What happens when Jr High nerds are given millions to make a movie.

Rating: Null/10 (13 January 2006)

Got this on a still sealed LD, and I should have left it sealed and sold it. This terrible excuse for a scary sci-fi movie features such witty dialog as: S*** and F***, and then more and more of the same. It has such intelligent characters as a Dr/engineer who cannot explain anything scientific, a captain who only can lament and complain, and lacks any qualities of leadership, a crew that must have gotten their intellects out of a cracker jack box. It is chock full of great junk comic book science like: The law of relativity says we can't travel the speed of light, as if they really understand relativity, and of course there must be the relativity cops on patrol, too. How about this great junk science theory: All we have to do to travel in space is to fold space like a page out of a girlie mag, and there we are! Right, every physicist knows that the third dimension is really only the second dimension in disguise, waiting to be folded. It's the kind of science every thirteen year old wishes were true. And then, this most horrible, evil dimension, hiding like a weasel behind a black hole, that gave life to the Event Horizon, looks like second-rate Hellraiser out-takes not scary enough to be left in. I was guessing whoever concocted this pile of bird droppings must be about 13 yrs old, but of course no studio would give millions to a kid on a lark, would it? So it must be the IQ that's 13. Compared to this garbage, good scary science fiction like The Andromeda Strain looks like Shakespeare.