Warning, Evil Dead fans: Lower Your Expectations...

Rating: 3/10 (13 April 2013)

...for this mediocre shopping-mall remake of the original horror movie classic(s). The new (first-time) director sticks to the basic formula of five young people unleashing demonic forces in a cabin the woods – MINUS the clever filmmaking techniques, inventive set pieces, innovative camera movements, creepy atmosphere, hold-your-breath suspense, grotesque wit and manic delirium of the 1981 low-budget masterpiece. Instead, he gives us gore. Lots and lots of gore. Gore that, quite frankly, has no impact for the viewer or the victim (a sliced tongue magically heals and lost limbs are treated like flesh wounds). Oddly, all the over-the- top gruesomeness ends up being monotonous, even tedious – and it's not because today's audiences have become immune to violence so much as the director doesn't have the filmmaking skills to make us flinch. Or squeal. Or react in any way besides a smirk and a shrug.
Other complaints: The new demons don't have distinct personalities like the originals, so the possessed act and look the same. Boring. The remake's new "rules" and "mythology" don't make any sense, ignoring their own "5 soul" requirement as well as the laws of physical reality. The rapid-fire editing is so fast and sloppy, there's no suspense whatsoever, no unbearable moments where the audience shouts, "no, don't go down there!" Some re-staging of the original's scenes (the tree rape, for instance) feel like the director is half-heartedly checking off boxes. Also, I hated the addition of ghostly visions and poltergeists. Meh. On the positive side, the film looks good, the actors are fine, and the blaring score is loud but effective.
In the end, this slickly produced reboot is not flat-out terrible, just disappointingly uninspired, unscary, and unlikely to attract a cult of devoted fans (let alone life-long Deadites!) The trailer was better than the finished film.