THIS STORY COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN TOLD WITHOUT THE CLEAVAGE

Rating: Null/10 (31 May 2000)

[MILD SPOILER MAYBE]Big evil corporate America abuses little guy America. What a novel concept, I hadn't heard that one before. Perhaps we should plum this line of inquiry to see if there are other examples. Once again Leftywood shows us just how lucky citizens of Mother Russia (until that stupid revolution), Red China, North Korea, Cuba, and other bastions of enlightenment really are. There are no evil corporations or corrupt businessmen to harm anyone in those safe havens. The fact their citizens risk limb and life to escape paradise and come to abusive America not withstanding. If you read any defense of P.G.& E. and the corporate executives responsible for the portrayed acts and subsequent cover up in these remarks, don't. Is it even necessary to say that these criminals should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law? No mercy. No how. Well.then why.make such remarks? Would this be a sufficient reason? ERIN BROCKOVICH is a silly and mindless one dimensional (poor people are good, rich people are bad) claptrap of a film that uses manipulative emotions, a rude and vulgar antihero, lies, and cleavage to tell it's tale. The manipulative emotions are hardly worth exploring since they fairly drip off the screen in every scene. It turns what could have been, no, should have been, drama into sap. If our hero is not rude and vulgar then I'll just eat breakfast. When you don't have much else going for you rude and vulgar is good cover. Apparently kidnapped early in life by the CIA, or some other nefarious arm of American injustice, she was forced to marry a worthless man who beat her. It gets worse. After escaping this terrible fate (I think he left her) those same evil brutes tracked her down and make her do it again (Bastards!). They also made her have three children, which she could not provide a proper home for. Hey it wasn't her fault. She was in no way responsible for her lot in life. I'm even sorry I brought it up. Fortunately, she meets her prince charming (the slacker biker who doesn't work 'cause he don't by god have to) and he saves the day. Well.for a while anyway until nature (the road) calls. Before prince charming goes split-city we are treated to some tender moments of passion twix the two lovers. One line I found particularly poignant, not to mention prophetic was ''Please, don't tell me that you are somebody I'm going to have to get over". Gag me with a spoon. Did I mention the cleavage? I like to think of it as the glue that holds the whole work together. If God had created Woman with three breast instead of two this movie would not have been made for 200-300 years. It would have taken that long for camera technology to catch up. In sum if you are sympathetic to the political, social and cultural underpinnings of this film you will leave the theater a happy camper, if not proceed with caution. You have been warned.