Most Overconfident Movie Tagline of All Time

Rating: 3/10 (5 April 2013)

When the remake of the 1981 horror classic "The Evil Dead" was announced in late 2011, fans of the series reacted, unsurprisingly, with revulsion. At the heart of their outrage lay a simple question: Why? How could a remake possibly improve upon the original? The first film's charm had much to do with its shoestring budget and utter lack of prestige. The cast and crew were a ragtag group of amateurs who essentially had no clue what they were doing. The filming process was notoriously unpleasant, requiring the team to live in a primitive log-cabin in the backwoods of Eastern Tennessee. It shouldn't have worked. And yet, when The Evil Dead hit theaters, it won over audiences across the world with its simplistic, clumsy charm and unique sense of humor--not to mention its pioneering camera work and brilliant practical effects. It paved the way for a decade of ultra-violent, low budget horror movies (either the best thing to happen to the genre or the worst, depending on who you're talking to.) Few products of the medium have ever enjoyed such influence.
Though a more technically advanced film, Fede Alvarez' 2013 remake--backed, disappointingly, by Raimi and Campbell themselves-- is as shoddy a production as the original, but without the charm and humor to redeem it. The fundamental problem with Alvarez' version (and Diablo Cody's reworking of the script) is that it approaches the material with ludicrous self seriousness, thus making itself vulnerable to more intense scrutiny, against which it has little hope of defense. The film begins promisingly enough, opening with a disturbing scene of father-daughter filicide, but immediately tumbles downhill when the meat of the plot (what little there is) is revealed. The premise is this: A group of five twenty-somethings treks out into the woods for a high school reunion/intervention, hoping to permanently cure Mia (Jane Levy) of her heroin addiction. They hole up in Mia and her brother David's (Shiloh Fernandez) decrepit family cottage and steel themselves for the worst of the withdrawal symptoms to set in. However, their priorities soon shift when Eric (Lou Taylor Pucci) discovers a copy of the Necronomicon (wrapped in barbed wire, bound in human skin, and with explicit admonishments written in bold red letters upon its pages) and recites the exact words the book warns him not to recite under any circumstance. What follows thereafter should, by all rights, be an entertaining, gory romp through the swamps. Instead, we are treated to seventy minutes of unrelenting stupidity and bad acting. The worst offender is the brainless David, our lackluster stand in for Bruce Campbell's Ash, who, for three quarters of the movie, simply can't get it through his thick skull that his sister has been possessed by a demon, despite all evidence leading to that conclusion. His dimwitted attempts to contain the situation are extraordinarily frustrating to watch, as is the extreme gullibility of the other characters. How many times will these fools fall for the old "I'm not a demon!" trick? Make it a drinking game. You'll be wasted by the end of the movie.
Again, all of these transgressions would be more easily forgiven if the movie didn't take itself so seriously. But there's nary an amusing one-liner or even a hint of self-awareness to get us through this study in tedium. Even the gore is disappointing--or, at least, it failed to impress this seasoned genre enthusiast. Recent films that top Evil Dead in that department include Slither, Feast, and Cabin Fever, among others.
Here's hoping the "Carrie" remake fares a little better.