, created by the world's finest chefs. They aren't. They are tasteless, nauseating mush and only willingly consumed by tasteless, nauseating drones.
1/5