Complete waste of time.

Rating: 1/10 (11 August 2013)

I'm going to click the spoilers button because this is my first review on IMDb, that's how strongly I feel about this movie. Horror films, and supernatural horror, are pretty much my bread and butter. I will watch any and all of them. I even thoroughly enjoy B horror movies, and it's very rare that I can't find -something- enjoyable about a movie. This was one of those few. Now I'm not going to say how much it sucked compared to the original Evil Dead, because in my mind you just can't compare a remake to a cult classic. It's a cult classic for a reason, and it will never be topped. So this review is purely about the 2013 movie that happens to be called Evil Dead (and have a strangle similar plot). The story moved way too quickly in the beginning, it felt like the movie wanted to get to the juicy parts as fast a possible. The actual acting wasn't all that bad, for as little as it actually had. The plot was seriously underdeveloped in major areas, for example (I don't know if this counts as a spoiler) the cabin seemed to be owned by the family of the main characters, seeing as how it had pictures on the walls and stuff. Why make that change? Why make it a specific place related to the characters, rather than just a rented cabin or something? The absolute greatest disappointment for me personally came during one of the horror scenes. Tangent a little bit - I typically fall asleep to the Silent Hill film every night. I love the sound of the air siren, and I think it's incredibly iconic. So imagine my surprise when my ears perk up at the sound of an air siren in Evil Dead. It only went once, and I figured I must be mistaken. Until the next horror scene, when it was used again. And again. And again. For a crystal clear example, listen right at the beginning of the credits. That is what killed this movie for me, no pun intended. I can handle bad acting, laughable dialogue, campy special effects. But get your own hooks please (again, no pun intended). Yes, Silent Hill made a common air siren creepy (well, creepier, since I live near a nuclear reactor and if I ever hear that sound in my daily life I am most certainly screwed), but that's a Silent Hill thing. Like Freddy's claws on metal, Chucky's laugh, that suspenseful tune from Jaws, and even going outside the genre, the sound of the Tardis, a TIE Fighter, D'oh!, et cetera. All of the iconic films and shows have their own sound effect or noise that, even if you've never seen the movie or show, you'll instantly recognize. So new Evil Dead movie, if you have a sequel, as the end credits audio and scene seem to imply, please don't use any air sirens. Try the teleporter noise from Star Trek instead.